starryeyed12 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do men and women think about when reaching orgasm with someone they love and are attracted to? I love my boyfriend very much, but I have been feeling guilty lately bc I have thought about other sexual encounters and fantasies while in pursuit of orgasm. We have been together for a little over a year and both enjoy our sex very much. Lately, to reach orgasm I think about everything from what he is doing and fantasies with him, to other crazy sexual encounters unrelated to him, to even fantasies about him with other women. Is this being unfaithful or unhealthy? Any men who are in love, does your mind ever wander to thoughts besides your woman and what she's doing to you? Does this effect your sexual desire for your partner? I hate the thought of him thinking of another women or past encounters, but maybe my own guilt is just being transferred onto him and he doesn't need to do that. Thoughts?
carhill Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Sure sometimes there are fantasies, some non-specific and others clear, but IMO the determiner is how I *felt* about my partner/spouse during the rest of our time lovemaking. Orgasm is just a tiny part of the lovemaking process. I've never seen 'getting off' as any sort of goal in lovemaking. It was merely a by-product of the intimacy and pleasure of being close physically and emotionally. You'll likely get other, more mainstream, opinion. IMO, what you've shared sounds pretty normal.
Citizen Erased Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't actually think about anything to orgasm, if I concentrate on something it's never going to happen. I'm just in the moment, feeling what feels good and giving him what he wants/me what I want. I've found if I don't think, I cum every time. And quite quickly too. Only with the right person of course.
Shakz Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't actually think about anything to orgasm, if I concentrate on something it's never going to happen. I'm just in the moment, feeling what feels good and giving him what he wants/me what I want. I've found if I don't think, I cum every time. And quite quickly too. Only with the right person of course. That's interesting. I had heard the orgasm originates in the mind. You orgasm because you are subconsciously satisfied? Thus physical satisfaction, and ultimately conscious satisfaction? But if your partner fails to satisfy you subconsciously, the whole system breaks down?
Citizen Erased Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 That's interesting. I had heard the orgasm originates in the mind. You orgasm because you are subconsciously satisfied? Thus physical satisfaction, and ultimately conscious satisfaction? But if your partner fails to satisfy you subconsciously, the whole system breaks down? Wow. Yes. I'm freaking weird aren't I.
deux ex machina Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't actually think about anything to orgasm, if I concentrate on something it's never going to happen. I'm just in the moment, feeling what feels good and giving him what he wants/me what I want. I've found if I don't think, I cum every time. And quite quickly too. Only with the right person of course. Like just about every post I read from her, I agree with CE! Being in the moment is very important. As is the right person.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 so what are you saying? this is a problem? i'm not subconsciously satisfied by my man anymore?
deux ex machina Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 so what are you saying? this is a problem? i'm not subconsciously satisfied by my man anymore? Oh no! Not at all. Just answering the first part of your post. You love him, and you love feeling close with each other. There's a wide range for what constitutes healthy, and what people are comfortable with when it comes to sexuality. Something that you would find works for you might not work for me, and vice versa - and it wouldn't make either one of us wrong. People are just so different. Your relationship sounds great to me.
bayouboi Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I don't have to THINK about anything. In fact, if I'm trying to prolong it, THAT is when I try to think of something else. The physical pleasure of the act is plenty for me to enjoy.
USMCHokie Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do men and women think about when reaching orgasm with someone they love and are attracted to? Damnit, it's only been 15 seconds!! :laugh:
TouchedByViolet Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do men and women think about when reaching orgasm with someone they love and are attracted to? Well I'm a guy, and I think about how f-ing awesome my life is... it has been a long time since I have had this thought or feeling
brainygirl Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Usually coherent thought goes away during sex. Its just touch and sound and smell and taste. I agree with the posters who say that just being in and enjoying the moment are very important for enjoying sex.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Damnit, it's only been 15 seconds!! :laugh: Lol! Funny, he has that issue from time to time... Ok, so you are saying that most guys who are in love and attracted to their partner don't have to think about much of anything. Got it. But, what say you of my issue? I've found that I've almost trained myself to get aroused not only by physical contact, but mental stimulation as well. Does it matter that the mental stimulation is not always him, even when it's him thats doing the work?
potrzebie Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think I'm pretty much in cavewoman or Leeloo mode at that point: mmm, sex good!
Shakz Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think I'm pretty much in cavewoman or Leeloo mode at that point: mmm, sex good! Hah! Leeloo! It's elemental. (That's two for you potrzebie)
Lady vs Panda Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I always fantasize. No matter how soul-bending my love for him is.
sumdude Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think I'm pretty much in cavewoman or Leeloo mode at that point: mmm, sex good! LEELOO!!! Multipass.. oh that is like the sexiest woman alive. Yeah it's always best when I'm not thinking at all. Unless it's about the next position maybe.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do men and women think about when reaching orgasm with someone they love and are attracted to? Other people, with surprising frequency.
Author starryeyed12 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I always fantasize. No matter how soul-bending my love for him is. Thank you for the honesty then! I guess it's good to know I'm not alone. Still feel guilty, but not sure what I can do to stop it.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 For sure (IMHO) you are being unfair suggesting if you were aware he had wandering thoughts, you'd be upset - seen as you do this yourself on him without his knowledge. Treat others as you wish to be treated. I personally don't find what you are doing wrong, but like I said the double standard is something you need to watch out for if you ever feel like breaking this to him.
Stung Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I usually fantasize, too. 8 times out of 10 I'm not even in my own fantasy, however--nobody I know is, it's not really about personas and faces, it's about situations, what is happening. The other 2 out of 10 times I am specifically thinking of my husband, usually layering what we're doing at the moment with something especially hot we did recently. I don't feel at all guilty, because I know fantasizing is perfectly normal--I would probably feel bad about it if I were actively picturing other people, however, like ex-boyfriends or people we know, but I never do that. My husband says he usually thinks about me and what is happening to him at the moment, enjoying the sensations. I know he fantasizes sometimes but he seems to be more like me, picturing scenarios; if he's picturing additional women (and I know he does this sometimes) as far as I know they're either faceless everywoman figures or Christina Hendricks from Mad Men . If he is picturing his exes or women from work or whatever he has the good sense to keep that to himself, because while I usually prefer full disclosure I do know that would bother me and it's not something I could really do anything about. Neither one of us asks for too many fantasy details we might not want to know, as both of us has a bit of a jealous streak and neither of us wants to become the thought police. We do share details like bondage situations, strange locations, generalized third parties, audiences etc. so we can either live out a version of it or dirty talk about it the next time we have the time/energy for an extended bout.
Serenitynow Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 LOL me and females seem to switch roles during the orgasm scenarios. I usually take awhile to reach it, and the females seem to have them quite easily. I just try to focus on the girl I am with. Although I do have a bit of an issue with it taking awhile to reach orgasm. And receiving oral has never got me off. Girls take offense to the fact that they cant get a guy off. I think its a shot to their ego , they take it personally. Or they think it doesnt work cause I dont find them attractive. Maybe they believe its their "job" to get the guy off. And if that doesnt happen than they feel like a failure. Are they just so used to the average guy cumming quickly, that when it takes longer than normal they dont know how to deal with it ? .
alphamale Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 What do men and women think about when reaching orgasm with someone they love and are attracted to? i'm basically thinking of emptying my nutsack at that point
Gallaxia Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 i'm basically thinking of emptying my nutsack at that point .......aaaaaaaaand there it is.
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