RuinedMyLife Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 When my bf broke up with me the day after a huge argument that was my fault (for details see my Utter Despair post), I was in a complete state of shock, so I didn't say any of the things I needed to say. However, when he broke up with me. He made it clear that its over and theres no going back. I did send him one last appology/ goodbye email as we left things in a really bad way... But I know from now on keeping NC is for the best... its just I still feel like there are so many things I should have said to him which I didn't. I know its over for good, and I doubt there is anything I could say to him at this point that would bring him back... only push him further away. But I just really regret not saying all the things I feel should have said. I need lots of encouragement to give me the strength to keep NC, so any wise words of wisdom to that affect would be much appreciated. Thanks PS: Please don't advise me to contact him because I honestly don't think it would be a good idea.
matildack Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 You are absolutely right by following the NC rule. Most likely there is nothing you can say at this point that would change his mind, especially when he clearly stated that it's truly over. Words only mean so much. It's time to pamper yourself and participate in healthy, positive activities that don't remind you of him. I am in the process of NC right now as well-- and it is hard, but you will get through it!
nevertoolate Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Have you considered typing/writing these thoughts into a letter? I would certainly not recommend sending the letter...just put them in a Word document or on paper and then close the file. In a few weeks you might stumble across the document, and you'll likely be able to look back on it having taken steps in the direction of 'moving on'. Good luck to you. Hugs.
Author RuinedMyLife Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 Thanks for the responses! You are absolutely right by following the NC rule. Most likely there is nothing you can say at this point that would change his mind, especially when he clearly stated that it's truly over. Words only mean so much. It's time to pamper yourself and participate in healthy, positive activities that don't remind you of him. I am in the process of NC right now as well-- and it is hard, but you will get through it! I know you're right. But its just so hard. Knowing that it wouldn't have ended if I had not said the things I did/ acted the way I did... and that it may not have ended if I had told him how much I loved him and how I would do anything to make it up to him/ make it work. Have you considered typing/writing these thoughts into a letter? I would certainly not recommend sending the letter...just put them in a Word document or on paper and then close the file. In a few weeks you might stumble across the document, and you'll likely be able to look back on it having taken steps in the direction of 'moving on'. Good luck to you. Hugs. Mmm... I suppose that could work. But I have thought about these things a lot already. Do you think if I wrote them down I'd be too tempted to send them to him? I do feel very tempted right now... but I know I must resist... I just can't bare to think about how much he hates me now. It breaks my heart and makes me hate myself for causing that hatred.
Author RuinedMyLife Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) Had a dream that me and my ex got back together and woke up desperate to talk to him and explain things so I could get another chance. I'm just so desperate for him to forgive me. But I know he's unlikely to. If I could talk to him though there are so many things I would say to him that I didn't, so many promises I would make, so many things I would try so much harder at in the relationship. I hate this sense of complete loss and utter despairing. But the worst thing of all is knowing that its all my fault and I may have been able to fix it/ it didn't have to happen this way.... but that now its far to late to chance what happened/ fix things.... Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I just know from the ice cold look in his eyes when he dumped me that he's never going to forgive me for how I acted, let alone give me another chance and it hurts like hell. I hate to be dramatic, and I know I can be an overly-emotional person at times... but it feels like I've ripped out half my soul for nothing. I thought I was starting to forgive myself/ accept what happened yesterday, but I guess pain like that is only ever masked? And never disappears completely? Its just completely baffling and heart crushing how he could go from loving me so much one minute to hating me so much the next, just because of the things I said / how I reacted... Edited July 9, 2010 by RuinedMyLife
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 There were a lot of things left unsaid after my breakup. I ended up sending him 2 long letters. I saw him after one, and he responded to the other. But I didn't send them for a response, but rather to say what I needed to say, and get things off my chest. I knew that I had to communicate those thoughts, or I'd drive myself crazy. If you feel the same way, I'm all for sending a letter. But you have to send it with the assumption that he will never respond, or may respond with something you don't want to hear. So keep that in mind before saying whatever it is you need to say. That said, I still have more things I want to say and that are still unsaid, but I no longer feel compelled to share those things with him.
shaquira Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) Unfortunately...I did almost the same things you did and he dumped me i lost a good bf by acting stupid read my posts if you want to compare its been over 2 weeks since i saw him and he hasnt called basically you (we) ARE AT THESE TWO MEN'S mercy I am living each day thinking if he wants to forgive, he will call and maybe not, mens ego are so fragile it sucks and im down coz of this i like to drink(one or 2 glass of wine)b4 bed to calm down I'm meeting new guys and the fake it till you make it! is my new way of thinking my heart still aches for him so can't get involved right away..I'm meeting guys to try to get out and so i can stop waiting near the phone! if you want to chat add me i dont mind Edited July 9, 2010 by shaquira
Author RuinedMyLife Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Feel like I'm entering serious melt down here Sooo desperate to talk to my ex the feeling is paralysing me almost. I can't bare it anymore.... =S
Ilovecake Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Give it a little more time and in a little while you will see how unimportant all those things you want to say are in the grand scheme of things. In a month or so you will see that even though you want to talk to him there is nothing to say. Like someone said write him a letter and then burn it, that will at least quiet down some of your temptation to contact him. It's true no matter what you say to him it will only push him away further. It doesn't matter whether he is mad at you or not since he is no longer in your life, so no need to contact him. Also remember no matter how badly you want to break NC it’s just a temptation, it won’t hurt you, it will go away, you just have to ride it out a little longer.
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