1year square 1, child involved!

[willirecover]

Hello loveshackers, Ok il try and keep it as quick and informative as possible met a girl who broke up with me last september we had been together for 6 yrs lived together for 3 1/2 years and have a 4 and a 1/2 yr old girl now, For the first few 2 yrs everything was great (so i thought) we then had a child together, in the first year of us having that child being a builder I had no work but still managed to give us everything we needed to get through, 1 1/2 years after having our child it came out she had cheated on me at the beggining of the relationship, I was realy devastated that this woman i loved could have cheated and lied to me all that time, even though 6mnths after our child was born things went sour as in she would argue and call me everything under the sun for the pettiest things which in turn led to me occasionaly doing the same back out of frustration, amyway this first week of finding out I was told at least 4 versions of what happend nearly a different story every day, my mind just couldnt deal with how selfish she was and the hurt shed caused me and how it had changed everything what i knew so i went on the booze for 3 days without sleeping or eating and ended up wheelchaired from an accident due to loss of my mind, well the months went on I was weak depressed totaly lost but stayed with her even though she never wanted to talk about it and thought i didnt desrve any answers, being cheated on was one thing but been bed ridden and not been able to walk made it real tough to deal with I never once got an apology from her it was only when i told her in a heated arguement about she cant be botherd 2 apologise she gave me a half hearted one, well after struggling for 2 yrs because i had to deal with it alone as she never wanted to talk I finnaly got my head around it, Then Bang she dont love me and leaves then does love me then dont over and over! 2 weeks after the split she wrote me a letter saying she loved me and wants us to go counciling which i was delighted with as I thought for once and for all we can realy sort out the problems we had, then within 5 days tells me she picked some bloke up and slept with him all weekend! I lost it why she had to do this and we had a child envolved I will never understand? well coped badly with it at first but then after 1 month turned too alcohol in an extreme way as it was the only thing that would block out the misery, I seriously would drink up 2 25 cans of beer + spirits from morning till night for at least 7 months non stop the reason for this was that as well as what she done she had ran off with my daughter my lil girl who i love so much and had allways been around apart from when i was in hospital, well a month ago i stopped drinking and smoking and got my daughter back in my life though its only every 2nd weekend I get her arranged through my mother, well to get to my point the other day the ex sent a msg saying shed like me to play a more active part in her schooling and taking her to a martial arts class which i would love to do, but the reality of it is and please no one tell me im selfish because I am very bitter and angry I sent a txt back saying I would love to get involved and realy want to but cant see how it can work unless a member of her family gets involved also, as I told her I dont know how I will react IF I ever see her again, (For all 3 of our sakes)! my mom has poor health and cnt be the go between all the time, well i then got a txt back saying how much pain and emotions I put her through and compared it to what Ive been through because of her, I feel raw the anger the pain is now back to square one after nearly a year for the simple fact that she blames me for what she done and insults me by telling me Its my fault what she done??? WTF, The worst I ever done to her was dare argue back! She eneded it like that by the way after i was diagnosed with major depression and told all the gorey details about what and her new sleeping buddy were getting up 2!

Does anyone have a take on this? I really am bitter and am dieng to move on, she was my first and only, I dont want her back as its like who I loved wasnt real and never existed! But how do I move on for the sake of my daughter when even putting the ex in the picture of the reality of the situation that theres no way right now I can see that working without another 3rd party whilst im this angry I get insults ontop of insults after injury? Really hurt confused , lost my self worth and really need to move on! also got told by her i was no good in bed was dumb and the whole relationship was dumb how do i deal with this? Has anyone been through similar? Realy need good advice and not the put youself through misery and see your daughter no matter what it does to you! Cause I cnt! She betrayed me in the worst way and I wnt be able to control my anger towards her after what shes done so i need to not see my ex till the anger has gone! Any help Plz??

[GreenerGrass]

This woman is clearly trouble. But you need to be positive, and be there for your child. You two split, don't worry about what she is doing, or what's been done. all that matters is your child. She's saying those things to be hurtful, and to get at you. Simply because she's a child in an adult body. She's miserable, and the only way she feels better is by hurting you. Keep contact to a minimal low. When you are together at an event, just remember your daughter is watching the both of you and your actions. You can't control how she acts, but you can control you.

 

I just went through something similar. I honestly could care less what she's doing, and what she has done really has no bearing on anything anymore. She'll send me texts about my lack of parenting skills, and that I should be a better father. Everyone knows I'm a great father, including my little girl. I'm the one she calls when she wakes up crying. I lose it when she mentions that, but I see she's saying that to get to me. It's not gonna work much longer, as i'm actively working on it.

 

It's easy to be bitter, but it's harder to be the better the person, and set it aside. Although the bitterness is normal, so don't feel it's not. You have a right to feel that way!

 

GG

Edited July 9, 2010 by GreenerGrass

[willirecover]

Thanks GG your post has reasured me! Deep down I know its her problem not mine as she deffinatly is troubled! I guess Ive taken a bad blow to my self esteem! Had my daughter the weekend its really picked me up loads! I wish you all the best recovering from your troubles as well! Thankyou