timmytak Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Is partying, going out to the bars and all that fun stuff bad for a relationship? If so why? I feel it is because thats what single people do, yeah its fine if you go with your bf/gf but not if you go with your single buddies? What do you guys think?
seibert253 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Too many factors to give a generalized opinion. Level of maturity on both parties is the biggest factor If there's a level of maturity and committment, temptations can be avoided and delt with. There will be many temptations at clubs and bars. The main problem is that alcohol seems to diminish one's ability to rightly deal with the temptations. Fact is many people engage in uncharactoristic activity when they've had a few.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I go out "partying" (usually to a local dance club) about one Saturday a month at most. My boyfriend hates the club scene and pretty much refuses to go with me, which is fine, since most of my girl friends are single and I'd be the only one in the group bringing a guy. My boyfriend is 100% fine with me going with my friends, without him, but I do several things to make him more comfortable with it: -Invite him. Every single time. Even though he always says no! -Have him drop me off & pick me up. I think this makes him more secure in knowing that I'm not going to just leave with some guy, plus it works out great for me 'cause it means I don't have to drive! -Text him throughout the night just to say hi. He doesn't ask me to do any of these things, I do them willingly so that he feels more comfortable about me going out without him. I think it creates a dynamic of trust and mutual respect. :]
Krytie TV Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 First, let's separate clubbing and partying from fun stuff. Fun stuff can be good. The problem with this behavior within a relationship is that it just sets everyon up for failure. The difference b/w cheaters and non-cheaters is that cheaters put themselves in bad situations. What you're essentially doing is walking into a room filled with the opposite sex and screaming, "Hey, I wanna make a horrible mistake tonight! Who wants to help?" But if that's where your mental mind and maturity level is, then by all means go with it. It doesn't matter what others think unless it's your partner. I can say from experience that the quality of life is much higher for a non-clubber and the amount of drama is significantly lower.
Leia Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I haven't been much of a clubber so my answer would be no and it is still no, if I was in a relationship. I'd rather go out with my girls to catch up over lunch, dinner or drinks. Fun stuff ~ I do that a lot in a huge group and I always include my SO, if I had one.
phineas Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 The main problem is that alcohol seems to diminish one's ability to rightly deal with the temptations. Fact is many people engage in uncharactoristic activity when they've had a few. Actually, people use booze as an excuse for behaving badly. I've never cheated on anyone regardless of how drunk I was. I've also only seen one friend cheat on his girl & blame it on booze. However, he cheated on her sober & he was only referring to that particular woman because he had beer goggles.
Leia Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Actually, people use booze as an excuse for behaving badly. I've never cheated on anyone regardless of how drunk I was. I've also only seen one friend cheat on his girl & blame it on booze. However, he cheated on her sober & he was only referring to that particular woman because he had beer goggles. I hate that stupid excuse. I've been drunk a lot before and I never ever cheated. What stupid, lame excuse. If you know you're can't control yourself when you're drunk, don't get drunk
seibert253 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I go out "partying" (usually to a local dance club) about one Saturday a month at most. My boyfriend hates the club scene and pretty much refuses to go with me, which is fine, since most of my girl friends are single and I'd be the only one in the group bringing a guy. My boyfriend is 100% fine with me going with my friends, without him, but I do several things to make him more comfortable with it: -Invite him. Every single time. Even though he always says no! -Have him drop me off & pick me up. I think this makes him more secure in knowing that I'm not going to just leave with some guy, plus it works out great for me 'cause it means I don't have to drive! -Text him throughout the night just to say hi. He doesn't ask me to do any of these things, I do them willingly so that he feels more comfortable about me going out without him. I think it creates a dynamic of trust and mutual respect. :] You're the exception, not the rule. Your guy is one lucky dude.
stace79 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I go out "partying" (usually to a local dance club) about one Saturday a month at most. My boyfriend hates the club scene and pretty much refuses to go with me, which is fine, since most of my girl friends are single and I'd be the only one in the group bringing a guy. My boyfriend is 100% fine with me going with my friends, without him, but I do several things to make him more comfortable with it: -Invite him. Every single time. Even though he always says no! -Have him drop me off & pick me up. I think this makes him more secure in knowing that I'm not going to just leave with some guy, plus it works out great for me 'cause it means I don't have to drive! -Text him throughout the night just to say hi. He doesn't ask me to do any of these things, I do them willingly so that he feels more comfortable about me going out without him. I think it creates a dynamic of trust and mutual respect. :] I think this is a great response, and I respect what you do to make your bf feel comfortable. OP, I have this same argument with my LD bf. I agree that we both have to be able to do "fun stuff" since we live so far apart and only see each other about once a month right now. However, where he and I are differing is what "fun stuff" actually is. He talks about going to "beer and titties" night at some local dive bar, or ladies night at a local club. It's not that I have an issue with him going out at all; it's where and who with he chooses to go. I'm with you -- I think if you're in a committed relationship, you still need to have fun and have a life outside of just your partner. But you can also choose to do things that show your respect and commitment.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I think this is a great response, and I respect what you do to make your bf feel comfortable. OP, I have this same argument with my LD bf. I agree that we both have to be able to do "fun stuff" since we live so far apart and only see each other about once a month right now. However, where he and I are differing is what "fun stuff" actually is. He talks about going to "beer and titties" night at some local dive bar, or ladies night at a local club. It's not that I have an issue with him going out at all; it's where and who with he chooses to go. I'm with you -- I think if you're in a committed relationship, you still need to have fun and have a life outside of just your partner. But you can also choose to do things that show your respect and commitment. Yeah, it sounds like your boyfriend is focusing on looking at women when he goes out...which, of course, it happens naturally, they're guys, but to tell you he's going out just to look at girls is kind of distasteful. I would never say to my boyfriend "yep, headin' out to the meat market!"
sally4sara Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I go where I want. If that means a club - I'm going. If my husband were to think that meant I was cheating/going to cheat, he should dump me as it would also mean he knows me not at all. Its not like they pass out obligatory wang at the door.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Is partying, going out to the bars and all that fun stuff bad for a relationship? yes. If so why? do you think people want to party if nobody from the opposite sex will be around at these places? Some would say yes, but they are lying. I feel it is because thats what single people do, yeah its fine if you go with your bf/gf but not if you go with your single buddies? What do you guys think? there are some gray areas, like going to a bar after work to have some great buffalo wings, a couple beers sitting around a table amongst yourselves for about an hour or 2. but thats not partying. I liken partying to going out to bars, drinking all night, closing the place down, and not being home at a decent hour.
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