My boyfriend doesn't love me

[suupaaemma]

I was happily single 6 months ago and wasn't looking for any serious relationship. I had met many guys (I don't mean sexual now, just hanging out and flirting) during the 8 months that I was single and I never had feelings for any of them except friendship. I told myself next time I get serious it should be with someone special. I was tired of wasting my time and feelings (I got out of a really bad and abusive relationship) I wanted to find myself, and grow without some guy messing it all up. There was this guy I liked a lot at the time but I never had any intention in being his girlfriend, all I wanted was some excitement and fun.

 

Through him I met my current boyfriend who was kinda that other guy's friend. We became friends, I didn't like him more than as just a friend and besides he was just getting over his "first love" or something like that and that's a huge turn off for me. Anyway I realized how similar we were and how much we have in common. I always felt different, and now I met someone who understands me in so many ways. Plus the way he looks is exactly my type of guy. But I still didn't let myself like him too much since I wasn't ready.

 

I noticed he started to like me more and more and started doing the sweetest things for me. Like texting me, making remixes of my favorite songs and cute little things like that. He also kept saying I'm an amazing girl, how great I am, how much he thinks about me, that he would always treat me well, never hurt me, that he would never wanna change me, he likes me for me etc etc. He eventually told me he loved me. I told him he doesn't because we hadn't known each other for long, and I was kinda freaking out about that.

 

Then after a while I let myself like him, he was just too perfect to let go. It's not easy for me finding someone who I fit so well with, there is nothing I would wanna change about him. He is everything I ever wanted and for a while I was like living in a dream. I was so happy I met him, so happy to be with him. He really made me feel loved for ME, which has never happened before. He knew how to make me feel special. It felt too good to be true... and now I'm afraid I was right.

 

When I said "I love you" to him the first time we were laying in bed just talking. I thought he would say it back but he didn't so I said it again in case he didn't hear me. Then he said "I love you too" but I felt something wasn't right when he said it. I FELT it but ignored it. After about a week or so he tells me he should stop saying that, because he's not ready to say it yet. I thought I felt heartbreak before but it was nothing compared to how I felt when he said that. I could feel it break in my chest, it's the worst feeling in the world. Like I just lost everything. I couldn't understand what was wrong. What did I do wrong?

 

I decided to let it go and give him some time. But for 6 months now I could never quite let it go completely. I broke down many times crying, feeling so worthless and insecure. He's not the guy he was before, it feels like he's changing. He doesn't say or do sweet things anymore. He doesn't give me compliments, he doesn't look into my eyes and smile and then kiss me, he doesn't do ANY loving things. He doesn't even get jealous, not even a little tiny bit. I don't feel any love from him. We're basically friends who have sex and hold hands, that's exactly how it feels. I think it's because he doesn't love me. I'm his first girlfriend and he's 25 now which is a bit late to have your first girlfriend. I'm worried that maybe he built up all these expectations on what a relationship, and what love, is like.

 

He was deeply in love with another girl 1-2 years ago that he couldn't forget until he met me. He told her he loved her, but he never even met her. They just talked on some random forum and msn and that's it. She wasn't as interested though and just stopped talking to him, ignoring him completely and broke his heart.

 

I'm trying to understand WHY a guy would love a girl like that but not love ME. I love everything about him, I love him for the man he is, I wouldn't wanna change anything about him. I'm so impressed at what he can do and thinks he's so talented. I think I'm a good person, I'm mature, I'm intelligent, I'm talented, I'm kind, I'm a person you can trust, I wouldn't cheat on him or do stupid things like that. I don't drink, I don't smoke etc. He's lucky to have me damnit!

 

I know from previous experiences that to love but not be loved in returned can make you feel a lot more. Heartbreak is a stronger feeling than loving someone who loves you back. Because of feeling so secure you take it for granted. That's what I think. Maybe he's comparing his feelings for me and his feelings for her and thinks he doesn't love me because he doesn't feel as strongly about me.

 

I'm so unhappy right now. It's been 6 months and it's just getting worse. He gives me no attention whatsoever. He doesn't make me feel special like he did before. I feel invisible. I want that guy back, the guy I fell in love with. I feel so bad whenever I watch a movie and a couple says "I love you, I love you too" to each other. I want that as well. I want love, I think I deserve it. Why should I have to live with this constant heartbroken feeling anymore. I don't see any love in his eyes. I try so hard but I get nothing in return.

 

The only thing that is keeping me from just breaking up with him is that he is sooo special. Or he was.. he was just perfect, the most amazing guy in the world. I felt like I found what I've been waiting for. That's why this hurts so much. I don't know what to do.

 

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and told him we better have a serious talk today. I don't know exactly how to express myself, and explain how I feel. Any advice?

Edited July 9, 2010 by suupaaemma

[TouchedByViolet]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and told him we better have a serious talk today. I don't know exactly how to express myself, and explain how I feel. Any advice?

 

You have explained yourself perfectly in this post... just tell him this.

 

Sounds like this relationship is over with and it is just a matter of time for it to be acknowleged.

 

Life sucks sometimes

[suupaaemma]

You have explained yourself perfectly in this post... just tell him this.

 

Sounds like this relationship is over with and it is just a matter of time for it to be acknowleged.

 

Life sucks sometimes

 

Thanks for replying. It's like our relationship hasn't even started. There is no love, how can I even call this a relationship now. It feels like a lie.

 

I'm so f-cking mad at him. I even told him I didn't want a relationship and he was the one pushing ME until I developed real feelings for him. And just when I did BAAM, he broke my heart. When I was perfectly happy being alone. It's like he played with my feelings all this time. ARgghhh so mad right now:mad: