three Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I had a very rocky relationship with a girl for 7 months, ended with an explosive breakup centered on infidelity/lies on her part. She broke up with me once before, then cut herself so I wouldn't leave. I was an idiot and fell for it and ended up being used. Basically we ended everything about a month ago and I've been trying to move on. However I'm wondering if she's worth keeping as friend since I still care about her. She text messaged me a few days ago just to say hello and also asked me about my love life. I told her that it was fantastic. Her reply was "they'll hurt you too I promise" I'm not really sure how to take that. Any help would be appreciated.
Ronni_W Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Her reply was "they'll hurt you too I promise" With "friends" like her, you won't need any enemies. Think under what conditions YOU would promise that to a "friend", and what YOU would want them to take from it. Also think, do YOU want "friends" who find it necessary, or think it supportive and encouraging to promise you something like that? Even if she is just projecting her own paranoia -- do YOU want or needs "friends" like that?
Author three Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 What do you mean by "Cut Herself"? I mean she actually slit her wrists. I was rather shellshocked after that point and fell right back into the storm because I was really concerned about her. I took her to counselling and whatnot, but I doubt it helped. Even if she is just projecting her own paranoia -- do YOU want or needs "friends" like that? I'm not sure what to think. When shes upset she can be quite cutting ,as can anyone. Truly I would not befriend someone who, off the bat insulted me, however we do have some history, and I did really love her. So I guess my question is: Why is she still contacting me? I would have no problems being friendly with her, but I just understand her motives. One minute she can be very friendly , and the next she acts like she doesnt want anything to do with me.
whatadeer26 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I would stay away. That is really serious that she cut herself. She is very unstable and that's not good for you.
paleblue Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 she sounds toxic. she'll just do the same thing to you as "friends" if thats what you want to call it. i say ditch her sorry a$$ you are better than that.
YellowShark Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) She seems to be a liar and a cheat. She also seems to be so ill she will mutilate herself to manipulate you. Sounds like a very very sick woman to me. Cut her off and go NC or she will bring you nothing but pain. I would have no problems being friendly with her, but I just understand her motives. One minute she can be very friendly , and the next she acts like she doesnt want anything to do with me. Two words. Bi Polar. Trust me.. been there, done that, got the t-shirt. ... Edited July 8, 2010 by YellowShark to add quote
Author three Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 YellowShark you are quite correct in that she is a liar and a cheat. I have tried NC and it went well for a while until she contacted me acting friendly. I assumed that meant we could talk on friendly terms again, but I was quite wrong. Indeed she might be bipolar, but I have a feeling she has BPD. After all the hell I went through I still feel that I can't just leave her to fend for herself, since she lies to all her friends and family about the extent of her self mutilation. I still do care for her. So is the general consensus that I ignore all her attempts at contact and forget about her?
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 She seems to be a liar and a cheat. She also seems to be so ill she will mutilate herself to manipulate you. Sounds like a very very sick woman to me. There's a poster here who slit her wrists over a guy, on the third date, I think. In that case, I believe it was manipulation. Here, I'm not so sure. But she's definitely not well... Either way, I'd keep your distance. Far, far, far away.
Author three Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Well, I guess that settles it then. I'll just cut her off completely. It was hard to know what to do since my emotions were blinding me. Thanks a lot everyone! You guys are awesome!
Ilovecake Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 If you like being manipulated by unstable people I say go for the friendship otherwise get as far away from the psycho as possible.
Author three Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 You're right, perhaps a friendship isn't the best thing. However it is hard to let go. I've been making progress though. What do I do the next time she contacts me? Just ignore her completely? I'd feel like a complete a$$.
LoveTruthChaos Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. You gotta think about yourself now, not an emotionally blackmailing HEADCASE like she is (can you tell I've been there before?) END. ALL. CONTACT. FOREVER. That's the only way your life will progress. And if you think you're being mean by ignoring her, think about when she manipulated you by cutting herself to stay by her side. That was selfish and cruel to YOU, and you deserve better.
Author three Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 Ending all contact is probably the best, and I can manage that from now on, however shes a coworker and I will be seeing her at our training sessions in a month. Thats going to be the worst. I don't know how I'm supposed to act, I still harbor some hatred towards her. Additionally, immediately after we broke up, she started hooking up with another coworker of mine. I'll be seeing this guy weekly at meetings... What the hell do I do to preserve my sanity?
YellowShark Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 Ending all contact is probably the best, It will save you great heartache and distress. ..however shes a coworker and I will be seeing her at our training sessions in a month. NEVER EVER date a coworker and this is exactly the reason why. I don't know how I'm supposed to act, I still harbor some hatred towards her. Ignore her. It'll be hard. But she is toxic. Additionally, immediately after we broke up, she started hooking up with another coworker of mine. Wow. Isn't she a piece of work. I'll be seeing this guy weekly at meetings... Well if he comes into the meeting with a fork stuck in the middle of his forehead you'll know exactly where it came from! What the hell do I do to preserve my sanity? By not taking ownership for her insanity.
Author three Posted July 11, 2010 Author Posted July 11, 2010 Thanks for the reply. Ignoring her completely is the only option I have left, so it seems. I really do want to move on from this mental/emotional hellhole. I don't really know how to proceed though. Shes on my mind 24/7 like a plague. I try to forget and to move on but the pain just lingers. My life has been thrown into chaos because of this crap. I know she's psycho, and I know she isn't good for me. Yet its ridiculous that my emotions defy my own reasoning.
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