princess75 Posted February 5, 2004 Posted February 5, 2004 After crying miserably for 4 months now from ex bf, who if you have read my previous posts has gone with another gal, has come back to me while dating the other gal (not something I am proud of) but, now is again with that gal....but wants me back again. Basically it is something strange, he claims he loves me and I love him too. I don't understand this emotions we have for each other. When the breakup occurred we were fighting a lot so he broke up and starting to go out with this gal (who is innocent in all this situation) I begged him for us to try to solve our problems but that did not happen. Instead he would come to me, show me love, want me to kiss him...which I did give in too ....( I believe this was stupid and not honourable..but well..) Yesterday he came home as a friend, because I have put that limit for over a month now. And he says he loves me, that whatever happened was a mistake, I know this is true, I believe he is true but then I also know he is lying in many things. I would love for "us" to work out but then how do you forget and forgive everything? This is one part of the story, I know I am in love with him...but I don't know how to forgive him..or "us" Now the other part of the story, for which I feel because now I am hurting my ex maybe...is that because he ditched me twice I started going out with another man. I know this is rebound, even he knows ( the new one) Actually he helped me out of this circle with my ex. This has been going for 2 weeks, and this 2 weeks were actually wonderful! I have been feeling better in every aspect and I have made him happy too. But yesterday my ex came and I know that I love my ex, and this new one is not LOVE. (at least not yet) The new man is going for good from the country I live in...so we wont have much time to know each other...not in real life, yes through phone, email. The new guy is even sure he wants marriage with me (which is crazY!) Now, knowing my heart I am still in love with my ex, I have always felt he is the one. But using my logic it says leave both of them. But using my logic, I also say that because the new guy is going in 2 weeks I should spend the wonderful moments together and then separate (he knows this) What does anyone suggest? Thanx! I am confuseD!
SoleMate Posted February 5, 2004 Posted February 5, 2004 Suggest...that you sternly tell the old bf to get lost. He's a total cakeman, wanting you and the other girl. With new bf...he sounds kinda clingy. Two weeks on a rebound and he wants to get married?? Just keep it cool with him.
mandrews1119 Posted February 6, 2004 Posted February 6, 2004 Hey SoleMate, I totally agree with you! See, I knew we weren't really on opposite ends of the spectrum. No self-respecting man would try to come back to an ex and be hanging on to someone else, especially someone "new"! I won't call him names (because what I'd say would be censored), but he isn't sincere, and princess - you can take it from there.
calithin83 Posted February 6, 2004 Posted February 6, 2004 i say that if ure ex wants u back make him work for u, make him prove it....until he proves it remptely and he begs til u get sick of it then MAYBE he deserves another chance, and about the new bf he sounds a lil crazy for talking about marrigae so soon, a lil bit too much!!! i think what u need is some SOLO time, you yourself....stop focusing on boys and focus on yourself...BOYS come and Go...and if ur eally want someone to love u and be faithful and cherish u, u gotta put ure place, u gotta show that if they want u they gotta work for u and dont easily fall into words, words are just words, someone can easily say "i love you", "i miss you", "Im such a dumbass for leaving you" but that doesnt erase what they did or the hurt the put u through.... if they really want u back they gotta stop talking and start doing!!!
Author princess75 Posted March 5, 2004 Author Posted March 5, 2004 Hello, thanks for all the replies. They really help. At present I am going out with my ex bf, not really going out 100% buit trying. He has begged and done all, and now I am into it myself...although I still keep an eye on his behavior. The only strange thing is we are fighting a lot. I dont get it, we both are working on it but then why are we fighting about small issues. Is it becasue trust has been broken? Well, what makes me crazy is that he says he is not going to marry me, I mean I have not even reached that stage. Why is he trying to rebuild something he will sooner or later want to destroy ? I dont knwo ...does anyone have suggestions of what should be done in this case? The man I was dating (the "new guy") is the other ay around, he wants to get married within months. I wonder is it me? I dont want tomarry any of these guys. i love my ex bf, I am trying it out with him..but how can I if he will say a definite no to marriage. (not that I am prepared) The other one offers marriage but I dont love him. NOw can anyone tell me how to solve problems with my love and how to not be attracte to the offer of the 2nd man casue I am not in love. Or should I try with the second one jsut because he is willing to eventually marry? DOes it all make sense?> MEanwhile I am happy doing stuff in my life. thanks for advice...I know it might sound all too confusing...
NEONINK Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 Maybe neither guy is the "right one". ps. Why would you want a relationship in which you fight all the time? I would have thought it would have been a new lease on life and just one big honeymoon after getting back together.
lost_in_chgo Posted March 5, 2004 Posted March 5, 2004 Certainly it's neither of these guys. I know this for a fact because I am Mr Right. Funny though......no one else has realized that.
NEONINK Posted March 6, 2004 Posted March 6, 2004 well, lost_in_chgo, those of us that are great, keep getting squashed in this game of love. maybe the next time.
Author princess75 Posted March 6, 2004 Author Posted March 6, 2004 Thanks for the comments. Yeah, maybe it is niether...............WEll, let us see.................what happens..... Thanks
mandrews1119 Posted March 7, 2004 Posted March 7, 2004 Dear Princess, I hate to be pessimistic, but it sounds like "issues" with both of these guys. Your ex obviously needs to figure out what he wants. I am a firm believer in reconciliations, but not unless both parties are sincere. Otherwise someone is trying to get over at the emotional expense of the other. He doesn't want to let you go, but why? Either his intentions are honorable or not. You don't come back to someone on a "maybe". I wouldn't allow this to go on like it is without a clear commitment to working on something or going somewhere. The new guy is obviously fishing for an "in" with you, and the quickest way for some men is to promise marriage. Does he know about you and your ex, or that you are coming out of a relationship? If you are still even emotionally attached or involved with your ex, this (marriage) isn't the move to make. You will be stuck somewhere your heart really doesn't want to be .
Author princess75 Posted March 10, 2004 Author Posted March 10, 2004 Hello, thanks again. Ok, here is the picture. My ex bf, he is still in a see saw thing, and as I am not sure what to d..I am mantaining my distance. I dont want to take drastic measures if I dont know myself. But yeah maybe terms are fishy... The other guy knows all about my ex. He knows I am emotionally attachd tohim adn all and has loads of patience. I dont tihnk he wants to get "in" .. I think it is more like..."I need to get marriend, I am old enough...thing...." I am deciding to let go of him....he can be friends.. He has been very kind with me..but it is not love... ANd with my ex...I might also let go..if things dont seem to progress.. Thanks for all advices :-)
Author princess75 Posted August 10, 2004 Author Posted August 10, 2004 Ok guys...this is what has happened. I feel so lucky on one hand cause my ex bf the one I have truly loved came back to me. Did all to conquer me again, and tried his best to make it work. But on the other hand, I had always kept quiet about the fact that this other guy ever existed. The second one, which was just a less than a one month thing. Now, the bad thing is they were people who know each other. So, even though my love did all for me I only thought it was fair for him to know the truth. And I tried to tell him so many times, but he would not listen. We would fight, and then I would feel scared to tell him and would keep quiet. Till yesterday I bluntly told him what happened. That while he was with the other girl, I went with this guy, cause I was feeling miserable. Don't get me wrong, I know what I did was not the best thing to do...now that I see clearly but at that time, I was shattered. And the second guy the only thing he did was help out. He is still a casual friend, and has not ever tried to come back with me or anything which is very respectful. Now my 1st bf, he is my first sex partner ever and I am his 1st too. And what has happened is when I told him about the 2nd one, he just asked me one thing. Did I have sex with him? Unfortunately for him, I had. Only just one time, and this is because I felt that maybe I was not in love with my ex ..but I was actually attached to him Only because he is my 1st one in bed. But I was wrong, I was really in love with him. Well, all mistakes I was not proud of. Although don't get me wrong, I didn't cheat anyone, I was only with the 2nd guy at that time. And the only thing he did was listen to my stories... Now, my 1st bf ..who I love him deeply. Is totally shattered and mad for what happened. He has told me how could you, and said I loved you cause you were only mine, but now I will NEVER marry you.(This is another issue which he fights for) HE cannot tolerate I have slept with another man in my life besides him. HE tells me he will never trust me again nor any other woman nor man either. Cause the 2nd guy was after all someone I knew due to the 1st one. They had lived together for sometime. This is something I am not proud of either. But hey, it is done. Now, I wont try to save this relationship but I want to know if I had done something wrong at that time or not ? Cause the only thing I know is I feel guilty...when technically I was single. Please throw opinions. Thanks
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