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Fiance Visiting Former Lover on Trip


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Posted

The fact that you are on here writing about it...means you need to sit down with her and talk about it. POINT BLANK!!!

Posted

You would be out of your mind to marry her after this. I agree that you should print off the email and take her to the airport. Show her the email and tell her you have no desire to marry a woman that would lie to your face like this and tell her the engagement is off and you are through with her. This is unbelievable. If she does this while she is engaged to you then God only knows what she is capable of doing after you are married. You have avoided a giant disaster in your life.

Posted

If I were you I would call off the wedding and dump her over this.

Posted
So, to update: I confronted her about planning to see him without telling her I saw the e-mail. She said on her honor no that she had no plan and had not been in contact... I told her as she had been secretive about him a couple of times previously... 2 yrs ago she had me look at her email for something and I spotted a couple of emails from this guy... she jumped up, don't look at that... anyway I said how could I be sure when this has been this way in the past. Still she says I wrong about her seeing him.

 

Here's my thoughts on a plan: I am driving her to the airport on the 15th very early. Right before I leave her I am going to say I know she was untruthful because i stumbled across his reply email when she left it up one to to go the bathroom. She had the opportunity to come clean earlier... I had said I'd rather be hurt by the truth than by deceit.... and since she did not do so, that the relationship is in her hands now: if she choses to see him and I find out... 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years later, I am gone... or she can tell me she will not see him, but of course I might not ever really know if she gets more secretive. I think I'll be able to tell, may be not, but I think at some point it will come out.

 

Thoughts and advice? Other direction?

 

Thanks.

 

My advice at this point is not to stress yourself over this. The ball is in her hands. She is either going to see him or not. If you have to brow beat her into not seeing him, she is not the right woman for you. She is an adult. Let her decide whether to be faithful to you or not. After she returns, you will know whether she has been in contact with him - the guilt will be written all over her face. If she has, show her the door. She knows right from wrong.

 

In simple terms, you might be able to prevent her from getting together with him on this trip using threats, but it's just stalling the inevitable. If she is prone to cheating, it will happen at some point in time. Just let this trip play out and monitor.

Posted

Actually what you can do is to confront her tomorrow, about the breaking up of her 1st mge., due to this guy---the hiding of e-mails, 2 yrs ago, the deceit now, in the hiding of present e-mails, and the lying.

 

Let her know you have considerable doubts about your future together, and you need some boundaries in place, for you to be able to move forward toward the wedding

 

Boundaries should be NC e-mail sent immediately with you seeing it go----Transparency as to e-mails, and cellphone---and last but the boundary that will help you the most---let her know you cannot trust her, and you have lost faith in her being able to keep from cheating, so as a way to be sure she has not been with the other guy---immediately upon her return you want her to take a polygraph test about her activities in NC

 

Stand firm on this----tell her this tomorrow---then moniter for any e-mails that go back and forth

 

Also I would cut the intimacy with her, and grow somewhat aloof, and maybe not even drive her to the airport----let her see you are deeply hurt and bothered by her deceit

 

The polygraph should be enuff in itself to keep her away from him----beyond that it is up to you, and what you want, you know she cheats, and you know she lies, she is deceitful, how much are you willing to stand for

Posted

For her to out and out lie to you about him tells me they are more serious than you will ever know. He has probably already been to your town and had sex with your fiance and I can guarantee you whether you expose her lie or not, she will still see him when she goes on her trip. If you do expose her she is going to want comfort from him and if you don't expose her she is going to see him anyway. What's more important is you know full well your fiance is a liar. She lied to you without even batting an eye. How many more lies has she told you? How many times did she lie to her exH about her affairs? You have to ask yourself is this the type of person you want to spend your life with?

Posted
You would be out of your mind to marry her after this. I agree that you should print off the email and take her to the airport. Show her the email and tell her you have no desire to marry a woman that would lie to your face like this and tell her the engagement is off and you are through with her. This is unbelievable. If she does this while she is engaged to you then God only knows what she is capable of doing after you are married. You have avoided a giant disaster in your life.

 

This is PRECISELY what I was about to reply when I read this thread.

 

Bryan is on the money.

 

I'd do EXACTLY this. Pull up, hand her the email in a sealed envelope as you unload her baggage. Get in the car and drive off...and let her know where to pick up her stuff when she gets back.

Posted
Bryan is on the money.

 

I'd do EXACTLY this. Pull up, hand her the email in a sealed envelope as you unload her baggage. Get in the car and drive off...and let her know where to pick up her stuff when she gets back.

 

Good plan. If she still gets on the plane after this, you'll have your answer. The right response of a fiance would be to call her sister and parents and put off the trip. A wife would go, a fiance would not.

Posted
She lied to you. She betrayed you. She is planning on seeing him behind your back and when asked outright ...she lied some more.

 

Take her to the airport. Tell her you know she is a liar. Tell her you didnt expect her to have the ability to do so right to your face.

 

And tell her goodbye. Walk away.

 

I vote for this course of action.

Posted

When she packs for the trip get some more cases out and tell her to keep on packing.

Posted
This is PRECISELY what I was about to reply when I read this thread.

 

Bryan is on the money.

 

I'd do EXACTLY this. Pull up, hand her the email in a sealed envelope as you unload her baggage. Get in the car and drive off...and let her know where to pick up her stuff when she gets back.

 

The Owl proves his wiseness once again.

No better advice than this.

Posted

Hey MassP---its getting close to the 15th---how about an update----what have you decided to do????????

Posted

Hey MassP----It's the 15th---what did you end up doing??---How about an update.

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