ALombard Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 So no one get mad at me but I am now talking to my ex. Here's the situation. Two days ago she randomly emails me about our dog. I having not talked to her in 3 weeks decide to respond. A few minutes later she asks for my number so I give it to her and BAM! Now we have been texting for the last 2 days. It's funny, talking to her now I have no desire to try to win her back. It actually feels good talking to her because I feel like I gained a very close friend. She actually talked to me regarding my current girlfriend and gave me some advice on how to quell a fight my current girl and I had last night. It's pretty amazing actually. Do I still miss her? Of course Do I wish sometimes things were different? Yeah, everyone does. Do I still have a little jealousy that she is with a new guy? A tiny bit. However I am actually happy her and I get along so well now. Lets see how long it lasts.
Ilovecake Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Maybe you simply reached a point where it's OK for you to talk to her without any expectations. If so then congratulations.
Author ALombard Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 Hey Ilovecake, See what you said is where I am a little confused (personally) and here's why. My current girlfriend knows my ex and I have been talking. She doesn't mind because I told her that I don't see my ex and I ever getting back together. I mean simply put I just don't feel like it would ever work again. That makes it easy on me BUT when it comes to talking to my ex I've been finding myself waiting for her texts. Example, I woke up this morning and checked my phone just to see if she had called me or sent me a text. This normally wouldn't be a big deal but it's the fact that I also get so happy when I talk to her. My dilemma is that I am starting to think that maybe there's something in me that still wants her back. I don't want her back however, I am slowly falling in love with my current girlfriend (we have only been together for a little over a month) because she is everything I could ever ask for in a girl. Not only that but my ex also has a boyfriend whom she seems to be very into. I don't know what to do, my ex freaked out this morning because she thought I re-blocked her on facebook so I know that if I told her to stop talking to me again that I could possibly lose a great friendship, I mean she knows more about me than anyone and I can easily tell her anything. However I am just scared that I might start developing a crush for her. I am not a bad guy at all and I don't want to hurt my current girlfriend but I am not going to break up with her over something as small as this. Help.
DenverBachelor Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 My dilemma is that I am starting to think that maybe there's something in me that still wants her back. I don't want her back however, I am slowly falling in love with my current girlfriend (we have only been together for a little over a month) because she is everything I could ever ask for in a girl. Not only that but my ex also has a boyfriend whom she seems to be very into. So one day you unwrap the new gift under the tree and find out your parents got you a Nintendo. You lend the Atari downstairs to a friend who then proceeds to play it every day. You love your Nintendo because the graphics are better and the sound kicks ass. One day, you're sitting around the house because you're bored playing the three games you have for your Nintendo, so you start reminiscing about your Atari. You don't *really* want your Atari back, but you would love to play a few games on it because even though it is was older than the Nintendo, you grew very fond of it. One day, your friend brings the Atari over and drops it off and you start playing it all night. The Nintendo then gets jealous and short-circuits causing you to only be able to play the Atari. Then your friend comes back over to pick up the Atari and now you have nothing to play with -- so you're stuck going to mall to buy a super-expensive and high maintenance Xbox 360 with only one game. Do you see how this could be a problem? You need to let the Atari go forever.
Ilovecake Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) Hey Ilovecake, See what you said is where I am a little confused (personally) and here's why. My current girlfriend knows my ex and I have been talking. She doesn't mind because I told her that I don't see my ex and I ever getting back together. I mean simply put I just don't feel like it would ever work again. That makes it easy on me BUT when it comes to talking to my ex I've been finding myself waiting for her texts. Example, I woke up this morning and checked my phone just to see if she had called me or sent me a text. This normally wouldn't be a big deal but it's the fact that I also get so happy when I talk to her. My dilemma is that I am starting to think that maybe there's something in me that still wants her back. I don't want her back however, I am slowly falling in love with my current girlfriend (we have only been together for a little over a month) because she is everything I could ever ask for in a girl. Not only that but my ex also has a boyfriend whom she seems to be very into. I don't know what to do, my ex freaked out this morning because she thought I re-blocked her on facebook so I know that if I told her to stop talking to me again that I could possibly lose a great friendship, I mean she knows more about me than anyone and I can easily tell her anything. However I am just scared that I might start developing a crush for her. I am not a bad guy at all and I don't want to hurt my current girlfriend but I am not going to break up with her over something as small as this. Help. OK well that's totally the opposite of what you said before. Just because rationally you know your relationship could never work you're still hoping it will, I think in one way or another most people here are in that boat. Talking to your ex is a dangerous, slippery slope. If you're anticipating contact from her then you are looking for more than friendship. I've never anxiously waited for a friend to text message me and checked first thing in the morning to see if they have. I think the crush has already started developing. If you want to continue your relationship with your current girlfriend you have to stop talking to your ex otherwise you are betraying the current girl and she will find out how you feel and be absolutely crushed. This happened to me. I was dating someone for about three months. He broke up with his ex about 2 months before we started dating. At first it was just little things like some mail showing up for her and it would put him in a funk, but they were not in contact she even moved out of state. A few weeks later a cell phone shows up in the mail for her so he feels he needs to call her and let her know, of course I understood. Next thing you know she has a crate of records of his he needs to get from her, he's just going to swing by her house and be back before I'm out of work. I didn't hear from him for two days. His cell kept going straight to voice mail. Gave me some big BS story that she lives in the boonies, no reception, car broke down. Nothing happened, he slept on the mother's couch...well OK maybe they kissed just once but that's it, he didn't want to go any further because of me, total BS. Not a cool situation to be in as the new girlfriend. If your ex and you are really such good friends she'll be there in 6 months or a year when you might be a little bit more ready to be "just friends". Right now it doesn't sound like you are. Edited July 8, 2010 by Ilovecake
spriggig Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 You lend the Atari to a friend who then proceeds to play it every day. I never lend my Atari 2600, I keep it in the closet. Right next to my girlfriend. And the battery charger.
Author ALombard Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 Yeah I'm an idiot. Here's what happened in the course of, oh I don't know, 2 hours after I posted. I go get lunch with my girlfriend, we talk about me talking to my ex. She says she's fine with it, has no worries, knows I wouldn't mess up the good thing we have going for my ex, etc. After lunch I go home and text my ex to see how she was feeling (earlier in the day she told me she had a horrible hangover) she says "fine" and a conversation starts up. About half way through the conversation we are talking and she tells me that her new guy feels uncomfortable with me, she didn't tell him we were talking but I guess the old pictures she had of her and I made him a little tripped out so she deleted all of them. I actually felt a little sad that she did that. She then tells me she thinks that since her new guy would flip out if he knew we were talking to eachother so she thinks it'd be best if we didn't talk anymore. Also I told her about something personal that had been bugging me all day and she was very cold and closed off, her reasoning is she can't be a caring because of the way I treated her in the relationship? Seriously?! I don't get it, earlier today her and I actually both agreed that it was awesome that we were able to talk to eachother on a mutually platonic level and then BAM! Out of nowhere she throws this at me. I mean I understand we aren't together anymore but she use to tell me all the time how if we ever broke up she would want to remain my friend because of our history and so on. Now she's telling me I may never talk to her again or at least not until her and her new guy break up. WTF?!
TaraMaiden Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Oh please... Stop with the "WTF?"....!! You know exactly WTF! It's a bad idea, if two people have broken up, and moved on and met new partners, to maintain contact with an ex to the level you have. It's going to cause friction between the ex and his/her new partner, on one side or the other or both. And now, you see, it has. Furthermore, you yourself are confused and concerned about your feelings escalating and becoming misguided and torn, regarding your ex, and your current GF. You cannot honestly be surprised by this, surely? Your ex is quite right. You need to sever all contact and not speak with her or text her any more. you are too connected with her still to be doing this. You should be focussing entirely on your girlfriend now, and completely put your ex- out of your mind. Your escalating feelings for her are a sure red-flag warning signal that there is still too much of an open wound for you to be staying as you are. WTF indeed!
Author ALombard Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 I can't argue with logic. It's true especially seeing as over the course of me being at work I almost feel hurt again. I feel alone and lost again and I have a f*cking girlfriend! I think it's just the actually realization that the girl I loved and cared for, for over 4 years is actually choosing another man over me. It's funny because it shouldn't matter at all to me and it does. I mean she knows I have a girlfriend and she doesn't care it doesn't affect her at all so why am I so torn up over this.
whatadeer26 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 You allowed yourself to be sucked back in. You first post you were fine being friends and then your second you were not. It seems to me you are putting yourself into square one. It is unfair to your current GF. You need to speak to your current girlfriend and be close to her as much as possible. She can pull you out of your funk. Realize that she is a good thing for you. Your current girlfriend may just be a rebound or she could be the 1 for you, but what you are doing is not fair to her and not good for you. You are not ready to just be friends with your ex and may not be for a while longer. I can't seem to get over the thought of my ex with someone else and she doesn't even have a new boy or guy she sees. It is human and natural.
Ilovecake Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) I go get lunch with my girlfriend, we talk about me talking to my ex. She says she's fine with it, has no worries, knows I wouldn't mess up the good thing we have going for my ex Your current girlfriend is OK with it because you are lying to her face about your feelings for your ex. Call your girlfriend and tell her how you are obsessing over the ex, how you go to bed and wake up thinking about her. See if she's still OK with it. I'm starting to think you're looking for someone here to tell you that what you are doing is OK but it absolutely isn't. You are in the midst of ruining three relationships. Time to man up and act like a responsible adult. Edited July 8, 2010 by Ilovecake
northstar1 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Lombard my man. You already I think know this is a bad idea, and can already see your justifications crumbling. It's far too soon for you to have any sort of amicable platonic relationship with your ex. Maybe in a year, but not now. Don't even try to fool yourself into thinking you can. Your torn up because you still have feelings for your ex and your ego is still fixing itself. Pretty damn easy to see.
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