Got a second chance, and she broke up with me again :( :(

[chooch]

Two things stand out for me in your post so here's my opinion:

 

1) it costs to receive calls from abroad or text so use that as a further incentive to stay NC

 

2) If you are as into this new girl as you say then sod your ex. Don't answer the calls or reply no matter what she says. The new girl doesn't deserve to be messed around and you're better off without your ex (to avoid the whole round in circles game).

 

sounds like you're getting on a lot better since the last I heard. Keep it up

[GrayClouds]

So what should I do now when she calls? Is it rude to not return them if I miss them? I was thinking of texting her 'what do you want?' but I'm not sure as it would technically break my NC. She's abroad now so I'm guessing she really wants to talk to me if she's calling as we already finished any unfinished business before she left. What should I do now? Also when she calls and I actually hear my phone ring should I pickup? If so then what should I NOT say? I really am finding it hard to stay NC, but I'm still sticking with it like superglue.

 

Never read the book. What should you do next?

 

First NC mean NC, not sorta NC, not NC light, not texting, emailing, facebook or smoke signals.

 

Second, and you will not like this, stop pursuing the current girl. Your not over your EX, you have not healed from that last realtionship. It will hurt you and is simply unfair for the new girl. Find the courage to be alone for while, take some time to figure out what mistakes you made, and then learn some ways to keep from repeating them. Maturity means not using others to help them to get over their pain. Understand rebounds only cover up the pain, and keeps you from growing. Beside how you you feel if you was the new girl knowing all that you know about where your at right now.

 

It not easy, but nothing worth while is, yes your young but not to young to do the right thing. Right thing is to focus on you.

[spyyder]

I'm on LS now because I just cried over losing my ex. I felt so great today, especially after the gym and after going on another date with this girl I'm seeing....but all of a sudden I remembered my ex and I'm just crying. ****... Greyclouds I think your right.

 

When my ex had makeup on she was very pretty, but without makeup she looked so so cute. It's when I remember her cute face in my head, that I start crying as something I did bad to her always crops up. Even though on paper its not soo bad, I feel so bad doing it. She has this sad face (she can only do it when she's actually really sad), and that face popped into my head and it just makes me cry. Sometimes I imagine her saying "how could you" to me when I'm seeing the new girl. Then I tell myself that its her that left me, but I still feel bad.

 

She lives in another town and she use to come by bus to see me twice a week (1 hour bus ride due to slow bus). Only thing I had to do was pick her up from the bus stop (2 minute drive). I was late about 30 times during our relationship, by 10-25 minutes and sometimes it was pretty cold outside. I feel so bad about doing that now. I normally don't make an effort to look good, but I did when she came to see me, and many times I lost track of time so became late to pick her up. She hated the bus ride as it made her really dizzy (its 1+ hours long), but loved me so much that she didn't care...she would also come if I ever mentioned that I feel sad,sick, bad mood, etc even though she hated the uncomfortable 1 hour bus ride. I was so terrible I couldn't even do my 2 min drive pickup right. Many times I was so late she just walked to my place, even in the cold. I feel SO bad about this. Do you guys think its that bad??? OMG I feel so horrible about how lazy I was :(

 

When I see this new girl, I feel slightly guilty, even though I found out my ex is sort of seeing someone else too. Sometimes just before I see the new girl I stop for a few minutes as if my heart is physically trying to stop me from seeing the new girl. It literally feels like my heart is trying to stop my body from walking towards the new girl.

 

My ex will come back from her Europe trip on Thursday. I think I might have to let go of the new girl as I don't want to see the look on my exs face if she sees me with the new girl. If she whipped out her sad face, it would just kill me.

[GrayClouds]

Crying is good, it is part of letting go of the myth of reconciliation. I hurt and very hard but now is the beginning of it getting better, if you want it to get better. It means having courage to focus on yourself, not to distract your from the pain with someone new.

 

Again:

... and you will not like this, stop pursuing the current girl. Your not over your EX, you have not healed from that last relationship. It will hurt you and is simply unfair for the new girl. Find the courage to be alone for while, take some time to figure out what mistakes you made, and then learn some ways to keep from repeating them. Maturity means not using others to help them to get over their pain. Understand rebounds only cover up the pain, and keeps you from growing. Beside how you you feel if you was the new girl knowing all that you know about where your at right now.

 

It will get better, you will become better, how much depends on your level of courage and effort to make it happen.

 

I am truly sorry for your loss.

[spyyder]

Im still NC (I don't contact/initiate) BUT My ex just called, she just came from her trip from Europe. During the talk I asked why she called me monday night (when she was in Europe) and she said that she was drunk - so she was drunk dialling me. I wished I picked that time so I'd know what she would've said.

 

She then talked about her trip. She said it was great, etc and then said that I would have liked the wedding. I think she said that I 'should have been there', but I'm not sure if she actually said that. We did plan for me to join her on her trip but obviously I didn't go because we broke up.

 

She then all of a sudden asked how my date went (1st girl I met). I then said 'do you really want me to talk about this?'. She then said 'I'm just wondering'. I said the date with the girl wasn't great, but I met someone else thats great (2nd girl I met) and had a date with. She then asked if I'm going on a 2nd date and I said yes (even though I've already gone on quite a few). She first acted a bit strange, paused then said that she's happy for me.

 

Her mom was in the background and told my ex that she said 'hi'. I then told my ex to say that I said 'hi' to her mom too. From my experience, her mom ONLY says 'hi' to me when she was happy with me - when my ex and I were together, she never said hi if we had small problems/fights. But my ex and I are broken up now so I don't know why my ex's mom said hi to me.

 

At the end of the call my ex said bye. Then I said bye. Then she said, then I said,.... We did the 'bye', 'bye bye', 'bye bye', 'bye' thing (in a nice way) that only couples usually do.

 

So.....what do you guys think? Do you think my ex still has feelings for me? Do you think I can still get her back? I was thinking of continuing seeing this new girl enough so that my ex eventually physically sees us together to make my ex come back to me. Thoughts???

Edited July 22, 2010 by spyyder

[starryeyed12]

At the end of the call my ex said bye. Then I said bye. Then she said, then I said,.... We did the 'bye', 'bye bye', 'bye bye', 'bye' thing (in a nice way) that only couples usually do.

 

So.....what do you guys think? Do you think my ex still has feelings for me? Do you think I can still get her back? I was thinking of continuing seeing this new girl enough so that my ex eventually physically sees us together to make my ex come back to me. Thoughts???

 

 

Yes, there is still some attachment (not real love).

 

No, seeing you with the new girl will not get her back.

 

To humor you for a moment I will say this: she is still attached to you in some way, as you are to her. It's not possible for two people to invest so much time and emotion into one another and make a clean break. Even if he found someone else for the time, even if the relationship has been rocky and you've both been having second thoughts for sometime before the break up, even if you were a total piece of sh*t, there is still always going to be a connection between the two of you. After all, compatibility and a connection is what brought you together in the first place. Even after you both have moved on to another, you will still have some kind of connection, however faint. We can't just erase someone from our memories. My point here is to take some comfort that you are not in this process of letting go alone. She's going through it too, contrary to how it may feel.

 

That being said, you are dragging this letting go process on and on by your actions. You can date again when you are in a good state to meet someone special and give them your whole heart. Currently, you are living with only half a heart because the other half is half is near dead and holding on for dear life to this sad "what if," "if only" poison. Stop TRYING to make your ex jealous. So childish. Open your eyes! The only way you could ever, if EVER get it right with her again is AFTER you have completely lost her and can start over again new again. You must lose everything to gain it back. The pheonix must become ashes before rising again. I don't know how else to say it, but let go. In that letting go you will heal and be ready for her or possibly someone better.

 

Yes, talking and being chummy eases the pain for a second. Talk to an alcoholic or meth addict. They will tell you what its like to need that high and the sad lengths they go to get it. All the while it's the high that is killing them! You are addicted and that will NEVER be healthy and good. Do you want something healthy and beautiful? You should. Come to this realization and free yourself. Thats what I am trying to do.

 

 

*************************************************

Living is easy with eyes closed.

[GrayClouds]

She then all of a sudden asked how my date went (1st girl I met). I then said 'do you really want me to talk about this?'. She then said 'I'm just wondering'. I said the date with the girl wasn't great, but I met someone else thats great (2nd girl I met) and had a date with. She then asked if I'm going on a 2nd date and I said yes (even though I've already gone on quite a few). She first acted a bit strange, paused then said that she's happy for me.

 

Thoughts???

 

Sorry mate, she just FRIEND ZONED you. And she see exatly what your doing, and simply not that concerned.

 

I would also suggest stop using other people to play games with, it not fair to them and makes you look bad. This is junior high school stuff, your better then that.

Edited July 22, 2010 by GrayClouds

[DustySaltus]

This is very suspect to me.

 

Do you work for getyourexbackplans.com?? Enter your name and email, what for?

 

Hmm...sounds like some kind of scam targeted at people during some of their weakest moments trying to cope with the lose of a SO.

 

There is no PLAN to get anyone back. You can't force a shoe that doesn't fit right now. You CAN NOT magically, by following these instructions, make something that is broken whole again. It takes pain, letting go, rebuilding of your life, and time and MAYBE then you can get them back or find someone else.

 

Screw you and your fake plans that try to mess with all the progress we are trying to make here on LS. There is no simple solution, and its unhealthy and plain wrong to make it seem like there is any other way.

 

+1 :mad::mad:

[Maverick1983]

Spydder I have to agree with others here mate.I don't think you should use anyone like that.It's ok to go out and meet women but you should inform them of you're intentions so you won't end up hurting them.The last time I broke up with my ex before the most recent time I also starting seeing someone after a month of the break up.It always appears to be great at the start because you're no longer alone.The problem is you begin to subconciously treat these women like you did you're ex.Basically you use them to fill a void and make the break up easier.The problem is they end up thinking they've found the man of their dreams while all this time you're holding out for you're ex and eventually you have to admit to them you don't feel the same and bang you're after hurting an innocent girl.The girl I met after 4 months told me she loved me and didn't want anyone else and I had to tell her I didn't feel the same and it crushed her and made me feel shallow so I learned alot from that mistake but also felt awful for treating that girl that way.You can see where I'm going with this,I wish you the best but you have to live you're life,enjoy yourself and let things happen naturally.If you are fortunate enough to reunite with her you must better yourself first.Only you can do what's best for you so take a break step back and re-evaluate everything and hopefully you can decide where you go from there.I know this hurts mate,I'm going through the same thing so good luck.

[ngo_ng]

Hello guys,

 

I have been with my ex for over 2 1/2 years, that being said we had a love/hate relationship because of my inability to show her love until the later part of the relationship. We fought a lot and I initiated the break up twice and her twice as well. Against her friends' recommendations, she always gave me another chance. I know she loved me very dearly even though I was the worst of pricks and had not matured mentally yet. I just turned 23.

 

Now, she has just found another. I am moving on, we'll still see each other because of mutual friends, but I will keep NC although we had said we would stay friends. She doesn't contact me either, seems happy with him so what ever. I'll just move on and in a couple of months if this thread is still going, I will let you know the verdict. I'm sorry for jacking your thread but it sounds somewhat familiar to my situation so I thought I would post here and we could share our progress.

 

cheers

 

NG

[spyyder]

Maverick1983 your right. When I go on dates the girl actually goes pretty crazy over me, and its because I treat the girl as if she's my gf - the way I talk, caring behaviour, saying cute/romantic things, etc. Only till the end that I realize that I'm thinking about my ex all along!

 

I went on a date today with another girl. The start and middle was great. She was really into me, and I was into her. Then towards the end I realized that (like you said) I was trying to fill my missing ex with this girl, and it wasn't right, even for myself. I acted as if my ex gave me a second chance and I was on a date with me ex...except it was with this new girl. When I realized this I immediately started to be not as funny, slightly ignored her and just politely trying to get her to lose interest in me as I didn't want to be mean, but didn't want the girl to want a 2nd date. When I go on a date now, I just try to have a good time but I don't let the girl think that I'm actually looking for something, but still make sure the girl has a good time in general. This is really helping me be sane, and I'm not hurting anyone (I pay for everything on my dates btw).

 

ngo_ng, I don't think our situations are similar. I was a great boyfriend to my ex for the bulk of the time. I made many mistakes and did many mean things, but the nice things I did, my caring and happiness I gave greatly outnumber the bad things I did. I also didn't do any mistakes that are irreversible. She is aware that I AM good for her, and so does her family. My ex just has trouble remembering the good and can only remember that bad...but that's slowly changing. But you my friend did the opposite.

 

My ex is dating other guys, but never for long as nobody seems to match up to what she had (me), and she said that she's not really looking for anything serious right now - that is something that helps me think that we're broken up for now, but it doesn't have to be forever.

[GrayClouds]

Maverick1983 your right. When I go on dates the girl actually goes pretty crazy over me, and its because I treat the girl as if she's my gf - the way I talk, caring behaviour, saying cute/romantic things, etc. Only till the end that I realize that I'm thinking about my ex all along!

 

I went on a date today with another girl. The start and middle was great. She was really into me, and I was into her. Then towards the end I realized that (like you said) I was trying to fill my missing ex with this girl, and it wasn't right, even for myself. I acted as if my ex gave me a second chance and I was on a date with me ex...except it was with this new girl. When I realized this I immediately started to be not as funny, slightly ignored her and just politely trying to get her to lose interest in me as I didn't want to be mean, but didn't want the girl to want a 2nd date. When I go on a date now, I just try to have a good time but I don't let the girl think that I'm actually looking for something, but still make sure the girl has a good time in general. This is really helping me be sane, and I'm not hurting anyone (I pay for everything on my dates btw).

 

Spyyder, it is time to stop trying to be the last of the playa's. You thinking that using and manipulating people to get what you want is acceptable. If your insane find your own way back to sanity, if your lonely; learn how to enjoy being on your own, if you want your ex back; stop using methods or strategy to get her back.

 

Why are you so afraid just to be yourself and see if people like that or not? Do you not see by playing your games, people do not fall for you but they fall for your games. The sooner or later the see the real you and that not the person they went for. I suspect that part of what contributed to your break-up. Be single of awhile, focus on you and figure out who you are.

 

It time to work on being genuine and authentic. There is someone out there who wants to meet that guy, but until you start being that guy, they will never be able to find him.

 

 

 

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