dovie Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Hi, I've always gotten so much help here - so... my boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year. First part of our relationship was very rocky, but since April we've smoothed things out and are for the most part solid as a couple. It's kind of an LDR - we're an hour apart, so we only see each other one day a week. For the entire relationship I've wanted to move that up to two or three days a week, at first he didn't to want to, and our work schedules do make it difficult. At six months in, I decided to move closer to him, still being 20 minutes away or so, but figuring it would be better than an hour. He picked fight after fight, was not helpful in finding a place and I finally just scrapped the plans to move. So, figuring that a year was enough time, I asked if now was a better time to move closer. He said that there are no jobs up there, the commute to where I work now would be awful, there are no places to live in that town, and he doesn't want me "falling in with the wrong crowd" ?!?! I'm 32 - not exactly gonna fall in with a bad lot lol. Scrapped those plans again. He then decides he wants to get a job somewhere else but doesn't want to leave the area without me. I agree to go with, we decided we would live together when we move. It comes down to the interview and he backs out stating he can't leave his family (it's a family farm, he lives in his own house tho) since they would be devastated. He's 28. Ya. I know. I'm getting a little sick of it I guess, and said straight out - ok, do you want to move in together. He said it should work by the end of the year. Now, I am madly in love with this guy and cut him way more slack than I should. I am however starting to feel a little strung along - guess I'm just looking for opinions to see if I'm off track in feeling that way. Thanks much for your help
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You're not a priority to him. Sorry. He likes hanging out with you once a week, but doesn't want any more than that. If you do get fed up and break it off, be prepared for him to possibly step up his game in a big way. Nothing riles men like this one up more than the woman saying enough is enough. But if you cave, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same.
lordWilhelm Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 When you moved closer to him, he already sent you a message that he doesn't want to hang out with you more than he already is. Why did you think he'd want to move in together?
make me believe Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You're not a priority to him. Sorry. He likes hanging out with you once a week, but doesn't want any more than that. If you do get fed up and break it off, be prepared for him to possibly step up his game in a big way. Nothing riles men like this one up more than the woman saying enough is enough. But if you cave, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. I agree with this. Dang, only seeing each other once a week after being together for a year?? He likes having you as his "sometimes" girlfriend, but he isn't interested in the responsibility/commitment of having a proper girlfriend.
that girl Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You should have cut this off at the six month mark. A guy who likes you would want you closer. He just isn't that into you.
Daniel89 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yeah I wouldn't be dependant on a guy like this, hes just using you as an ego boost essentially.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 He's giving you hints and you're just not taking them. As Ruby said, you're not a priority to him. If you're only seeing each other once a week after being together for a year, my guess is that he's keeping his options open.
prettybaby Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Maybe I'm slow, but honestly, if my boyfriend had wanted to move closer after 6 months of dating, I would have felt a little pressured and that would have turned me off. So maybe the same happened to him. Maybe he just likes for things to develop smoothly instead of feeling pressured into commitment so often. That may have turned him off. Especially if he's always had his freedom (I don't know if he has, I'm just saying "if"). You're 32 and he's 28. Let's face it: as a man, he has nothing to rush for. He could settle down in 10 years and still have it all: home, wife, kids. You, on the other hand, are 32, and the clock is ticking. I sense that you two are not cruising at the same speed at all.
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