DNR Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Hi All, Haven't posted in a while. I have a problem, or maybe it's my issue. My bf of 5mths stayed over at his ex wifes house last night. Earlier in the day I asked him if he was going to stay with me and he said no that he wanted to see his kids and that he had some financial things that needed to be delt with the ex. He had a meeting that ended around 930pm and he called to tell me that he was on his way to her house. i said ok, good luck, and goodnight. I didn't hear from him the rest of the night, assuming he would be going home, but my gut telling me other wise. This morning I went to see and asked him how things went and he said ok. I then asked him if he stayed over there and he said yes. I asked him why and he said because he was too tired to drive home. It's a long, long and very boring 6-7 miles home from her house. Whatever. I asked him if he slept with her and he looked at me and said no. I told him that I know the games women can play to get to them. You see, we have this agreement: If you don't want to know the truth, don't ask. So he admitted to staying over there las night without hesitation. It's happened before, around christmas but he was separated technically still married to her and we really weren't "official". I justified it by thinking that "well she is still his wife". We did talk about it and I told him that I didn't like him staying over there, that is sends a bad message to the kids. Not to mention that they could have sex again. He agreed and that was the end of the conversation. Since we've been official, a couple of times he's finally brought his kids over to my place. So they've seen us together talking but that's it. They (his kids) do not know about us. I am planning on talking to him about it AGAIN, but i don't know how to go about it. I guess I just don't know how to handle it. My gut is screaming something happened. The other weird thing is that we had sex this afternoon. His idea of course. Am i just being paranoid or should I trust that policy and believe him? Help, DNR
norajane Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Does his ex-wife know about you? Be honest with him. Tell him that your gut is screaming something happened, especially since he suggested having sex this afternoon (which, I assume, is unusual?). And remind him of your policy. Then ask again if he slept with her.
Author DNR Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 I'm almost positive that she does. It's a small town and everyone know we are dating. No, I guess thinking back it really isn't unusual for us to have sex in the afternoon or for lunch. Maybe i'm just being paranoid. I do plan on talking to him. But i guess there's nothing i can do if wants to sleep over there sometimes. DNR
norajane Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Don't dismiss your gut instincts as paranoia. Just don't. There's a reason those alarm bells are ringing. And of course there is something you can do. You can express to him (again) that it is distressing to you when he sleeps over there, and ask him not to. There's no valid reason for it if he only lives 6 miles away. If he cares about you, he will want to respect your concerns and fears and do his best not to fuel them.
TheLove Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 You need to go with your gut instinct... If you are now both official I see no reason why you should not discuss the issue together with him a few more times. You want to know that is why you are asking..... Wish you luck and hope you get the truth out of him... P.S-> The only question is, what are you going to do about it if your worst fears are confirmed. think about that..... Good Luck!
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