gamma1 Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think Confidence is selling what you've got. Arrogance is overselling what you've got. Wow... think I just answered my original question. If you don't have much, how can you be confident? That's what I don't get. For example, if you've never slept with a woman, how on Earth can you be confident in your ability to please a woman during sex?
TheLoneSock Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 I think Confidence is selling what you've got. Arrogance is overselling what you've got. Wow... think I just answered my original question. Well done
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Then what is it that you have the potential to become/do that your social anxiety (you, and your worry of what others think of you) is holding you back from? I should have went to school, graduated and had a good career by now. Instead I don't have a job and owe student loans to a school that I never finished. I don't want to go into all of the details but I lost faith in the school because it was so poorly run and stopped going. Because it's hard for me to talk on the phone especially when it's something important or with someone I don't know, I ignored the loans for years now and haven't gone back to school or paid them off. So my credit is pretty messed up. I don't have a lot of friends and don't meet many women because it's hard for me to be in social situations without being nervous or anxious all of the time. When I was younger I had all sorts of dreams of what I wanted to do, but now I just can't seem to do anything. Although I am a good person on the inside, I don't think that really matters if I have nothing to show for my 26 years on this earth. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself and when I meet someone that I really like, I raise all of my expectations of myself and become overwhelmed because I feel like I should have this or that going for me in my life when I don't.
TheLoneSock Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I should have went to school, graduated and had a good career by now. Instead I don't have a job and owe student loans to a school that I never finished. I don't want to go into all of the details but I lost faith in the school because it was so poorly run and stopped going. Because it's hard for me to talk on the phone especially when it's something important or with someone I don't know, I ignored the loans for years now and haven't gone back to school or paid them off. So my credit is pretty messed up. I don't have a lot of friends and don't meet many women because it's hard for me to be in social situations without being nervous or anxious all of the time. When I was younger I had all sorts of dreams of what I wanted to do, but now I just can't seem to do anything. Although I am a good person on the inside, I don't think that really matters if I have nothing to show for my 26 years on this earth. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself and when I meet someone that I really like, I raise all of my expectations of myself and become overwhelmed because I feel like I should have this or that going for me in my life when I don't. These are real problems. And they are enough to put a damper on anyone's self esteem. I think your problem is not so much a lack of confidence, but a surplus of things that chronically injure your self esteem. (That probably sounded like bullsh*t, but I really think it's the case) You do yourself a disservice by thinking that since you are 26, have no complete education yet, and are in debt (who isn't?!), that your life is over. Since when is 26 old? Most people don't have their life together until they are in their 30's anyway. Someone who is financially set might still be drowning in the dating world, and consider themselves a failure, or that it's over. But it's not by a long shot. I think it would behoove you to stop giving a f*ck, do what you have to do to finish your education, and find a way out of your hole what ever it takes. It sounds like you are sitting stagnant right now with no plan B. Your plan A failed, and now you're stuck. If there's anything my dad taught me it's that you ALWAYS have to have a plan B. Normally when people say "it's never too late" they are talking to a 30 something guy who never went to college, or a 40 something woman who never had kids. You are FAR from that.
Gero Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 These are real problems. And they are enough to put a damper on anyone's self esteem. I think your problem is not so much a lack of confidence, but a surplus of things that chronically injure your self esteem. (That probably sounded like bullsh*t, but I really think it's the case) You do yourself a disservice by thinking that since you are 26, have no complete education yet, and are in debt (who isn't?!), that your life is over. Since when is 26 old? Most people don't have their life together until they are in their 30's anyway. Someone who is financially set might still be drowning in the dating world, and consider themselves a failure, or that it's over. But it's not by a long shot. I think it would behoove you to stop giving a f*ck, do what you have to do to finish your education, and find a way out of your hole what ever it takes. It sounds like you are sitting stagnant right now with no plan B. Your plan A failed, and now you're stuck. If there's anything my dad taught me it's that you ALWAYS have to have a plan B. Normally when people say "it's never too late" they are talking to a 30 something guy who never went to college, or a 40 something woman who never had kids. You are FAR from that. Thanks. I agree with you on everything. It's just tough to get through some of these things when you have no one to turn to or look up to. My dad is not in my life and I don't have a great relationship with my siblings or mom. Partly because I have been all but kicked out of the family recently. It's hard to recover from that even though things are getting better. I've always felt way older than I am, but that's probably because I went through so much as a kid and never had a real childhood experience. I understand it's not too late and I fight those feelings everyday. I'm trying to get a job now and then try to get back into school. It's tough getting out there with social anxiety, but if I get a job with benefits I might be able to get some therapy to help me get over some things. The reason I lost my previous job is because of my depression and social anxiety. The job sucked and was stressful but it was compounded by my other issues. I appreciate your post. It was very helpful.
TheLoneSock Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Thanks. I agree with you on everything. It's just tough to get through some of these things when you have no one to turn to or look up to. My dad is not in my life and I don't have a great relationship with my siblings or mom. Partly because I have been all but kicked out of the family recently. It's hard to recover from that even though things are getting better. I've always felt way older than I am, but that's probably because I went through so much as a kid and never had a real childhood experience. I understand it's not too late and I fight those feelings everyday. I'm trying to get a job now and then try to get back into school. It's tough getting out there with social anxiety, but if I get a job with benefits I might be able to get some therapy to help me get over some things. The reason I lost my previous job is because of my depression and social anxiety. The job sucked and was stressful but it was compounded by my other issues. I appreciate your post. It was very helpful. No problem dude. I think we can all understand what it's like to have a sh*tty job, or one that makes your life a living hell. We've all been there. As someone who used to have really bad anxiety as well, I understand what you mean. You'd never guess it if you met me in person, but I used to be very socially nervous, in high school in particular and even into the beginning of college (I'm 23 now). What I found to be my cure was this: consistent social immersion. What I mean by that is, if you're anything like me, too much time spent out of social settings only makes the problem worse when it does come time to be in a social setting. When I realized that it was compounding in itself like that, I started making it a point to socially interact with a group of people EVERY single day as a way of keeping me out of that social stagnancy. It worked tremendously, to the point where I have pretty much grown out of it - I am not 'in your face' outgoing, but more often than not I am actually now the center of attention in a group, rather the one sitting on the side lines not wanting to engage. You being unemployed does not help, as you do not even have fellow employees or customers to engage with. Not being very close with your family any more also does not help at all, as does not having many friends. You can still make it a point to get out and go somewhere and be with people though, interact with strangers, make new friends even. Remember, stagnancy is going to be your worst enemy more than anything. You have to get the ball rolling, force yourself if you must. Being confident and outgoing work hand in hand.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Umm, sorry but who actually does that? Were you at a bar or something? Lol That whole image seems like something straight out of a cliche movie. You'd be surprised. See thread about cat calling from cars! Yes, this has only happened at bar type environments. I think the booze intensifies arrogance!
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