earthfireuk Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Hey, I am thinking of sending my ex a letter. She broke up with me 5 weeks ago and we have been in light contact since (Mainly initiated by me). I have another post with the history but will give you a brief outline. Met her last year and we got together -she was perfect (only together 4 weeks before she left). She went travelling (already had it planned). I saved up, gave up my job and went out there with her Became complicated (she kept getting cold feet,she beleived a relationship would tie her down as she seriously has the travel bug). We argued out there because I didn't seem to be enjoying myself as much (suffered from anxiety while away and also felt insecure because of her commitment issues). We aggreed to work on our relationship at home in a normal situation as since we were together it was always so pressured because of the situation. 2 weeks after we get back she ends it because she beleives relationships are far too complicated when travelling is involved and her feelings changed. We have been talking but not properly and she sounds wierd, cold, uptight and stressed on the phone. (not the bubbly caring, funny person she once was). I think this is because she knows how i feel about her its making her upset. I thought about sending her a letter to defuse the situation and put her at ease. Would you mind reading it and letting me know what you think? Your guidence would be really appreciated. "Dear ****, I wanted to write this letter to you because I feel it is the only way I can tell you how I feel without you feeling the pressure and upset of me telling you what I need to say in person or on the phone. I feel like any contact between us makes you unhappy and the last thing I want is for you to resent me. Even the rare times we talk on the phone now you seem like a different person. I know you can’t be the person you once were with me. It’s upsetting to hear you talk to me like someone you don’t even like anymore. I do understand though why you find it hard and I don’t blame you. Since our relationship ended I have been the one initiating contact with you and I want to apologise for not respecting your decision and making it harder for you over the past few weeks. It just wasn’t easy for me to walk away from someone I cared so deeply for. I want you to know that I have moved on and now feel that you did the right thing by making the decision to end our relationship. I would never wish for you to be unhappy and if being with me wasn’t making you happy, then I would rather you did what was best for you than end up settling for something which you felt wasn’t right for you. Thank you so much for the experience I had with you. It may sound silly but it really has changed my life. Before I went away I felt trapped and helpless to change my situation. I believe that people come into your life for different reasons. Meeting you and going travelling with you has helped me to see what I need to do in my life to make myself happy. I now have the passion, energy and determination within me to fulfil everything I ever dreamed of and I have you to thank for helping me to find that place. I will always see you as the girl who opened my eyes. We had some beautiful times together which I will never forget. The lift at work, our picnic in the park, the funny emails we sent to each other every day, our lunchtime adventures and the night I told you how I felt about you. We were happiest when things were simple. It was a wonderful journey for me and I will always remember the good times. Your friend always, ***. x"
northstar1 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 That's a lovely letter. NEVER SEND IT. These types of letters have an intended success rate of about 3.7%. You want to use the letter as a time machine to take her back to when you were in love and when the relationship was great. It doesn't work that way. You want her to say "I miss you and want you back" If you send it, what will likely happen is: She will read it and not respond She will ready it, respond in a 'friendly, dismissive' manner. Both will result in you having your heart torn out, put on the ground and smashed with a hammer. Trust me when I say to leave the letter in draft.
chooch Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 That's a lovely letter. NEVER SEND IT. These types of letters have an intended success rate of about 3.7%. You want to use the letter as a time machine to take her back to when you were in love and when the relationship was great. It doesn't work that way. You want her to say "I miss you and want you back" If you send it, what will likely happen is: She will read it and not respond She will ready it, respond in a 'friendly, dismissive' manner. Both will result in you having your heart torn out, put on the ground and smashed with a hammer. Trust me when I say to leave the letter in draft. Trust northstar1... The regulars who are on here have been around and experienced what you and I are still in early (various) stages of going through. They have their heads screwed on and aren't blinded by emotion. Seriously.
Author earthfireuk Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 Your right, I won't send it. I have given her far too much already. Was just feeling weak earlier. I had to break NC yesterday... I found something out about a health issue she had but not had it looked at and had to tell her to go and see a doctor as it's important she goes asap. I think she thought I was using it as an excuse to speak to her though. I texted her telling her to please go and see a doc about it and she then called me ( i really didn't want to speak to her as I was doing well in NC). I just felt I had to tell her as the implications if it was something serious could be nasty. She was so wierd, cold. firm and like it was a real effort to talk to me on the phone, she sounded pretty resentful aswell for some reason... was like talking to a different person. I was all bubbly and friendly as I always have been. I honestly felt I had no choice though and I did it because i was worried about her and I knew she wouldn't get it looked at if I didn't say anything. Now I feel like a dick as she probably thinks I did it to get her attention, which is so far from the truth its unreal. I just want her to be safe. I just wanted to send her a letter to explain in a nice way that Im moving on so it would defuse her stress about thinking I want to get back with her. I do but I would never put myself in a position of weakness by telling her that again. I have told her far too many times since we broke up.
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 ..... I was all bubbly and friendly as I always have been. I honestly felt I had no choice though and I did it because i was worried about her and I knew she wouldn't get it looked at if I didn't say anything. What you should have told her was - "Oh fer chrissakes, get over yourself! I'm trying to do you a favour here! Look forget it. You don't wanna go to the doctor? then don't. See if I care. I was just trying to do you a favour, but you know what? do what the hell you like." And I'd have slammed the phone down. As much as that might have hurt you, it couldn't hurt any worse than you're hurting now. And it would knock her off her self-righteous sanctimonious pedestal. It would tell her you're getting over things and you know what? it would surprise her, because she expects you to pine, whine and generally roll over like a kicked puppy and beg for more beatings. As that letter would have shown her.
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