75 Lessons of Relationships

July 8, 2010

Somebody forwarded this to me:

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you

deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like

that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at

yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different

women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't

that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the

situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow

himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away

and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the No.1 person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone

unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

47. All men are NOT dogs.

48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.

49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.

50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.

51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute

about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.

57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end

it - but it takes two to make it work.

58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you

there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

63. Never move into his mother's house.

64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

68. Never let a man mess up your credit.

69. When it's time to let go; let go.

70. Good men should be treated like good men.

71. Don't play games.

72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs,

personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.

Thoughts? I pretty much agree with all but #62.

July 8, 2010

Whooooaaaahhh! This is AWEsome!! Ouch!

July 8, 2010

interesting list. i'm a guy so the list would be very different for me but it's nice to see the other side.

July 8, 2010

I didn't read past #18, but those first 18 all sounded like "if things are difficult or at all uncomfortable in the beginning, you should bail". Which I don't really agree with.

July 8, 2010

I really like #44.....so many people forget that simple truth, men and women both.

July 8, 2010

7. Slower is better.

Not necessarily but on average, probably. This is reliant on the individuals.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

As an atheist, couldn't disagree with this more.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

This is incredibly narcissistic. Within relationships, sometimes you have to give and compromise.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

If you're not married, forget the discussion. Just ditch him.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

No they don't. If words and actions mesh, that's what you're looking for. If the two don't match, he's hiding something that you should know.

55. Never become your man's "therapist".

Disagree to a degree. Every couple bounces problems off each other. If someone doesn't do this, they either don't respect your judgement or believe themselves to have all the answers. Red flags with both.

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.

These two are the same side of the same coin. The compatible personality type will have similar requirements for or anti-space. If you're feeling clingy or being accused of it, you're with the wrong person, unless you want 24/7 attention.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

This is the dumbest rule yet. If a man uses a vulnerability against you, he's curb material. It's the fastest and easiest way to figure out if he's a dick.

65. Never co-sign for a man.

Ummm...this is stupid. Married couples cosign for many loans and mortgages.

67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.

I smell narcissist again. If you want to be spoiled, be prepared to spoil.

75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.

WTF?

July 8, 2010

Somebody forwarded this to me:
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don't settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like
that?
14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different
women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't
that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the
situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow
himself -- double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away
and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the No.1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb ...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone
unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end
it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you
there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it's time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don't play games.
72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs,
personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.

Thoughts? I pretty much agree with all but #62.

Someone backwarded this to me:

1. If a man wants you nothing can keep him away, except mace. If he doesn't want you, handcuffs.

2. Stop making excuses for why you tolerate abuse.

3. If you have any doubts about a man's character, run him through a series of increasingly strident tests.

4. Allow your preconceptions to save you from happiness.

5. Never compromise. If you feel the need to adjust it wasn't meant to be.

6. Don't force a restraining order.

7. Slower is better than never.

8. A man will never make you truly happy.

9. Treat any man who did not measure up as a pariah. A friend would've toed the line.

10. Follow religious precepts so long as they don't conflict with your mood.

11. Don't settle for anything less than half.

12. If you feel like he's stringing you along, he must be.

13. If he changes his mind even once he's clearly a sociopath. Call the police immediately.

14. Stand firm in your belief that things can never get better.

15. There is only one reason a man dumps you: he wants your sister.

16. If a man has no mess he must be honorable.

17. The only person you can't control in a relationship is you.

18. Avoid a man who has bred with more than one woman. He will inevitably cheat on you.

19. Most men are frogs but you can turn a good kisser into a prince with medication.

20. Love means never putting someone else first.

21. Keep your friends separate from your man, so that he won't stray or be able to defend himself.

22. Keep your man at arm's length and if he tries to get closer read him the riot act.

23. Everything you see on Sex and the City should be treated as Gospel.

24. Be honest and upfront about trivial things.

25. Constantly remind him that you can always cut his cord.

26. Once you've thoroughly fried your man's brain, move on to next victim.

27. If he doesn't treat you with the same respect and deference he would to the woman who gave birth to and raised him, he is suspect.

28. Anything you disapprove of can be categorized as abuse.

29. Break his will.

30. Impose rules that automatically create a double-standard, then enforce them with Draconian efficiency.

31. You are more important than the his paycheck. So much so that he better start making a bigger one.

32. Do not elevate your estimation of him above worm.

33. Demand obedience, and if he can't give it to you, withhold sex.

34. Give him the silent treatment until he begs forgiveness for smiling at that little whore of a waitress.

35. All men are cheaters and liars, even if the facts say otherwise.

36. As soon as he opens his mouth, stuff your foot in it.

37. Never let a man define who he is.

38. View any compliment from your man as suspicious, but don't tolerate any criticism.

39. Don't screw up another woman's training technique.

40. Eventhough you also cheated, you are capable of fidelity. He is not.

41. When a man says "I Love You" it means he's got something to hide.

42. To use hard-won wisdom, "inflict more pain next time."

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the number one person in your life, which is you.

44. Love is a four-letter word.....

45. If you are available, loving, and giving you will only get hurt, so why bother?

46. This one speaks for itself.

47. Not all men are dogs. Some are pussies.

48. Never bend over backward to please a man. Or forward for that matter.

49. You can manage to love another just so long as it doesn't interfere with your love of yourself.

50. A broken heart is damaged goods.

51. Be sure you take the time to properly prepare for your next rampage.

52. A man does not complete you. He's the one who's incomplete.

53. Whore around for awhile until you find a likely sap.

54. Never take less from a relationship than you are taking from it.

55. If your man is struggling emotionall, that's his problem.

56. Actions speak louder than words. If he says he'll be there at six and doesn't show at 5:45, you'll never be able to trust him.

57. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to end it....you!

58. If a man doesn't constantly shower you with affection he must be emasculated with extreme prejudice.

59. Keep him guessing as to where you are at all times.

60. Give him space. A corner in the spare room should be sufficient. Let him hang out with the friends you choose.

61. Never trust him alone with another woman, not even your own daughter.

62. Keep secrets from your man so that you can abuse his ignorance.

63. His mother is a woman he loves, so is already a bitch.

64. Hide your money from him. Otherwise he'll steal it.

65. Failure to cosign your loan is a deal-braker.

66. No man is perfect. Neither are they innocent, trustworthy, or house-broken.

67. It is better to get head than to give it.

68. Never let a man screw up your credit. That's your job.

69. When it's time to go, he'd better not be drunk.

70. Men should be treated according to your definition of good.

71. Don't play games you can't win.

72. Suck every last drop of energy and self-respect from a man, then complain that he's commitmentphobic.

73. Always be on the lookout for a better deal.

74. His background must be acceptable to your friends and family.

75. Never date a man who wears colored contact lens. Lingerie and fishnets, maybe.

July 8, 2010

Someone backwarded this to me:

1. If a man wants you nothing can keep him away, except mace. If he doesn't want you, handcuffs.
2. Stop making excuses for why you tolerate abuse.
3. If you have any doubts about a man's character, run him through a series of increasingly strident tests.
4. Allow your preconceptions to save you from happiness.
5. Never compromise. If you feel the need to adjust it wasn't meant to be.
6. Don't force a restraining order.
7. Slower is better than never.
8. A man will never make you truly happy.
9. Treat any man who did not measure up as a pariah. A friend would've toed the line.
10. Follow religious precepts so long as they don't conflict with your mood.
11. Don't settle for anything less than half.
12. If you feel like he's stringing you along, he must be.
13. If he changes his mind even once he's clearly a sociopath. Call the police immediately.
14. Stand firm in your belief that things can never get better.
15. There is only one reason a man dumps you: he wants your sister.
16. If a man has no mess he must be honorable.
17. The only person you can't control in a relationship is you.
18. Avoid a man who has bred with more than one woman. He will inevitably cheat on you.
19. Most men are frogs but you can turn a good kisser into a prince with medication.
20. Love means never putting someone else first.
21. Keep your friends separate from your man, so that he won't stray or be able to defend himself.
22. Keep your man at arm's length and if he tries to get closer read him the riot act.
23. Everything you see on Sex and the City should be treated as Gospel.
24. Be honest and upfront about trivial things.
25. Constantly remind him that you can always cut his cord.
26. Once you've thoroughly fried your man's brain, move on to next victim.
27. If he doesn't treat you with the same respect and deference he would to the woman who gave birth to and raised him, he is suspect.
28. Anything you disapprove of can be categorized as abuse.
29. Break his will.
30. Impose rules that automatically create a double-standard, then enforce them with Draconian efficiency.
31. You are more important than the his paycheck. So much so that he better start making a bigger one.
32. Do not elevate your estimation of him above worm.
33. Demand obedience, and if he can't give it to you, withhold sex.
34. Give him the silent treatment until he begs forgiveness for smiling at that little whore of a waitress.
35. All men are cheaters and liars, even if the facts say otherwise.
36. As soon as he opens his mouth, stuff your foot in it.
37. Never let a man define who he is.
38. View any compliment from your man as suspicious, but don't tolerate any criticism.
39. Don't screw up another woman's training technique.
40. Eventhough you also cheated, you are capable of fidelity. He is not.
41. When a man says "I Love You" it means he's got something to hide.
42. To use hard-won wisdom, "inflict more pain next time."
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the number one person in your life, which is you.
44. Love is a four-letter word.....
45. If you are available, loving, and giving you will only get hurt, so why bother?
46. This one speaks for itself.
47. Not all men are dogs. Some are pussies.
48. Never bend over backward to please a man. Or forward for that matter.
49. You can manage to love another just so long as it doesn't interfere with your love of yourself.
50. A broken heart is damaged goods.
51. Be sure you take the time to properly prepare for your next rampage.
52. A man does not complete you. He's the one who's incomplete.
53. Whore around for awhile until you find a likely sap.
54. Never take less from a relationship than you are taking from it.
55. If your man is struggling emotionall, that's his problem.
56. Actions speak louder than words. If he says he'll be there at six and doesn't show at 5:45, you'll never be able to trust him.
57. It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to end it....you!
58. If a man doesn't constantly shower you with affection he must be emasculated with extreme prejudice.
59. Keep him guessing as to where you are at all times.
60. Give him space. A corner in the spare room should be sufficient. Let him hang out with the friends you choose.
61. Never trust him alone with another woman, not even your own daughter.
62. Keep secrets from your man so that you can abuse his ignorance.
63. His mother is a woman he loves, so is already a bitch.
64. Hide your money from him. Otherwise he'll steal it.
65. Failure to cosign your loan is a deal-braker.
66. No man is perfect. Neither are they innocent, trustworthy, or house-broken.
67. It is better to get head than to give it.
68. Never let a man screw up your credit. That's your job.
69. When it's time to go, he'd better not be drunk.
70. Men should be treated according to your definition of good.
71. Don't play games you can't win.
72. Suck every last drop of energy and self-respect from a man, then complain that he's commitmentphobic.
73. Always be on the lookout for a better deal.
74. His background must be acceptable to your friends and family.
75. Never date a man who wears colored contact lens. Lingerie and fishnets, maybe.

hilarious

July 8, 2010

Interesting.

#7 and #12 are contradictory.

I'm stringing along a woman right now, by moving very slowly.

July 8, 2010

I was just skimming along, and...

75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.

...wha...? ha. That's so random. Was it one of those things where the author just wants to see if you read 'til the end?

July 9, 2010

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

11. Don't settle.

^ I totally believe in these

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

^ I don't necessarily believe in that one

July 9, 2010

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first. Very True. It doesn't mean be selfish. It's just a matter of also making yourself a priority. If you don't take care of yourself first, you can't be able to take care of others.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. These two can go hand in hand.

54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it. 'Nuff said.

56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions. This applies to all situations, not just dating.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. The only thing about this is, this quality tends to reveals itself only after you're both equally emotionally vested i.e. LTR.

63. Never move into his mother's house. In no way would a partnership even be possible.

65. Never co-sign for a man. Very true. The key is the difference between "for" and "with".

72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Probably my only objection of the list. "Everything" is unrealistic. Coming close though is nice.

75. Never date a guy who wears color contact lens. NTTAWWT but it has a tendency to be viewed as vain & effeminate. (Personally, I've only known one guy to have done this and he was gay.)

Good thread... and certainly food for thought.

July 9, 2010

The point of shakz satirical reply was that the entire list might touch upon a few good points, but anything that is forwarded in chain letters should be taken with a HUGE grain of salt.

He just flips the entire thing around to prove a point, that if you look at the statements differently, they look completely ridiculous.

Besides, you can't base a relationship on 75 different memes...

July 9, 2010

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

don't these two contradict this one??:

71. Don't play games.

hmmm........

July 9, 2010

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

don't these two contradict this one??:

71. Don't play games.

hmmm........

59 and 71 definitely contradict each other. It's like when her profile says "no games" yet she plays games before we even meet.

July 9, 2010

I think the first 25 or so made sense. After that the person was trying too hard and it became convoluted and watered down. Some good ideas though.

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