GreenerGrass Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) Hello all, This post will be a little long in length. Roughly 6.5ish years ago I met and fell in love with my now ex. We broke up earlier this year. I inititated the breakup, aka the dumper. She was no longer there emotionally, and I had discovered she had cheated during the relationship. Btw, all you LSers have helped me a great deal. To make matters worse she never told the truth from day one, and I was just too blind to see it. She never gave a damn about my thoughts, or how bad she was hurting me, but yet I still put up with it. I loved her with everything I had. I wanted my life to be lived with her. We had a beautiful, healthy child together, and for that I'm very thankful. After years of feeling used, and worthless, I decided to it was time to leave. I no longer wanted to be a doormat. I figured it was time to move on, and find someone else, that would appreciate me, and the things I would do to make her happy. Furthermore, a more stable environment than constant fighting, even though it was kept out of sight of our child. Well, after the breakup she kept trying to reconcile, but I refused. Meanwhile she was banging some dude on the side, and tried to play it off they were just friends. I knew better. It drove me away. After all, I had just become an option, furthermore a doormat. I needed to break that vicious cycle. I was crushed. This girl claimed she would never hurt me, and that she wanted to fix, and change for herself. Being we have a child together, I couldn't go full blown no contact. But I did second best, and ignored everything except contact over my child. Well this has been getting to her. I have zero interest in reconciling. I'm numb. I'm no longer upset, mad or anything, when her new flame is mentioned. I just reply, that's nice, and good luck. She is with some married guy, that pretty much uses her. Make no mistakes in my writing, I know I wasn't perfect. I'm on my way to changing what I could have done better, and what I shouldn't do. More so, to never let anyone be more of a priority in my life, than myself. I'm speaking in a relationship sense. My child will ALWAYS be first. I'd give up my life for my child without hesitation. Lastly, I will put my 100% effort into a relationship, without a thought, but If there is no effort on my future partners part, I will be gone. I will no longer, allow myself to be a doormat, used, and spit out like a piece of garbage. Btw, I'm 25 years old and male just in case anyone is wondering. Thanks all! Edited July 7, 2010 by GreenerGrass
Shakz Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Welcome GG. I'm sorry you had to suffer the pain of a relationship with someone who clearly wasn't ready. It sounds as if you have a good attitude toward your situation. It's always great to hear when a person can disassociate their negative feelings about their ex from their love for their child. Have you had any help other than this forum dealing with this? My advice would be to continue to be kind but stick to your principles and maybe your ex will learn from your example. I know your child will.
Author GreenerGrass Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Honestly, I'm 25 (yes, young, but i'm not 15.) I can either chose to be negative, fight, generally be an a**, OR be the better person and example for my child. I chose the latter. I have a close female friend that has helped me a great deal aside from LS. I'm greatful for her. I took this whole ordeal hard, very hard. I was completely shattered. I loved that girl more than anything. I had never let anyone in that close before, and to lose it all was unbearable. I looked back and thought, why be negative. Be positive. Instead of looking at this relationship as a nasty failure, look at it, as prospering, and advancement. Essentially that's what it is. While the relationship failed, I've learned a lot about myself, and the way I treat others. As well as how I want others to treat me. At that point, it didn't matter what she did anymore. I had myself, and our child. I'm optimistic, but still hung up whether I will find someone in the future, but I'm changing that day by day. I used to feel like crap, no good, useless, and the works. All my friends, and other people who I thought hated me infact didn't, and had a lot of good to say about me. That's when I realized while my ex degraded me, there are plenty of good people out there who won't do that!
Shakz Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) Right on, GG. I think you'll make it. Next time, when you're ready to let someone into your heart again, remember the words you have written here. It's funny, sometimes a heart has to break before it can be filled. It hurts, but if you can channel that pain in a positive direction, you win. It takes a conscious effort, determination, friends, and love. If you hadn't a child, you might have been in trouble. But your love for your child has mended you. All the best to you and yours. Edited July 7, 2010 by Shakz
Author GreenerGrass Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 I'm ready for a new endeavor, but I'm not actively seeking it. if it happens, it happens. This whole situation drives me to find that right woman for me. I'll be able to give so much more than I was able to before. We all have to learn from our mistakes, and no regrets. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a damn thing. I'd do this all over again, without question. GG
This Hurts Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Welcome to LS. You seem to have your head on way better than most of us, and that's truly admirable. I don't know what else to say but that.
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