HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 It's partly as I was left after 18 years a year ago by my ex partner, we lived together for 17. So my self esteem hasn't been at it's best, I wasn't insecure with my ex. But it's also the fact we can't hug etc regularly to help bring us closer and for reassurance I guess, and living so far apart leaves room for insecurities to creep in, I trust him totally but I still feel insecure about his female friends sometimes. Also the fact his ex was still sleeping in his bed until I said I'd rather she didn't, he said it was cos she is having a hard time, has nightmares, and they don't touch in bed, except to hold hands if she is upset. I know he would not cheat on me, I don't want to go into it here why I know he wouldn't cheat on me and why his ex isn't a threat to me at all, but I did worry about her emotional dependence on him. He asked her to not sleep in his bed when she visits now cos I wasn't happy with it, so they haven't recently. She left him after 11 years, 11 months ago. Anyway, do any of you feel more insecure in a LDR than in an 'ordinary' relationship?
Jethedo Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Very. But I think this is normal. Because of the long distance, it's as if there's almost no control of the relationship. You have no idea how the other person deals with the distance, and that causes the insecurity. There's always the fear of losing the other person, that he/she one day wakes up and says "I can't do this anymore, we should break up." In a normal relationship, you have more ways to counter this. The long distance is messing with our minds. EDIT: It makes it even worse if the other person isn't as "clingy" in the relationship as you are. My girlfriend isn't the clingy type. She doesn't constantly say how much she loves me and how much she wants to be with me, etc, etc. Because she doesn't express this all the time, it causes insecurity. If only she did it some more... >.<
Enchanted Girl Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I can totally relate to what you are both saying. I'm the exact same way. My partner isn't as clingy as I am in the relationship and something about the distance and not being able to hug makes me feel like he's not really in love with me and that he's emotionally distant whether he is or not. It drives me insane. I also get scared that he'll suddenly break-up with me and that he won't even tell me about it. Because if he really wanted to, he could move into a new house, change his phone number, and tell everyone not to tell me where he is. I promise you that if he did those things, I would never see him again. And I get paranoid that he wants to disappear like that from me forever because there would be nothing I could do to stop him if he did. I hate the lack of control and touch and seeing the other person and how much it limits the relationship. We're supposed to move and be in the same place within the next year and I hope he really goes through with it this time. I've been in a LDR for 5 years now and it just drives me up the wall. I have to have a lot of patience and trust in him to get through any of it at all. It also doesn't help that I can tell that my boyfriend is an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of person. It's not that he forgets me all together, but he definitely doesn't see me as important as he does in person when he's far away.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 I'm lucky in the respect my partner isn't emotionally distant and that does help. But it's like I question to myself a lot about whether he loves me as much as I love him and I've never felt this in any other relationship, and it's purely the distance and not the way he is with me, he's actually the most emotionally open person I have been with when it comes to our relationship. And I think things like; if I asked if we could do the skype thing where you can see each other sleeping (I'd like to do that now and again, not every night) like some people have mentioned on this forum, I'd assume he didn't care about me enough if he didn't want to do that! All these stilly little insecurities! I don't worry about him not wanting to continue cos of our distance though, he was in an LDR with his ex for a while, they spent a year apart once I couldn't do that, I need more than that, I'm too affectionate to cope with that. I think he copes better with our distance just cos he's done this before and I haven't, but I mustn't take that to mean he doesn't care as much! He makes It clear also that he does miss me. Thank you for your replies
SassyKitten Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 No advice and I'm coming to terms with my LDR as well. However, I can completely relate to being the emotionally clingy type when it doesn't feel like my man is so much. Doesn't help that there is a 6 hour time zone difference making communication much more difficult!
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