matildack Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 My now (ex) boyfriend decided to leave me for his ex. They broke up over 2 years ago and were in a very serious relationship from what I heard (they were engaged). Needless to say, lies in the relationship split them apart.. and now he wants her back. While watching the fireworks on the 4th of July, he calmly tells me that he still is talking to one of his exes. He then says that they are going through a similiar situation, thus, "why they are talking". I asked if I have anything to be concerned about, and says, "I think I'm over her." You think your over her? You don't know your over her? I wanted to say that, but I didn't. I kept my mouth shut, until the next day. When I confronted him about it, he said not to worry about it. After that, we stopped talking to each other, until the next day. I send him a forgiving text message (against my gut instinct) saying that I really want to make this work. And what do I get back? This: "It's just that I have been thinking about it a lot.. I feel awful but I can't be with you. At least not right now. Our talk and your concern are actually kind of good. Because I realize that I'm not yet over _____, and I can't be with you if I am harboring feelings, even minute feelings for anybody else, because thats dishonest and cruel to you.. I just feel like I wouldn't be able to give 100% of myself to you right now.. maybe someday..I just need to figure all this s*** out and, although I really don't want to break up with you like I am, I need to because I need to honest to both you and myself.. ____ I am so sorry but I cannot be even a little dishonest with you.. I can't call myself a man if I don't take this next step and try to figure out what the hell is going on in my heart." Luckily, I managed to gain some composure before telling him I appreciate the fact that he finally told the truth (even though he denied it numerous times) and to take care. He then gets upset because I'm "mad at him". That was the last I spoke to him. I know that I should not have such strong feelings for this man after what he has done to me, but I cannot help it. I have cut all contact with him--for now-- but my heart is still with him. According to a mutual friend, he is still single, trying to working things out (apparently though, she's unsure of whether to go back to him or not). What should I do? I feel so strongly about this man, he has changed my perspective on life. It feels like it is easier to secretly hold on than to let go. We didn't have any issues before this. I know that I should move on, but a part of me is saying to keep holding out (until he enters the relationship with her, then it's game over).
d_d85 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 First off, how long where you guys together for? I know it's awful to not be able to be with someone who you care so much about. I was in a similar situation, my ex didn't leave me for his ex but left me for another person he met. i felt awful, I didn't want to let him go, until I finally got him back 6 months later. let me tell you it was the worst 6 months of my life. And now we aren't even together anymore, all that fighting for what? nothing at all. I know it's easier said than done but I suggest you move on and try to forget about him for now. Do things you enjoy, love yourself, and hey maybe another man will come around. The same guy Im talking to you about and broke up again for good only 4 months ago and already im starting to deeply fall for someone else. Best of luck. Just remember that the game of love is a funny thing, weird things happen all the time, and it's not over until it's over. But I do think you should not try to reach out to him, just let it go, if he comes back then you can think if you actually want to be with a guy like that. You deserve better.
Author matildack Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 We have not been together for too long (less than a month) surprisingly. It's amazing what can happen in a few short weeks. It just felt like so much longer, we had such a deep emotional and physical bond.. and then this. It was just too good to be true. I am thankful though that I found out now, rather than later. I just can't help but wonder what makes her so great-- I am very depressed, although I have not, and will not show it to him. It's just unbelievable the impact this has had on me- I have been dumped before, and never, ever did I feel this down about any man. By the way, thank you for the kind words.
JLB Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I just can't help but wonder what makes her so great--. She probably isn't so great. I am wondering who broke up in their relationship? Was it mutual or did she break up with him? If she did the breaking up, that could be what is pulling him back to her. It could just be an ego thing with him. Maybe he can't seem to figure out why she broke up with him and it's driving him crazy....doesn't make her better than you. On the other hand, I have to give him credit for at least breaking up with you and laying all the cards on the table for you instead of sneaking off to be with her and then lying to you about it, and trying to have his cake and eat it too (that is what I am dealing with, and it sucks a lot more than them just breaking it off).... Best thing you can do is move on with your life (easier said than done I know) but work on yourself...so that if you do run into him..you look really good...(not that you don't already) but so that he can see you aren't sitting at home pining away till he returns. Trust me girl, I am 45 years old and dealing with this type of stuff lately and they don't change. They are all pretty much the same, and once you do a 180 and go the other direction, they start thinking about YOU!! Don't call him, don't text him, don't email him...give it 30 days and each day it gets easier and easier. Then let that relationship fizzle back out,,,,and I bet he calls you...and then you can let him know whether you want to see him or not. Granted...I once was dating a guy like yours, less than a month...who told me a similar thing. "He wasn't ready", "He just got divorced" "You're a really nice and beautiful girl, but...." and so I just said "fine" and was done with him. He never called and I later found out that he did get back together with his ex wife. I recently saw his picture on facebook and I was pretty shocked...he had put on 50 lbs of flab, balding and didn't look real happy but was still with her...so whatever. Glad he did go back...he wasn't the one for me. Good luck, keep us posted if you do start to hear from him.
Author matildack Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 From my understanding, it was a "forbidden love". They both were in the ministry which apparently doesn't allow one to date another. The leader supposedly (I'm not buying this, as you can tell, lol) told lies to both of them in order to split them up. It worked, and she threw the engagement ring he gave her into the fire and left his life. They are no longer in the ministry. And now all of the sudden when I come into the picture, she starts talking to him again? I think there is more to the story than that, but that's what *he* told me. I do know that they obviously met up when we were together, as he told her that he was with someone and she was "happy" for him. What went on, I'm not sure, and at this point, I don't really want to know. I have been successfully following the NC rule, no word from him yet, but he is STILL single. I think this girl is just playing around with him to be honest, but whatever, I'm not getting involved until (and if) he contacts me.
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