SassyKitten Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I'm sure I've met the man who I can see being by my side through all of my life experiences and being the ultimate partner in crime I always thought would be cool to find. This whole thing has taken me by surprise though, I'm not sure what to make of everything. Long story, but I ended up living in Georgia after travelling overseas for a while due to travel debt. When I came to Georgia, I was in the midst of a sexual detox that lasted for 2 years total, as I had had a history to getting together with men who weren't on the same page as myself and being dumped and hurt. The man I broke this detox with, and felt blissfully happy with while we were together, turned out to have a pregnant wife who he was hiding from me immediately crashing this blissful happiness. I have stayed in touch with this man as friends only, we haven't been doing anything physical. His marriage happened because he was stationed overseas so that's the only way his then-girlfriend could be with him, but still, he knows I am not going to consciously mix myself up in something like that. After that guy, I rebounded with another man who everything also seemed perfect with. Only to find out that not only did he have a real girlfriend who he was in an LDR with, but he was also sleeping with lots of other women, including one he knew was married. The ex who I'm still friends with had the idea I should try online dating. I am much more liberal, open-minded, and interested in travelling than most people in Georgia, and the more he mentioned it the more it sounded like something that would greatly increase my chances of meeting someone on my wavelength. I honestly didn't think anything would come of it, so when I wrote my profile I was extremely blunt about what I want and don't want. I decided too that if I hit it off with someone who doesn't live locally, that's ok as I'll be leaving Georgia in a year when I finish my degree anyway. Right before I met the guy I'm involved with right now, I went through a very difficult part of my life. I have been estranged from my father for some years now, and I recently had to distance myself from my mother. There's a lot of reasons, mainly the fact that my brother was abusive towards my nieces and nephew and my mother accused them of lying, my mother beat me, my mother keeps accusing me of lying about being molested by my father (the reason I distanced myself from him, that and he was an alcoholic, violent, and emotionally abusive), and my stepfather assaulting me and my mother denying it. A month and a half ago, I received an email from a man located in Hawaii. Our emails turned into numerous sessions on Skype. We've been very blunt with each other about our respective histories, and he has been extremely supportive to me. Our values are on the same wavelength, he's interested in the kind of travelling I find rewarding, we share so many other interests, we have the same sense of humor being one that many people find a bit quirky so not easy to find, and we've had an honest talk about the direction our lives are headed in and we are definitely on the same page. I'm flying to Hawaii in a month to see him, and the excitement of thinking about this makes me so happy. At the same time though, the distance is getting to me, it feels like an eternity between when we talk to each other. For him, not only does he have so much more going for him than any other man I have met, but also our relationship is already moving so much faster than any other one I have been in, and he's one of the less than 1% who I can see making me even happier than he has already. One thing I am so worried about though is the ghosts from my past getting in the way of trust. I know it's especially hard in an LDR, but I would and have definitely had the same issues in relationships where the guy lives locally, therefore sleeping with him is easier. One thing that is amazing about this guy is how supportive he has been about my estrangement from my mother. He knows everything about my past except for the fact that I was molested. I have been holding off on telling him this not because I don't trust him, but I would rather we consumate our relationship first so that isn't on his mind. Plus I have done lots of work with therapists on overcoming this. Honestly, it doesn't feel like the final nail is in the coffin just yet, but finishing my degree up is so empowering. I'm 28 now, so better late than never on that one. However, I got an attack of paranoia the other day and questioned him about it. While I have had enough guy friends to know that it's more of a case of relationships can easily bring out the worst in people than all men are bastards, having as long of a string of bastards as I have had starting with my father does make you question whether that's all you're capable of attracting. My guy was extremely good at putting my fears at ease, making this yet another thing to add to the long list of things I love about him. I want to wipe the slate clean so badly, and I cried myself to sleep over this last night. I'm convinced that he is the one and I am determined to do whatever I need to to make this work. With all of this in mind, what's the best way to get this relationship off the ground?
carvidep Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I think it's already began to leave the ground. You two have already figured out the biggest key to a LDR: communication. Not only that, but you're both painfully honest and put everything right out there. I don't think you'll have to do very much to turn it into something more. Just keep up with what you're doing now. The only thing I want to give you a heads up on is that sometimes with relationships that start online, meeting in person doesn't produce the sparks that were originally anticipated. I'm guessing that that won't be the case with you two, but just keep that in mind and keep being honest with each other about what you feel. Regardless, you're going to Hawaii!!! :bunny: I'm jealous!!
Author SassyKitten Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) I hope so, I'm making myself tell myself out loud every day that I trust him, and that he is not any of my exes or my father. The chemistry has been outrageous via Skype, but at the same time we've told each other that we are serious and exclusive, just holding off on making plans for one of us to move untill we've met and confirmed that there is chemistry. And I have found a program through one of the universities here in Georgia allowing me to finish the rest of my degree online, so if all goes well I can move as early as this December!! However, I'm certainly not looking for a free ride, and if I wasn't a student I would insist on paying at least half. I'll know for sure if it's full steam ahead once the ticket is purchased, but I have told him to only buy the ticket if he is on the same page as me. Besides, I'm studying to be an accountant, and there's a very good chance I'll be making more than him once I have my CPA license. The one thing that scares the hell out of me and I can't stop thinking about right now is that I am the emotionally clingy type. I need reassurance. And every time I've had a breakup before I've been thinking "Great, so I guess there IS a such thing as being too loving, kind, and caring!" Actually I'm so scared about this that I'm having a hard time focusing on my studying right now, and SO is at work so communication is very few and far between. Edited July 7, 2010 by SassyKitten Panicking
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