sally4sara Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) We currently live in my husband's hometown. He has moved from here twice, once to my own hometown, for a few years at a time. I have always been impressed by how many childhood friends he has stayed in touch with. I have a few, but have always wished I had more - till this last year anyway. One of his old friends lives in Portland now. This person lived on the East coast (RI) when I first moved here, but shortly there after, moved much further away. I was kinda glad as they seemed well, standoffish and snobby. After they moved it became obvious (to me) that it was personal. If they called and I answered, they always hung up immediately. During one of their visits to town, they often wouldn't even respond when I've tried to hold conversation or ask questions. So on their last visit (they have relatives here), my husband didn't invite them over to the house and instead just met them for a drink with a couple other friends they have in common. He isn't pleased with their seemingly rude attitude, but he is sorta Jonah Hex about people's behavior if he has known them for a long time. They have to be real obvious about it for him to write them off. Probably why he has so many old friends. Yesterday, they called my husband and gave him grief for having never visited. We had just gotten back from a week and a half vacation. And just last January, we dropped a chunk on going to Vegas and getting married. We probably won't be able to afford more than a long weekend to the boat house if we were to go somewhere else this summer. We do plan that our next trip is to be to the N California/Oregon area as there are other people we'd like to visit out there. Our closest friends here are moving there in just over a year and we were going to help them get out there as a cross country trip. So my husband made excuses for why we cannot go visit Portland right now. They made it clear that WE don't have to come. He then said it could not be afforded right now. Their response? "Well that's what you get for raising someone else's kid." Oh my can my husband yell LOUD! I can't type the string of curse words that came out of him before he hung up! The only word I can relay was "fauxhemian" because this person comes from money and has a degree, but chooses to couch surf and barely work. It just seems, not just a crappy attitude, but an odd, misdirected one. They know we are married. Even if I didn't already have my son when we married, we'd have the same situation if we had a kid together. Would they then say "that's what you get for breeding"? Most of their mutual friends are married and babied up now. Has anyone else had completely no respect for someone's life choices (ones they seemed happy about) and still considered themselves a friend of that person? When one of your friends gets married, do you not consider their spouse to be a member of their family? Edited July 9, 2010 by sally4sara
MrSnufkin Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Wow they sound like a fantastic group of people don't they lol. I've had friends of mine like that, when I was younger anyway. I'd get a serious LT relationship going and they'd be all pissy that I wasn't out on the beer with them 3 times a week. Needless to say I've not really kept in touch with any of them in later adult life! It's a shame really as its a lot harder to meet new people and make friends as an adult, maybe this is why your hubby is reluctant to sever ties with his casual friends? The line about bringing up someone elses kid is appalling. I myself married a lady with 2 young children and if anyone ever said that about me I think there would be a lot more than just harsh language in the offing! End of the day it was my (and obviously your other half's) decision to undertake and I'd expect my friends to respect that. The important ones certainly do. It looks like your man has his priorities right though and has put them straight anyway, so whilst it's undoubtedly frustrating, I doubt it will cause you any in relationship conflict. It sounds like you have a good marriage
White Dove Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 All I can say is that you do not need people like that in your life. That was disrespectful and like you, my SO would have given them a mouthful too! I'm glad your husband told them off.
freestyle Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I've been through it, too, Sally. It sucks. You feel like were put on trial, judged, and found guilty---when you weren't there to speak in your own defense.---by people who haven't even bothered getting to know you.grrrrrrrrrr!!!! Kudos to your H for doing the right thing, and standing up for you. If anyone of my old friends dissed my SO, I would view that as an insult to me. It casts aspersions on my judgement.
Author sally4sara Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I know everyone has a right to their own opinions. I guess I just can understand why someone would continue to seek a friendship with someone who's life choices conflict so drastically with their own to the point of disrespect. If this is how they felt all along, why would they even want to carry on the friendship with so much distance between them? And to make a point to let it be known they did not want me to be a part of the trip? Do folks really expect their friends to take a stand against their own spouse in the name of maintaining the friendship? Maybe if they'd even tried to get to know who I am and we just didn't click, I could see suggesting I need not come along. Its just so weird.
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