glumbum Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I dont know where to start, and have never come to a community like this for advice. But, I have been reading a lot of good stuff here so I figured I'd run my situation thru. I had been dating a girl for about 7 months there was no real friction, we fought on occasion about little things but never any major blow-ups. She seemed THRILLED with me always telling me I was the greatest things ever, making plans for our future, txting love notes...etc. etc. One day after an argument about her ex, who apparently owes her a lot of money, she became distant...followed by "Im confused, we moved too fast, tc. etc." She IS under a lot of strain as her job can be stressful and she is opening a second store in the next few months. I would go from somewhat pleading to anger and when I got angry and said "I cant do this" she would cry and say "Ive ruined my life...Ive lost the best thing in my life" After going round and round and seeing very little of each other, she decided she needs a "break" and that she needs to get her life together(pay off this enourmous debt she has, get the second store open...etc.etc.) and she wants to do thos things without me. I told her I wasnt sure I could "wait" and she told me I can do whatever I want, that she needs this, and that she will find me again. She said that if I meet someone in the interim that will be her mistake and she is willing to deal with it. I spend about 1.5 weeks trying to work it out with her. From arguing to pleading, to yelling to back again. I saw her twice recently and once was great and happy and she seems to have a really hard time "making anything final" On that note, this is a bit personal but I feel important, I had encouraged her to get some piercings in a personal area despite the fact that she initally did not want to.... occasionally during our arguments Id demand she take them out and she would say she would if I REALLy wanted her to (as they seem a symbol of it being OVER OVER) and the convo would stop there, neither of us willing to make that 'cut'. At one point I even said "only keep them if you are keeping them for me, and she said "thats what Im going to do" I have begun a NC approach and its day 2. Im devastated by this and have recently started a new and somewhat stressful job. I would like any input/advice thanks
whatadeer26 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Trust me. The longer you hold onto the notion of hope you will not feel better. Assume she is gone and move on and try to heal. My ex and I never fought, then she ran into family trouble and pushed me away in a week. It went from I am so glad I have you to I need a break. Things outside a relationship should not effect the relationship. If it does, then it's not a good relationship. I beat myself up about why she has broken up with me, since I didn't get much of a reason or a chance to speak with her. She was my first love and I know how you must feel, but it does get better with time. You need to try and let go. If you love something let it go if it comes back to you it was always yours. If it does not it never was. I am sorry for how you must be feeling right now I know how I feel and do not wish this pain on anyone.
Author glumbum Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 Im sick with this. I miss her very much and she was literally my best friend. So much of what is going on I want to share with her... I have a new job and despite the fact that I am a emo trainwreck I am doing very well there and being told so almost daily. I KNOW I should focus on the good and prepare to move forward, but the loss of this girl is killing me in little bits with each passing day. I would appreciate as much chiding or advice as possible, if nothing else to keep me reading and not thinking on my own.
heart of gold Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Im sick with this. I miss her very much and she was literally my best friend. So much of what is going on I want to share with her... I have a new job and despite the fact that I am a emo trainwreck I am doing very well there and being told so almost daily. I KNOW I should focus on the good and prepare to move forward, but the loss of this girl is killing me in little bits with each passing day. I would appreciate as much chiding or advice as possible, if nothing else to keep me reading and not thinking on my own. I know this feeling all too well. I'm going through a very similar situation and although I've only reached day 2 of no communication, I'm feeling a bit better. There have literally been a million things that I've wanted to text my ex whether it be inside jokes or things that i know that he would find hilarious. These are things that I feel that only he would appreciate and it hurts not to have that connection with him right now. I consider him my best friend. What you have to understand though is that you need to give it time. Focus on youself and what you need to do to become a stronger person. Put more energy into things that make you happy and make an effort to see your friends more often. The busier you keep yourself the better off you'll be. If it's meant to be it will be! If it's not, then something better will come along. Sometimes things have to fall apart for better things to happen. Who knows what that better thing could be? You could find someone else or you could renew your relationship and be happier than before. Don't give up hope on a happy life. I know it feels horrible now but things like this are meant to make you stronger! Stay positive and good things will happen!
Recommended Posts