Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Ok so my H confessed to an A about a month ago. NC letter was sent and the OW still continued to try and contact. H changed his phone #, blocked her from social sites and changed his personal email. We have been going to marriage counseling and working on our marriage. Yesterday he gets an email at work from OW. He has no idea how she got this email since only coworkers know it. In this email she is begging him to tell the truth to me and our mutual friends who know about the A. Her "truth" is now that there wasn't an A and that this was all a test to see how their spouses react. This email is crazy! It's all over the place. She goes on to state how her H was mad but believes her now and that she hopes we can all be friends again one day. My H forwarded the email to me as soon as he got it. I don't believe it for a second and H says he wish it were true and there was no A but there was. I also found out from a mutual friend that she is asking everyone for my H new phone #. Do I have a Bunny Boiler on my hands? How do we handle this?
strawberrysprinkles Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Call her husband. Tell him to get his woman under control.
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I honestly thought about it. But he's not going to believe me if he believes that story. What I don't understand is he forgave her and they were going to try and work it out, so why this elaborate story now?
imagine Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 This is the second time that I have come across a thread with the above title. Know that you are not alone.
Spark1111 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I honestly thought about it. But he's not going to believe me if he believes that story. What I don't understand is he forgave her and they were going to try and work it out, so why this elaborate story now? Hmmmm....Maybe her husband isn't fully buying this story and she knows it. Maybe her husband is threatening to call your husband to get the truth of the situation? Maybe she is desperate that your husband's story lines up with her fabricated one in the event her husband does call? Yep, this is what I am thinking. She is still lying to her husband and wants to make sure you guys lie for her too. You can either tell her to stop contacting you or you will contact her husband, OR You and your husband can contact the husband and tell him the truth. Either action should end her trying to contact you constantly.
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Her and her H do not have my H new phone #. her H does have my phone number. Neither one has tried contacting me. I did contact her H the day after D-day. Their stories matched up then about the A. Besides the different point of views. She constantly blamed him for taking advantage of her because her life was so stressful. She's played the victim in this from the get-go even when she was contacting me. I just don't understand the dramatic change in stories a month later.
Spark1111 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Her and her H do not have my H new phone #. her H does have my phone number. Neither one has tried contacting me. I did contact her H the day after D-day. Their stories matched up then about the A. Besides the different point of views. She constantly blamed him for taking advantage of her because her life was so stressful. She's played the victim in this from the get-go even when she was contacting me. I just don't understand the dramatic change in stories a month later. Well, one month later she is such a convincing liar that he now is maybe ready to believe her new story...but with some questions that he wants validation for. So she is deperate for your husband to lie for her in the event her husband calls. She sounds like a pathological liar, and they can be dangerous. I think you and your husband need to call her husband and tell him the truth. Or, send that stupid email to him and the both of you demand she stop contacting your husband to lie for her as you are trying to heal your marriage from infidelity.
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 You can either tell her to stop contacting you or you will contact her husband She knows I'll contact her H. I did before and it didn't deter her. If anything she got more crazy in her messages. And we have never responded to her. Our MC told us to inform each other but to not respond and eventually she'll stop but I don't see that happening.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 She knows I'll contact her H. I did before and it didn't deter her. If anything she got more crazy in her messages. And we have never responded to her. Our MC told us to inform each other but to not respond and eventually she'll stop but I don't see that happening. Honestly something is wrong here, and I doubt that it is just her. I have been dealing with a serial cheater for over a year and if something smells bad, it means that there is something hidden away and rotting. how did your husband end up so involved with someone so "crazy?" Often OW get labelled that way and it often turns out that the husband is still playing both ends against the middle. Contact her husband and watch yours. he may say that she doesn't have a way to contact him etc. etc. but it is so easy to re-establish contact these days, odds are you won't know. If she is talking about "the truth" with him, then that is something they concocted together.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) oops!!!!! Sorry. Edited July 9, 2010 by IfWishesWereHorses
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think it goes further than just wanting to be on the same level for the sake of her H. I think she said what she wants... as crazy as it may be. She hopes that if she can get your H on the same page then you and her H will be none the wiser when she and he "resume" their friendship. She is very much the bunny boiler, and her craziness and desparation are obviously increasing. She is desparate not to loose your H it sounds like. To beg his friends for his new number would be humiliating to most people. Not to realize that he changed it so that she can't contact him is somewhat crazy in itself. She's clearly delusional, its sad that her own H can't see it. I agree to stay out of it and ignore her unless she seems to get dangerous then involved the authorities. Someone like this is good with any attention, it doesn't have to be "good" attention. Good luck, sorry you have to deal with this fall out from your H's affair. Its amazing to me, how many men are attracted to a$$ crazy women.
whichwayisup Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You call her husband and tell him that if his wife continues to contact your H, she'll have a restraining order against her as the cops will get involved.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yesterday he gets an email at work from OW... How do we handle this? Simple. Your/your h's email program has a spam filter which will automatically bounce back any emails from unwanted email addresses. Use it. Edit: Question, do you and your h read all the emails you get for products promising to cure erectile dysfunction?
2sure Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You and your H together have to send a letter to her H. Tell him that you are hopeful he and his wife are moving on from this painful experience as you are. Tell him you both have serious concern because his wife is continuing to attempt crossing your private boundaries which include no further contact with either of you. Tell him that because of the circumstances it is with regret that any social contact between you and them is no longer going to be part of your lives. No need to discuss her version of nonsense.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Honestly something is wrong here, and I doubt that it is just her. I have been dealing with a serial cheater for over a year and if something smells bad, it means that there is something hidden away and rotting. how did your husband end up so involved with someone so "crazy?" Often OW get labelled that way and it often turns out that the husband is still playing both ends against the middle. Contact her husband and watch yours. he may say that she doesn't have a way to contact him etc. etc. but it is so easy to re-establish contact these days, odds are you won't know. If she is talking about "the truth" with him, then that is something they concocted together. I like this post.. It rings true... For the most part the bunny boilers start acting crazy because of the lies that are being told to them by the MM and the lies continue and many times so does the contact. Audacia are you angry at your husband for putting you thru this ?.. you do realize it wasn't her fault and that the cheating in your marriage is all his blame ? I do agree with some other posters that maybe contacting her husband might be in order to clear the air and end the contact.. All 4 of you should be in the loop on the contact part so nobody is left out of making the end of the affair known. The email may have been crafted so that when it gets emailed back to her husband she can say she is telling the truth and he is lying..
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Yesterday he gets an email at work from OW... How do we handle this? Simple. Your/your h's email program has a spam filter which will automatically bounce back any emails from unwanted email addresses. Use it. Edit: Question, do you and your h read all the emails you get for products promising to cure erectile dysfunction? Yeah we've done that. I wasn't asking specifically on how to prevent the emailing to work but how we should respond if at all.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yeah we've done that. I wasn't asking specifically on how to prevent the emailing to work but how we should respond if at all. You don't. NC means NC. If you've spam-filtered the OW's email addresses then there's nothing to read. As soon as you see who it's from you stop reading and delete. You definitely don't contact the OW's husband because that just opens a door for further communication, directly or indirectly.
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I am mad at my husband. I'm mad that he had an A and mad that he's brought this into my life. I'm mad that my trust in his is almost completely gone. But my H has shown great remorse and guilt over this and has done everything I require to help me get thru this anger and build my trust back in him. He's on a very short leash and will be for quiet awhile.
Author Audacia Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 And at first I was not mad at the OW. She did not marry me and make a commitment. She did not force my husband. He made a choice. What she did is between her and her H and God. It wasn't until she continually tried contacting me and my H that I became angry at her.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I am mad at my husband. I'm mad that he had an A and mad that he's brought this into my life. I'm mad that my trust in his is almost completely gone. But my H has shown great remorse and guilt over this and has done everything I require to help me get thru this anger and build my trust back in him. He's on a very short leash and will be for quiet awhile. Those are really good things to feel Audacia, otherwise you won't get thru it and start your own healing. Keep him on that short leash till you feel you can let him off...
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