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Threesomes work in my relationship - but I'd like to think inside the box

stpeteflcouple

By stpeteflcouple
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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I am a 32 year old male and have been in a relationship with another 29 year old man for the last eight years. About 5-6 times a year, we have a threesome with another male. I would like to note this has never caused a problem for us, neither have cheated on the other, we have both always been disease free probably because we are very careful and only practice safe sex. Also, every threesome we have ever had has only brought us closer together. It's just sex. And that is all we see it for.

 

A little background... Prior to meeting my current partner, I was married to a woman for three years. I am technically bisexual as I am still attracted to the opposite sex. My partner on the other hand is gay, although he has slept with about 25 women whereas I have only slept with three (including my ex).

 

The issue... I am kind of bored with always have three men in our threesomes - I would like to mix it up by having a woman as our third on occasion. I neither know how my partner would react to this nor do I know how to approach this given he expressed disinterest in having a threesome with a female in the past - although he has admitted he would sleep with Britney Spears given the chance! LOL.

 

Any advice on how to approach with my partner would be appreciated!

Samantha0905 Established Member

Samantha0905

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Just ask. :) I'm not trying to be offensive to his homosexuality but if he's slept with 25 women I think he may be bisexual also. :laugh: Hell, I'm heterosexual and I've only slept with two men so 25 is a high number to me. I don't mean that in any way as a judgmental statement. :p

Enchanted Girl Established Member

Enchanted Girl

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Be sensitive when you ask the question. Say it's important to you, but be willing to accept his answer if he says no. Also, ask him to try it just once and see if he likes it and don't force him to do it again if he doesn't. I don't know, trying it just once is less intimidating than committing to doing it for a long time over and over again.

 

Also, be willing to compromise with him and do something less extreme. Like, say, watching threesome porn with two guys and a girl while having sex or having a cyber online with a girl and the two of you.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

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Yes, just ask. You could do something like, "I've been thinking more and more about maybe adding a woman -- I know you weren't interested in that before -- are you open to us at least talking about it again, now?"

 

If it comes down to it, explain your boredom. Or maybe don't use the word "bored". Maybe it's about "looking for ways to keep things terrific, and/or add a new dimension, and/or add some variety/spice"?

 

Congrats on your successful relationship. Wishing you (both) continued happiness :love:

Married_and_Lonely Established Member

Married_and_Lonely

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Is there any chance that adding a woman might make either of you realize you'd rather be with a woman partner? It seems like a little bit of a risk I guess.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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Well since Britney has no real merit that would make one admire her above others, the only appeal left is her appearance. He finds her attractive. So find someone who looks like her?

 

What about a passable tranny? Would that still not be what you are wanting?

 

I guess what I'm asking is: What is it about adding a woman to the mix that adding a guy to the mix won't satisfy for you?

vestigalvirgin Established Member

vestigalvirgin

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About 5-6 times a year, we have a threesome with another male. I would like to note this has never caused a problem for us, neither have cheated on the other, we have both always been disease free probably because we are very careful and only practice safe sex.

 

OK so this means you and your partner get re-tested for all STD's, and insist that the third person get tested for all STD's, and exchange the test results, prior to each new threesome?

 

Sounds cumbersome.

Samantha0905 Established Member

Samantha0905

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OK so this means you and your partner get re-tested for all STD's, and insist that the third person get tested for all STD's, and exchange the test results, prior to each new threesome?

 

Sounds cumbersome.

 

My son, who is a junior in college, goes every three months for STD testing. He says all sexually active responsible adults should do so. :)

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

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My son, who is a junior in college, goes every three months for STD testing. He says all sexually active responsible adults should do so. :)

I am in love with your son :love: -- and with his parents! Good job, all around. Give him a hug from me, please -- and hug yourself, too!

 

Of course, though, getting tested for STD's is separate from practicing safe sex. Same as getting tested for pregnancy is not practicing birth control.

Samantha0905 Established Member

Samantha0905

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I am in love with your son :love: -- and with his parents! Good job, all around. Give him a hug from me, please -- and hug yourself, too!

 

Of course, though, getting tested for STD's is separate from practicing safe sex. Same as getting tested for pregnancy is not practicing birth control.

 

Yes it is separate. Thanks about my son. I love him too! :love::D When we were talking about the STD testing, I mentioned safe sex to him (for the millionth time! lol) and he said he was highly offended if I thought he was stupid enough to have unsafe sex. Yay! :laugh:

Stung Established Member

Stung

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When he was with those 25 women, was that during a phase where he was trying to convince himself he was straight? Is he still generally sex-positive about women while acknowledging he is gay, or does he regard having slept with women as a hardship he endured trying to change himself?

 

Assuming he does know you consider yourself bisexual, have you ever brought this subject up before? Does he already know you still fantasize about women, sexually?

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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be willing to compromise with him and do something less extreme. Like, say, watching threesome porn with two guys and a girl while having sex or having a cyber online with a girl and the two of you.

 

enchanted girl, i've actually been working on this very idea; playing a cyber game (redlightcenter) where we can act out certain fantasies, including MMF threesomes - so far no dice lol. but this will def b a good approach. also no luck with bi porn yet :( but i have FAITH! :p

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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Yes, just ask. You could do something like, "I've been thinking more and more about maybe adding a woman -- I know you weren't interested in that before -- are you open to us at least talking about it again, now?"

 

If it comes down to it, explain your boredom. Or maybe don't use the word "bored". Maybe it's about "looking for ways to keep things terrific, and/or add a new dimension, and/or add some variety/spice"?

 

Congrats on your successful relationship. Wishing you (both) continued happiness :love:

 

ronnie, i love your response - it is so logical yet simultaneously so difficult for me to execute lol. yes, i should just come out and ask. i need to find courage like the little dog from the wizard of oz! or was it the tin man...

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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Is there any chance that adding a woman might make either of you realize you'd rather be with a woman partner? It seems like a little bit of a risk I guess.

 

nope none at all, i know firsthand after being subjected to three years of hell by my ex-wife, that you would have to hold a loaded gun to my head in order for me to again venture down the relationship path we call vagina. as for my partner, i think there is more of a chance of the sun imploding later today over my partner leaving me for a female now or at a later date.

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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Well since Britney has no real merit that would make one admire her above others, the only appeal left is her appearance. He finds her attractive. So find someone who looks like her?

 

What about a passable tranny? Would that still not be what you are wanting?

 

I guess what I'm asking is: What is it about adding a woman to the mix that adding a guy to the mix won't satisfy for you?

 

ummmm... tranny, yeah ewwwwww lol. perhaps i should be more tolerant, and perhaps trannys should avoid mutilating their genitals to simply to align themselves with societal stereotypes :) but i do like the idea of finding someone who could at least pass for BS (britney spears). maybe i will run down to the local trailer town and look for bleach blond girls skirting a kid on each hip and a fifth of tequila in her back pocket. let's not forget the shaved head! my partner would kill me if he read this about BS :confused:

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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ummmm... tranny, yeah ewwwwww lol. perhaps i should be more tolerant, and perhaps trannys should avoid mutilating their genitals to simply to align themselves with societal stereotypes :) but i do like the idea of finding someone who could at least pass for BS (britney spears). maybe i will run down to the local trailer town and look for bleach blond girls skirting a kid on each hip and a fifth of tequila in her back pocket. let's not forget the shaved head! my partner would kill me if he read this about BS :confused:

 

Trannies (transexuals) don't mutilate their genitals. They just wear opposite gender clothes and make up. Would a guy in a dress that could pass for a woman scratch this itch for you? Why or why not?

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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Trannies (transexuals) don't mutilate their genitals. They just wear opposite gender clothes and make up. Would a guy in a dress that could pass for a woman scratch this itch for you? Why or why not?

 

not true, transsexuals are the ones that have other ppl (doctors) mutilate the genitalia and give them breast implants. transvestites are men that dress up as women. neither would scratch my itch, as for why, because i am into men who look like men, and women who look like women, not a cross or someone pretending to be something they are not.

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stpeteflcouple New Member

stpeteflcouple

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I guess what I'm asking is: What is it about adding a woman to the mix that adding a guy to the mix won't satisfy for you?

 

we have tried threesums and 4sums before, but never with a female. for me, i like the female body, i also like the male body, y not enjoy both?

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

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it is so logical yet simultaneously so difficult for me to execute lol. yes, i should just come out and ask. i need to find courage like the little dog from the wizard of oz! or was it the tin man...

Reading 'tween the lines, your hesitation/reluctance/resistance (all three?) sounds a little out-of-character for the rest of your relationship.

If that's (kinda) accurate, what is your REAL, deeper-down concern/fear about just being open, honest and direct with your partner about this particular want-need of yours?

 

I say embody the dog, the tin man, the lion, the witches, the munchkins, the flying things, and Dorothy herself...and then figure out what is your REAL, deeper-down concern/fear that is blocking you, about this. :) Alternatively, embody all of that, and then just sit down over beverages of choice, and have the conversation with your man.

Shakz Established Member

Shakz

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Reading 'tween the lines, your hesitation/reluctance/resistance (all three?) sounds a little out-of-character for the rest of your relationship.

If that's (kinda) accurate, what is your REAL, deeper-down concern/fear about just being open, honest and direct with your partner about this particular want-need of yours?

 

I say embody the dog, the tin man, the lion, the witches, the munchkins, the flying things, and Dorothy herself...and then figure out what is your REAL, deeper-down concern/fear that is blocking you, about this. :) Alternatively, embody all of that, and then just sit down over beverages of choice, and have the conversation with your man.

 

That's actually kind of good advice if I'm reading it right. What is the real concern? Do you suppose your man might feel you're thinking of going over to the otherside for good?

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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not true, transsexuals are the ones that have other ppl (doctors) mutilate the genitalia and give them breast implants. transvestites are men that dress up as women. neither would scratch my itch, as for why, because i am into men who look like men, and women who look like women, not a cross or someone pretending to be something they are not.

 

my pardons! I meant like in the Rocky Horror Picture Show! My touchsmart doesn't recognize the word and inserted transexual. :o I don't get why it spells it wrong it while doing this?

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