vestigalvirgin Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 What is your problem? Apparently there is no problem as God herself evidently approves of single parent families in which the mom takes pride in the fact that her children want nothing to do with their father.
bentnotbroken Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Apparently there is no problem as God herself evidently approves of single parent families in which the mom takes pride in the fact that her children want nothing to do with their father. Who said anything about pride. I said I am good with it. And yes, God does say to remove all influences that are not of him from your mist. He also gave directions where divorce is unavoidable. Again, thank you. Though I don't need your opinion, it is nice to know I did the right thing and your response re-affirms that. I think I will save it for those low days.
Tayla Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 JaneinVegas- Thank you for validating the reality of raising a daughter and the issues that confront the parents. My hats off to you for being active and concerned in her life choices. Never underestimate your good mothering skills, the sense that something isn't right. Yes you can guide your daughter to change course. We each have the power to influence. To vesti- Truly ....are you real about your statements? They are truly permeating with ignorance ...
vestigalvirgin Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 To vesti- Truly ....are you real about your statements? They are truly permeating with ignorance ... I'm sorry I don't understand the phrase, "permeating with ignorance."
vestigalvirgin Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Dripping with crapola. Do you kiss your children with that mouth?
vestigalvirgin Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 What is your problem? Thank you for cleaning up your vocabulary. I don't have a problem. I'm raising my children in an intact, loving, two parent family. But thanks for your concern.
sarah1268 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Im 19 now and I went through a bit of a drug stage since I was 16 . And it was my bf at the time who got me involved. However, i was a straight A student and was very social my mum didnt find out till I OD on my birthday. She was horrified, and I felt terrible , she knew something was up but she also knew she had no power over what I did and I would find a way to do drugs anyway. I respect her for not banning me from my Bf or kicking me out. If she had of I would have rebelled anyway. I dont do drugs as often anymore, the novetly has worn off. My advise is let her live and learn from her mistakes. My mum did and I turned out fine. I'm studying an economic degree, have a job in finance and have very stable relationships. All teens do drugs, dont worry, if your daughter is destined for greatness drugs will not stop her.
turnera Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Thank you for cleaning up your vocabulary. I don't have a problem. I'm raising my children in an intact, loving, two parent family. But thanks for your concern. If you think crapola is bad language, you are indeed living in a bubble. How old are your kids, again?
BebeMagee Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 turnera - I'll put money on it that Vestal's children aren't in school yet. Never are they as confident as when they are completely in control of their childrens' behavior, ie they must still be in diapers and time outs still work fairly consistently. Vestigalvirgin - Fabulous! It's wonderful to hear about intact, loving, two parent families! What a novelty! Feel free to share the beneficence of your superior experiences in parenting in another thread. Janeinvegas - What's happening with your daughter now?
bentnotbroken Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Im 19 now and I went through a bit of a drug stage since I was 16 . And it was my bf at the time who got me involved. However, i was a straight A student and was very social my mum didnt find out till I OD on my birthday. She was horrified, and I felt terrible , she knew something was up but she also knew she had no power over what I did and I would find a way to do drugs anyway. I respect her for not banning me from my Bf or kicking me out. If she had of I would have rebelled anyway. I dont do drugs as often anymore, the novetly has worn off. My advise is let her live and learn from her mistakes. My mum did and I turned out fine. I'm studying an economic degree, have a job in finance and have very stable relationships. All teens do drugs, dont worry, if your daughter is destined for greatness drugs will not stop her. I respect your point of view. How about leaving the drugs alone completely, just so you don't get something you didn't expect. No need to get seriously injured for a little recreation. This is not criticism, just concern. I want to just throw out there,not all teens do drugs. For some the rebellion period may be something entirely different. Speeding, overeating or just not participating in life. Please be safe out there.
bentnotbroken Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 If you think crapola is bad language, you are indeed living in a bubble. How old are your kids, again? I guess dodo is = to the f* word.
turnera Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 All teens do drugs, dont worry, if your daughter is destined for greatness drugs will not stop her.Tell that to my best friend's sister, who has lost TWO sets of kids due to her drug use and her lifelong prison sentences for repeated drug offenses. Her LAST child, after the other two sets of kids she had to give up to their fathers, was adopted by my best friend, who has had to contend with this boy's serious mental issues due to his mother being addicted for LIFE.
sarah1268 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Tell that to my best friend's sister, who has lost TWO sets of kids due to her drug use and her lifelong prison sentences for repeated drug offenses. Her LAST child, after the other two sets of kids she had to give up to their fathers, was adopted by my best friend, who has had to contend with this boy's serious mental issues due to his mother being addicted for LIFE. Im very sorry about her situation. But there are a lot of factors that lead to drugs going too far, ie bad upbringing, depression and lack of self contol, they are all personality traits that, mixed with drugs can destroy lives. But if a kid is happy with themselves, know that they are appreciated and have self respect ( all of which parents can influence in their kids upbringing) drugs are no match for them. Tust me I have very wealthy friends who have lovely families and do drugs every weekend and all have excellent jobs and would never let it take over their lives. Some it all depends on the person, all im saying is dont make you kids hate you by taking drastic measures if you find them doing drugs. Let them know that they are worth more then any addiction and see how it goes.
Tayla Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Sarah, I agree whole heartedly with your final paragraph, Being there for the kids, supporting them . Where I think you need to gain insight is Money or even a solid family doesnt stop an addiction. ITs a medical concern that crosses all social barriers. Your logic would say : Since I am rich I cannot possibly be addicted or even be headed down that alley. OR because I come from a rock solid family I cant possibly. well tell that to Jim Bulushi, or other famous (and wealthy, talented folks) who were caught up and no amount of money or family love could prevent it. Back to the issue though, JaneinVegas asked for good advice and I do think in part you aided or shed some life experience to her level insight.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 (edited) Have you heard of the term "helicopter parent?" Because that's what a lot of people in this thread sound like. No wonder so many people my age and below can't seem to tell their asses from holes in the ground. Massive intrusions of privacy? GPS cell phones? Full-on spying? ANY teenager will rebel more vehemently if you do anything like that. It all stems from overparenting to some degree or another. http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html Read that article, and if you find any of those tendencies in your own parenting, you ought to change it. Edited July 15, 2010 by TheBigQuestion
bentnotbroken Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Have you heard of the term "helicopter parent?" Because that's what a lot of people in this thread sound like. No wonder so many people my age and below can't seem to tell their asses from holes in the ground. Massive intrusions of privacy? GPS cell phones? Full-on spying? ANY teenager will rebel more vehemently if you do anything like that. It all stems from overparenting to some degree or another. http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html Read that article, and if you find any of those tendencies in your own parenting, you ought to change it. Wouldn't change my style for a million. I have got great kids:)Thank God. I couldn't be more proud of the people they are. What kid doesn't make mistakes? We all did at some point. But God, my GPS and I remain a guiding force. Be blessed.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Wouldn't change my style for a million. I have got great kids:)Thank God. I couldn't be more proud of the people they are. What kid doesn't make mistakes? We all did at some point. But God, my GPS and I remain a guiding force. Be blessed. So you see nothing wrong with being a nosy, overbearing, hovering curmudgeon of a parent (not saying you are one, just read the article and see how a lot of this is connected to the attitudes people have in this thread). Unless I misunderstood and you were expressing agreement?
bentnotbroken Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 So you see nothing wrong with being a nosy, overbearing, hovering curmudgeon of a parent (not saying you are one, just read the article and see how a lot of this is connected to the attitudes people have in this thread). Unless I misunderstood and you were expressing agreement? I didn't read your article because it won't change my parenting style. My children are older(one an adult and one almost there). I am very thankful for the relationship we have. The conversations and hanging out. We enjoy some of the same activities and our home has always been the hangout. It is a comfortable place to be but everyone who comes here knows there are standards and rules. I am here to help, offer encouragement or a swift kick in the pants:laugh: I love being called Mama BNB and I think that speaks to how I raised my own children. My style has worked for us. I have asked others to help me over the years, as I am a firm believer in it taking a village. So no, I don't see anything wrong with my style.
turnera Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 So you see nothing wrong with being a nosy, overbearing, hovering curmudgeon of a parent (not saying you are one, just read the article and see how a lot of this is connected to the attitudes people have in this thread). Unless I misunderstood and you were expressing agreement? Nope. NOTHING wrong with being the ADULT in the situation and showing your CHILD that he/she will suffer consequences when he/she makes destructive decisions. That is a parent's job. When the CHILD is old enough to legally live on his own, he is free to do so and make his own decisions. And hopefully, the overbearing nosy parent will have taught him before then that you have to compromise to get along in the world, instead of just doing whatever the hell you want cos you want it when you want it.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I didn't read your article because it won't change my parenting style. My children are older(one an adult and one almost there). I am very thankful for the relationship we have. The conversations and hanging out. We enjoy some of the same activities and our home has always been the hangout. It is a comfortable place to be but everyone who comes here knows there are standards and rules. I am here to help, offer encouragement or a swift kick in the pants:laugh: I love being called Mama BNB and I think that speaks to how I raised my own children. My style has worked for us. I have asked others to help me over the years, as I am a firm believer in it taking a village. So no, I don't see anything wrong with my style. Of course it won't change your parenting style NOW, but I do think it's an important article that criticizes the completely unfounded paranoias that most parents subscribe to, as well as discussing the endless amounts of evidence available that shows that overparenting harms children by and large. If anything, read it for the sake of education and discussion, since you've flat out refused to actually engage anything I've said.
bentnotbroken Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Of course it won't change your parenting style NOW, but I do think it's an important article that criticizes the completely unfounded paranoias that most parents subscribe to, as well as discussing the endless amounts of evidence available that shows that overparenting harms children by and large. If anything, read it for the sake of education and discussion, since you've flat out refused to actually engage anything I've said. I'm sorry :(I thought I was showing you respect and courtesy. Have a good night.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 Nope. NOTHING wrong with being the ADULT in the situation and showing your CHILD that he/she will suffer consequences when he/she makes destructive decisions. That is a parent's job. When the CHILD is old enough to legally live on his own, he is free to do so and make his own decisions. And hopefully, the overbearing nosy parent will have taught him before then that you have to compromise to get along in the world, instead of just doing whatever the hell you want cos you want it when you want it. Parents can avoid a lot of these problems by not keeping their kids under Secret Service-style surveillance in the first place. That's why I wrote what I wrote, and that's why this article is important for any parent to read, especially any Generation X parent, as this is the demographic that the overparenting disease most commonly attacks.
TheBigQuestion Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 I'm sorry :(I thought I was showing you respect and courtesy. Have a good night. Showing me respect and courtesy would include actually engaging my ideas and the literature that I presented rather than harping on about how great your own family is. I don't doubt that your kids are fine people, but that negates nothing that I've said, and it likewise does not negate the dangers of the cult of child worship that parents are only now slowly escaping.
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