Meep Meep Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 He calls me every day, texts me six or seven times a day, and always seems to be where I am on the internet -- if I'm on Facebook, there he is; if I'm on Skype, there he is, if I'm on AIM, there he is. He keeps track of my Facebook wall so that if something pops up that says I'm playing Farmville, he immediately calls me and gets upset if I can't answer right away because he "knows" I "have free time". I've given up most of my favorite places because I know he'll be there watching. He says it's because he misses me, but I get sick of it. I can't help but feel that this is stalkerish behavior for an LDR. Or am I being oversensitive?
aerogurl87 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Sounds stalkerish to me at best, if not a clear indicator that he has control issues.
HeavenOrHell Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It does sound stalkery. It seems quite common that LDR's can make us more insecure than in a 'normal' relationship, but your partner has gone OTT with it.
StarrySkyBlue Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Maybe you need to talk about the level of contact you want in your relationship. Some people like constant contact throughout the day. Some people are fine with talking once a day (e.g. at a specific time). Some people only need to talk/text a few times a week. I think for it to work out you need to find a common ground that you both are comfortable with.
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 He calls me every day, texts me six or seven times a day, and always seems to be where I am on the internet -- if I'm on Facebook, there he is; if I'm on Skype, there he is, if I'm on AIM, there he is. He keeps track of my Facebook wall so that if something pops up that says I'm playing Farmville, he immediately calls me and gets upset if I can't answer right away because he "knows" I "have free time". I've given up most of my favorite places because I know he'll be there watching. He says it's because he misses me, but I get sick of it. I can't help but feel that this is stalkerish behavior for an LDR. Or am I being oversensitive? Isn't all that social media exactly for keeping track of someone and the things they are up to and doing ? If you don't want someone to know your every move then maybe you shouldn't post some much info on the internet showing what you are up to.. It sounds to me that the guy must be lonely and needs to get a life or a hobby outside of your relationship. It also sounds like maybe you aren't into him as much as he is into you.. Just speak with him about it.. if he doesn't change a behavior that you feel isn't right then breakup with the guy..
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 He says it's because he misses me, but I get sick of it. I reread your post and honestly it sounds like you aren't cut out for a LDR maybe ? or your feelings have changed... Having an LDR takes an immense amount of love, time and trust and it sounds like you aren't putting in the time and he isn't up to the trust part.. His behavior isn't stalkerish.. it's an LDR and it sounds like maybe your LDR needs tweaking in order for him to feel comfortable again.. or if he can't stop being pestering then maybe it is time to move on and call that one done..
Meaplus3 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Hmmmm.. sounds to me more like OCD. Have you told him how you feel? Mea:)
aerogurl87 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I reread your post and honestly it sounds like you aren't cut out for a LDR maybe ? or your feelings have changed... Having an LDR takes an immense amount of love, time and trust and it sounds like you aren't putting in the time and he isn't up to the trust part.. His behavior isn't stalkerish.. it's an LDR and it sounds like maybe your LDR needs tweaking in order for him to feel comfortable again.. or if he can't stop being pestering then maybe it is time to move on and call that one done.. I agree with Art Critic that it does take an immense amount of love, time, and trust to work. My boyfriend and I talk all the time, from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, and all that time in between if we can. But, yes there is a but, we both like being in constant contact with each other, and obviously this is annoying you. The red flag for me in your post is that you said: He keeps track of my Facebook wall so that if something pops up that says I'm playing Farmville, he immediately calls me and gets upset if I can't answer right away because he "knows" I "have free time". I've given up most of my favorite places because I know he'll be there watching. That's beyond caring, that's a sign of someone with control issues.
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I reread your post and honestly it sounds like you aren't cut out for a LDR maybe ? or your feelings have changed... Having an LDR takes an immense amount of love, time and trust and it sounds like you aren't putting in the time and he isn't up to the trust part.. His behavior isn't stalkerish.. it's an LDR and it sounds like maybe your LDR needs tweaking in order for him to feel comfortable again.. or if he can't stop being pestering then maybe it is time to move on and call that one done.. I was reading the original posts to this and thought...Good Lord I'm a stalker? My SO and I communicate a lot. But I don't have her next to me at night. I don't have her face to smile at in the morning, she is busy and I am busy. I know I call her a lot. And i've told her "hon, if I am bugging you too much let me know" To which she says "I like when you talk me" ^^ Meaning she likes the attention. When we don't have much time together I know I get clingy and she gets clingy sometimes too I would have to say you really should look at what an LDR is and be sure you want that tbh
Romance Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 my boyfriend misses me but he does not stalk me..he has a life. Your SO sounds like he needs one also
Green Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Ever notice how GIRLS like to throw around the word STALKER? He is obviously overwhelming you. I think maybe you don't really like this guy. If you do like this guy and want to move past this just try to explain how you feel and ask him for some space and then wait and see if things get better.
SassyKitten Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 I second Nemi! Right now, my boyfriend and I are working out similar issues, with my being more of the one on the "stalker" end. It's about compromise, and finding somewhere between constant togetherness and space where you're both comfortable.
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