Kanuk Posted February 5, 2004 Posted February 5, 2004 I'm back again... and this is probably the wrong forum to post this on, but it kind of feels like home here. I'll probably put this on the dating forum as well. Anyways, many many many of you followed my story about my ex and gave me great advice that i subsiquently threw out the window and only followed some of the time. Well, hindsight is 20/20. Anyways, i've started datig again, and i emt a nice girl who's a friend of a friend. She seems to really like me, and i like her too. Here's the problem(s) 1. I rarely, but do occasionally, compare her to the ex. 2. While we just met and haven't seen each other as much, she doesn't win these comparrison contests in my head. 3. I still think that if my ex called me up and wanted me back, i would take off and leave this girl behind (with a complete explanation of course) and go back to the ex. What should I do? Should i just tell her to be friends until i stop thinking this way, or should i date her in order to get to know her better so that that is the cause of not thinking this way. Since I've never been dumped days before i've been ready to prupose to someone, I don't know what it takes and how long it takes to get over someone. And while I know that no 2 cases are alike, i'm looking for the tell tale signs that i've moved on. Yes, i still love my ex. I don't think that will ever change, but I want her to be happy, and since she can't be happy with me, i want to leave her alone. Yes, i still think about her, but not as much as i used to (still daily though) and not in such a "I'm lost without her" sort of way. It doesn't sound to me like i'm over her, but i do really like this new girl. Concequently, i don't want to hurt her like i was hurt, so what does one do? Play it out until the ex disapears from my mind almost completly, or don't persue this relationship until i stop thinking about the ex? Sorry, i know my posts are always long, but thanks for reading them, and thanks for any advice.
xalysabethh Posted February 5, 2004 Posted February 5, 2004 this is just my opionon but i think maybe you hsould try to remain casual if anything with this girl. because I was in a similar situatin and decided to go back to the ex and totoally hurt this wonderful man i was with. and you dont want to do that. if you cant keep it casual then dont date her at all. Xalysabeth
mandrews1119 Posted February 5, 2004 Posted February 5, 2004 Kanuk, Keep it casual and don't hurt anyone else, Kanuk!! Let me give you some straight advice, you aren't ready yet!! All you have to do is reread your own posts! It is good that you have begun to circulate, but you sound as if you aren't even ready to rebound yet!!! If you meet someone you absolutely OWE it to them to be honest and tell them how you are thinking and feeling. Would you like someone to come along and f---k with your head and heart, my friend? If the person really cares about you, they will be patient with you. And at the worst, all you will have done is to have been honest, and that wouldn't hurt anything, would it? Don't use someone to help you get over someone else, that is despicable.! And the signs you are displaying sound exactly like that. Don't give the new people you meet the reason to leave you. Be honest, starting with yourself. You know something? I think you already know that, don't you??
Author Kanuk Posted February 5, 2004 Author Posted February 5, 2004 I don't want anyone to misunderstand me. I am definatly not useing this girl to get over my ex. Not in any way (conciously at least). I have told her everythignthat has ever been told on this forum in all of it glorious, horrible detail. She knows all the details that i know of an all that i went thru and all that i did. She knows i'm not fully over her. I have been honest with her from the start. While we have talked a lot online since we met a couple weeks back, we have only been out twice so far. I wanted to check and get opinions before i went any further with this. I really like this girl, and as such, i don't want to hurt her. But she knows my past, and she's still evry interested in me. I would hate myslef if I 'used' this girl to get over my ex. You're 100% correct, it is dispicable. thing to do. What i want to be sure of is that I'm nto doing that exact thing unconciously. I like her a lot. So how do i know when it's right to be in another relationship, or even date. Doesn't it work that you meet someone who's even better than your ex and then you never think about the ex again cause your new partner gives you absolutly no reason to do so? How can you know if that's goign to happen unless you try? I'd hate to end up being a dispicable person, and i've already been totally open and honest with her, i just don't know if i should take the risk or not. But if you risk nothing, then you have nothing right?
dario Posted February 6, 2004 Posted February 6, 2004 Take it slow. Get to know her and you might discover someone completely new...someone different. I know about some of your previous posts. But, yeah, take it slow. This is a different person.
Visitor Posted February 6, 2004 Posted February 6, 2004 I agree. Take it slow. You're not ready to dive right into a relationship right now. You owe it to yourself to ensure that you give yourself enough time to heal from your previous relationship. If you don't allow youself to heal, you'll only end up hurting yourself 10x worse because this new relationship won't work because you're still hurting. Trust me, if you're still hurting and still in love with your ex, this new relationship won't work, because those feelings will find their way into this new relationship. If you've told this girl everything, and she's still interested, then that's her choice. She's choosing to get involved. So, that doesn't make you dispicable in any way. However, you have to take care of yourself and make sure you're ready to date again. I think you should definitely take it slow. From your previous posts, it appears that you value sex, so make sure you don't just jump into that situation either. Good luck to you. Just remember that you've done the right thing in telling this girl about your past, because now you can rest easy that she's made a choice to be with you despite of your past.
Recommended Posts