Author bluz73 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Red flag...deal breaker. Another red flag...deal breaker. Why did you love a druggie who lived at home with his mommy and daddy? Assume nothing. Don't give a crap what she thinks. She's 18 and you've forgotten more about life already than she knows. Live your life and forget about her. It didn't backfire. There was nothing to love in the first place. He was an illusion. Me either bluz. Why do you need validation from him? Closure is such an overused term. He sounds like a baby in a man's body. You said "I knew I deserved better all along..." and you do. Let go. He was a mistake and you got caught up being a surrogate mommy to him, not an equal partner. He was a mistake and you need to free yourself and forgive yourself for making a mistake. We're only humans after all. Let go. Move forward and don't look back. Ok? I LOVE how you took time to address each problem and give your opinion. It means alot that someone out there in this world has empathy for another huma being esp a stranger Why did I love a druggie that lived with his folks? Well didnt know he was a pill popper til months in and he made me believe it was temp til he got on his feet. By then I was mezmerized and hooked. I guess having depression at the time didnt help my blindness to it all. He got into treatment and that went on and on for years weening off....He was like a drug to me also, you are right and I will always use your look at the whole thing as He was an ILLUSION...i needed to hear that! Forgive myself, that is exactly what i need to do for wasting my time and eneergy and someone who in the end didnt give a **** for me.. Your post turned a switch on in my brain and I have read this reply over and over. This helped so much..thank you... Is there anyway we can chat privately?
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 As I said previously, there had to be signs that he was the type of person that would do this and I was right. He obviously was never mature enough for you.
Author bluz73 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 As I said previously, there had to be signs that he was the type of person that would do this and I was right. He obviously was never mature enough for you. You are right he is a very immature 31 yr old. Now for me to figure myself out into why I allowed myself to fall for him and noever was strong enough to walk away. Why is love like a drug?
Gero Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 You are right he is a very immature 31 yr old. Now for me to figure myself out into why I allowed myself to fall for him and noever was strong enough to walk away. Why is love like a drug? I'm sure you'll see where you went wrong staying with him for so long. There's no need to rush right into another relationship and I am sure that things will work out for you down the road.
YellowShark Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Is there anyway we can chat privately? I would love to chat privately... I think if you make me a "contact" in the My Profile / CP section. But I'm not 100% sure, never done it before.
stillafool Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Ya know let it happen to you just once and tell me you wouldnt be crushed and going on a rollercoaster from time to time. Dear it has happened to me. I was in a 3 year relationship with a guy who was 7 years younger than me and guess what? He too dropped me for an 18 year old. As I recall he practically bragged to me that he had gotten a girl, how did he say it, oh yes, "straight off her mommas hip". I know your pain very well and I know how it can eat away at you if you let it. I NEVER SAID I fear men leaving me for younger woman EVER! I was fed lies for many many years and now trust is a big issue wheter he is 25, 30, 0r 80. Well if you chose to believe that all men lie the way your ex did and you don't want to give another guy a chance that is up to you. MY EGO?? I happen to been born with genes that makes me grow old gracefully...I CAN get hot rich men and I am proud of it!... Good for you, then stop obsessing over this little girl. but to start a relationship with a new guy when I am still healing wouldnt be fair to him, so Im getting thru this on my terms...I know its been almost 10 months and sure he cares for the girl, He got to move out of his parents house finally at 31 and gets half his bills paid..He prob dont get hounded to stop using methadone and painpills anymore cause she dont care..He gets to party all night with teen boys and girls and it makes him feel young again..So Im sure he is happy..My intial question was finally answered by the post below but thanks anyway Well at least he has made some progress and has finally moved out of his parents home. It shouldn't matter if he has moved to the moon at this point. You admitted yourself that you allowed yourself to fall for him and didn't have the strength to walk away, why would you think this young girl has more strength than you? She is far more naive and immature than you are. I think if you are having trouble getting past this breakup and it appears you are, maybe you should seek professional counseling to help you through this. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. You just have to let go.
Ilovecake Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 (edited) he moved her in after 2 months and she is completely codependent on him for half the bills,they share a car and cell phone plan... Again I must ask how do you find out this extremely personal stuff? Over the year you two have been broken up you have posted some extremely personal information about this girl. Seriously you know about their utility bills? Do you not see anything wrong with that? Last time I'm going to suggest, please for your own sake leave them alone. Stop following everything they do? You're gong to seriously mess your life up for someone you have nothing positive to say about. Is he really worth a restraining order? Get into therapy ASAP. After a few sessions and some meds you're going to start feeling a lot better. I know as usual you're going to rip my head off for saying what I did but I'm not trying to be mean. I really seriously do feel bead for you and it would be so easy for you to start feeling better but you keep derailing any progress you could be making by stalking them. It's frustrating and fascinating to read your posts. Edited July 9, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author bluz73 Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Again I must ask how do you find out this extremely personal stuff? Over the year you two have been broken up you have posted some extremely personal information about this girl. Seriously you know about their utility bills? Do you not see anything wrong with that? Last time I'm going to suggest, please for your own sake leave them alone. Stop following everything they do? You're gong to seriously mess your life up for someone you have nothing positive to say about. Is he really worth a restraining order? Get into therapy ASAP. After a few sessions and some meds you're going to start feeling a lot better. I know as usual you're going to rip my head off for saying what I did but I'm not trying to be mean. I really seriously do feel bead for you and it would be so easy for you to start feeling better but you keep derailing any progress you could be making by stalking them. It's frustrating and fascinating to read your posts. Have you not also read that my children 18 and 16 have the same friends as this lil girl..Word gets around...My kids parents and I sit around and laugh at the situation my ex is in..So its not stalking...we live in the same town. Sure they shouldnt tell me this stuff. I dont know bout their utility bills, just that they have a shared phone plan and live together in a run down apartment complex. Sure if I could afford therapy I would go for it. These down days have been coming further and further apart, Soon they will be gone and you will be seeing me on here exclaiming my love for a new man. But for now this is my safe haven for some support. The whole thing would prob been easir if my ex chose a grown woman, but a child in my eyes, disturbs me beyond words. I was dating a near phedophile and had no clue and I am frankly ashamed and appalled that I did. sorry to constatly be trying to figure this out, but I need a bit more time please.
YellowShark Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Sure if I could afford therapy I would go for it. Ya don't need therapy. You need to forgive yourself for making a mistake. He was an illusion and you thought he was something that he was not. Now you can really see what he is. 'nuff said. Forgive yourself and smile! Happy days ahead!
Author bluz73 Posted July 10, 2010 Author Posted July 10, 2010 Ya don't need therapy. You need to forgive yourself for making a mistake. He was an illusion and you thought he was something that he was not. Now you can really see what he is. 'nuff said. Forgive yourself and smile! Happy days ahead! totally love you yellowshark..you are my therapy
YellowShark Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 totally love you yellowshark..you are my therapy Awwwww... gosh. Now I'm blushing! Check out my profile and see my email there under "interests"... happy to talk you off the ledge anytime!
stillafool Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Have you not also read that my children 18 and 16 have the same friends as this lil girl..Word gets around...My kids parents and I sit around and laugh at the situation my ex is in..So its not stalking...we live in the same town. Sure they shouldnt tell me this stuff. I dont know bout their utility bills, just that they have a shared phone plan and live together in a run down apartment complex. Sure if I could afford therapy I would go for it. These down days have been coming further and further apart, Soon they will be gone and you will be seeing me on here exclaiming my love for a new man. But for now this is my safe haven for some support. The whole thing would prob been easir if my ex chose a grown woman, but a child in my eyes, disturbs me beyond words. I was dating a near phedophile and had no clue and I am frankly ashamed and appalled that I did. sorry to constatly be trying to figure this out, but I need a bit more time please. But Bluz, didn't you send him a message of apology last month for going off on his gf and other things and then got upset because he didn't reply back to you? Wasn't that your closure?
xpaperxcutx Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 Yeah, and my ex-bf jumped into a marriage with an 19 year old girl merely after 6 months dating. Did I care? Well, I felt slighted but aside from the age thing ( she was a year younger than me) she actually looked average compared to me. You can't bother to understand the thinkings of an ex, they're the past and you should be living for the future. Not all men are the same. If you think you can't compare with a " teen", then imagine all the mothers and MILFs who has had children, but still look sexier than most of the 20 year olds in this day and age. The only thing you should worry about is living well and looking hot ( for yourself) and the best revenge is actually not caring.
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