Girl I'm dating tells me that she doesn't kiss until in an exclusive relationship

[stuck with eharmony]

I met this girl on an online site. We had gone out on some dates, just to like art districts and aquariums and such. Nothing too special, just something to get to know each other. There is great chemistry between us, a lot of laughter and flirting. I notice that she is pretty conservative. She mentions things about how she couldn't invite me over to her house because her grandpa was over and he may get upset. Anyway this past weekend we are out on a date and at the end and we are cuddling on her couch, I lean in for a kiss and she rejects me. She tells me that she doesn't kiss until she is an exclusive relationship with someone. Those are her wishes which I totally respect but I found this a little strange. The date continued for about an hour more like really nothing had happened. Although I was little shaken up from being rejected. She texted me the next day saying hoped she didn't scare me away because that was the first time she had cuddled in three years. Is this normal or is she just making excuses. Just so you know I'm 23 and she's 20.

Thank you guys.

[fishtaco]

I met this girl on an online site. We had gone out on some dates, just to like art districts and aquariums and such. Nothing too special, just something to get to know each other. There is great chemistry between us, a lot of laughter and flirting. I notice that she is pretty conservative. She mentions things about how she couldn't invite me over to her house because her grandpa was over and he may get upset. Anyway this past weekend we are out on a date and at the end and we are cuddling on her couch, I lean in for a kiss and she rejects me. She tells me that she doesn't kiss until she is an exclusive relationship with someone. Those are her wishes which I totally respect but I found this a little strange. The date continued for about an hour more like really nothing had happened. Although I was little shaken up from being rejected. She texted me the next day saying hoped she didn't scare me away because that was the first time she had cuddled in three years. Is this normal or is she just making excuses. Just so you know I'm 23 and she's 20.

Thank you guys.

 

No, it's not normal. I would put her on the back burner. She may have intimacy hangups, or she's playing you. A kiss is really no big deal, when it's with someone you feel chemistry with.

 

It's been said so many times already. Plenty of fish in the sea. You should find one that suits you. Do you want a conservative girl that thinks kissing is something that should only be done when a relationship is serious and exclusive? What other conservative views does she have? No sex until marriage? Missionary position only? Blowjob is out of the question? Are you okay with that?

 

So these are the questions you have to ask yourself. The purpose of going on dates before starting a serious relationship is to weed out the ones that you may not have a good relationship with. So it's always a good idea to look for warning signs. Any sort of unusual behavior could be just personality quirks (and are you okay with it?), or tip of the ice berg indicating some other issues. You have to make the call. You were there, I wasn't.

 

If you were on a date with a hot chick. And you did something strange, would you scare away the hot chick? It's possible. Well that's what she did. So if you are scared away, it's 100% reasonable and expected. Women don't get to behave more strangely than men. We are equal. Strange behavior will have repercussions.

[lso802]

Might be a cultural barrier which would be normal for her. Question being is it acceptable to you? She might have other cultural ways of being that you might find strange.

 

One of my best friends is extremely conservative. She asks a guy to park at least a block away from her place so her parents don't see. Let alone getting into her place.

[Green]

Well if you arn't dating any one else and you plan on making her your gf it would have been a perfect time to says something smooth like "Baby we are exclusive" and then gone in for another attempted kiss.

 

Just tell her she is your gf and that neither of you are alloud to see other people. Then go in for the kiss.

[Cracker Jack]

Nah, that's not normal. Just seems odd how she's fine with cuddling but rejects your kiss. I'm also guessing she has some intimacy issues. No telling at this point. Sorry.

[Enchanted Girl]

I would not listen to fishtaco's post, especially considering his username.

 

There's only one part of his post I agree with. If you are not comfortable with the way she views relationships and treats kissing, it's fine if you break-up with her. I'm never going to judge you based on why you date someone or not. You have your own standards and expectations in a relationship and I like it when there's a variety of different standards out there in the world, rather than just one standard that everyone follows. Anyway . . . .

 

The word exclusive just means not dating other people. I honestly don't blame her for having this standard. Actually, all the guys I've ever dated were not dating other people at the time and only wanted to date me, so I might act the same in her position.

 

Because it's about respect. Most girls don't want to be the one that you go to for a good time when you are bored, but don't really care about. They want you to care, at least a little bit. Because if they give in too much to you when it comes to the physical aspects, then you might just come to her for only those things.

 

She's not asking you to marry her or something. Just to put yourself into the relationship before she puts more of herself into it. She probably starts taking relationships seriously once she kisses someone and if you just want to have a good time, she doesn't want to put any more of herself into it and wind up hurt.

 

I know kissing isn't the same as sex, but I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman viewing herself as valuable and not just kissing every single person she's attracted to.

[fishtaco]

I would not listen to fishtaco's post, especially considering his username.

 

I would not listen to Enchanted Girl's post, especially considering her username. Enchanted is probably a euphemism for being high.

 

Just kidding.

 

Well, I was hungry when I picked the name, and I was eating at Wahoo's Fishtaco near my house almost every day at the time. If you thought that was something else, then you have a dirty mind.

 

Anyway, I offer you peace.

 

Back to the topic, they're not in a relationship, so I don't know what you're talking about "breaking up". They have to be in a relationship first before a break up can happen. They're just going on dates at this point.

 

Also, if she shouldn't kiss just anyone she is attracted to, she also shouldn't cuddle with any one she is attracted to. One of the big problem here is the contradictory behavior. That's usually a sign that something is bad.

[Diezel]

Yes, let's start disregarding excellent advice based on usernames... are you kidding me???

 

Look OP... so far, everyone has missed the biggest point of them all:

 

If it takes an exclusive relationship to get a kiss, what do you think it will take to finally have sex with her?

 

 

Are you willing to jump through all of those hoops?

[that girl]

Is it normal? No. But what you should do now depends on a lot of things.

 

Are you looking for a committed relationship? If not, let her know and move on. There is no point putting her on the back burner, just end it.

 

If you are, I would think about how slow you are willing to take things. If you're willing to go several more dates without kissing, talk to her. See how she feels about things like pre-marital sex. You don't know until you ask.

[fishtaco]

Is it normal? No. But what you should do now depends on a lot of things.

 

Are you looking for a committed relationship? If not, let her know and move on. There is no point putting her on the back burner, just end it.

 

If you are, I would think about how slow you are willing to take things. If you're willing to go several more dates without kissing, talk to her. See how she feels about things like pre-marital sex. You don't know until you ask.

 

That's true. If you've made up your mind, ending it is an optionally nicer way to go than backburner. I'm so used to the backburner by now, as both the implementer and the recipient, because that's what everyone does around here, it has become my default action as well. It's kind of the industry standard for you're outta here.

[Ruby Slippers]

Well, odds are high she's not a slut.

[bac]

At 20, everything is OK/normal, because she has no experience.

Anyway, you should ask her about her other rules such as on making out, sex and other stuff which is important to you. Perhaps, ask her where she got the rules.

Ask yourself if you can handle all her rules. There is nothing difficult about being exclusive because all you need to do is just say her that you would like to be this way.

[stuck with eharmony]

Thank you all to the advice so far. She has told me that she is a no sex until marriage kind of girl and that I am okay with. I am also fine with how conservative she is, and actually I really like that about her. I find it cute. So I could definitely see myself in an exclusive relationship with her and I would like that.

I would like to ask her now to be in an exclusive relationship but I fear that if I ask her now that it may be too early for her, since we started talking online in late april and have had only 4 dates/get togethers. Since she is conservative that it may be too soon for her.

[bac]

Thank you all to the advice so far. She has told me that she is a no sex until marriage kind of girl and that I am okay with. I am also fine with how conservative she is, and actually I really like that about her. I find it cute. So I could definitely see myself in an exclusive relationship with her and I would like that.

I would like to ask her now to be in an exclusive relationship but I fear that if I ask her now that it may be too early for her, since we started talking online in late april and have had only 4 dates/get togethers. Since she is conservative that it may be too soon for her.

 

IMO Since she is conservative that it may be what she wants to hear by 4th date.

But, you can always ask her on her opinion on when she thinks it is the right time to talk about exclusivity.

[alphamale]

ditch this broad

[Nuprin]

If you're fine with her uber conservative views, then wait it out. But understand what you'll be experiencing a lot in the future, which can be summed up in two words: blue balls.

[Trimmer]

The word exclusive just means not dating other people.

If it were that simple, he should have just asked her "well, you're not dating other people right now, are you?" and gone in for a second attempt...

 

I think in her mind, (and, I believe in many others' minds) exclusive isn't just "not dating others", but actually "having the talk and agreeing that we WON'T date others." It's not just the passive fact of "not dating others" but the act of agreeing to this that is seen as a milestone in a relationship that people call being 'exclusive.'

[Pfiend101]

ditch this broad

Indeed. I wonder if by no sex she also means no oral etc. If a woman told me this I would have to be out the door. It's not 1820 anymore. I respect people who have this view but unfortunately its just not very realistic.

[USMCHokie]

No disrespect to the girl in question, but this is an easy Insta-LAUNCH...next please...

 

Are you into her only because she seems to be into you, or is she that great of an individual that you'd sacrifice that much to be in a relationship with her...?

[Pfiend101]

You have to test drive a car before you buy it.

[Phateless]

I met this girl on an online site. We had gone out on some dates, just to like art districts and aquariums and such. Nothing too special, just something to get to know each other. There is great chemistry between us, a lot of laughter and flirting. I notice that she is pretty conservative. She mentions things about how she couldn't invite me over to her house because her grandpa was over and he may get upset. Anyway this past weekend we are out on a date and at the end and we are cuddling on her couch, I lean in for a kiss and she rejects me. She tells me that she doesn't kiss until she is an exclusive relationship with someone. Those are her wishes which I totally respect but I found this a little strange. The date continued for about an hour more like really nothing had happened. Although I was little shaken up from being rejected. She texted me the next day saying hoped she didn't scare me away because that was the first time she had cuddled in three years. Is this normal or is she just making excuses. Just so you know I'm 23 and she's 20.

Thank you guys.

 

She's inexperienced or highly religious and trying to cover for that.

 

How much do you like this girl? I predict she will have lots of baggage and wonder if she will be worth the trouble.

[stuck with eharmony]

I like this girl a whole lot. I feel like I can be myself around her and not worry. I am a shy guy and I often try to hide that from girls. She noticed it when we first met, she even asked me at the end of the first get together, are you nervous because you seem nervous. That didn't seem to bother her like it would other girls. My main problem is because I am so into her I find myself getting or stressing about the little things that go wrong. I need to guard against letting that happen.

[lso802]

Well, odds are high she's not a slut.

 

 

As of now, you seem into her enough. Just keep on test driving. You don't have to make a decision now.

[Feelin Frisky]

I'm used to getting the same treatment but only in realtion to getting head. I don't think I'd sit still for no normal show of affection--a/k/a making out. Otherwise you could just be another used victim of a get over.

[skydiveaddict]

 

As of now, you seem into her enough. Just keep on test driving. You don't have to make a decision now.

 

 

 

I agree............