Got a second chance, and she broke up with me again :( :(

[monkeymaid]

hay spyder,

 

its ounds like your heart is hemmorhaging!! you are trying any and everything to soothe your pain. that is the most understandable thing i have read on this thread.

 

it also sounds as if your life is centered around stuff. be it your ex girlfriend, or cars or whatever will kepe your mind occupied next.

 

bud i think its time for you to get into neutral becasue of this vindictive statement right here

 

"I've been so nice to the world and the world has just torn my heart apart, so it's about time I hurt the world too."

 

this is where you become bitter and an ******* and completely shut down your emotional world so you can never get hurt again.

 

that girl you have a date with, she hasnt done anything to you. let ehr go find the man of her dreams which i promise is not you in your present state. and the fact that you know it and are completely willing and seemingly intending to hurt her speaks volumes to who you are becoming. if you walk donw this path, there is a high likelyhood that you will not be coming back.

 

its you time, not crazy lets bleed all over everyone and bring them down to my miserable level time. you need to step up your game and achieve greatnedd not take the greatness from the people in your life!

 

the challenge is to be the bigger person, the stronger person. do you have the stength both body and mind to do that? or are you going to be feebly weak and maintain a dismal existance? thats really up to you.

[spyyder]

Thanks moneymaid for your post.

 

I decided that I'm going to wait till thursday night to see how I feel. If I still feel horrible then I'll just call her to explain why, if not then I'll go on the date. But whatever I do I'll make sure that I don't mention my ex and that I don't hurt the girls feelings, as your right she never did anything bad to me.

 

I know that people meet the perfect partner when they least expect it. Actually, I remember the first date I went on with my ex....I really thought that we'd only make it a few weeks if I asked her out. I NEVER thought that she would turn out so perfect and we would do so much together! But I also never thought that I'd be an idiot and mess it up.

 

I had to go on MANY dates and get through MANY exs before I met my ex, who I would consider the first girl that was perfect for me. I realize that I'll probably have to go through the same again to meet another girl thats perfect for me again. Another reason why I wanted my ex back so much is that I don't want to go through what I've been again...I don't want to go through all the same work that built the relationship I had with my ex, with another girl.

 

I do feel better now. Comparing myself now to how I was this day last week, I can definitely see a huge difference. I started going to the gym which really boosts my mood. When I was with my ex for about 5 months I stopped going to the gym because I didn't see the point since I knew she would love me even if I started slacking....I think not going to the gym also contributed towards my bad mood/behaviour (which started when we were about 6 months together) which led to my ex leaving me. Its funny how the smallest decisions I make ends up bitting me in the ass. I stopped keeping my phone with me everywhere I go so that I don't obsess if she'll ever call me back.

 

She is going to go to her cousins wedding in another country (in Europe) this thursday for a week. I know that she has MANY exs there, so thats why I really tried to get her back before she goes as I know it would be easier for her to fool around when she's there. However I also think that when she goes to the wedding she will think about me, as we always talked about getting married, and I was the most serious relationship she had. Do you think I sound crazy for thinking this?

[AlwaysConflicted]

However I also think that when she goes to the wedding she will think about me, as we always talked about getting married, and I was the most serious relationship she had. Do you think I sound crazy for thinking this?

 

It could do the exact opposite. It might piss her off even more that she spent so much time with you and it didn't work out.

 

I hate to type stuff like this, but none of this matters because you can't do anything to win back her love. Think about it like this. Most of us don't get a 2nd chance so why do you think you would get a 3rd chance?

 

The most important thing you can do right now is realize that you're a man. The world needs you to be strong.

[Maverick1983]

To be honest I think you should get out there and have some fun for yourself. just do yourself a favour first and inform the girl you are thinking of dating that you aren't interested in anything serious because the last thing you want is for another person to get hurt.

[spyyder]

It could do the exact opposite. It might piss her off even more that she spent so much time with you and it didn't work out.

 

Do you think so? In our relationship I did many big things, and she did tons of small things. I would still say that I did most of the 'work'. Its not that it didn't work out...she broke up with me and I did chase her for 1.5 months, so it was her that made it not work out....I was willing to make it work out and she knows it.

 

I couldn't help myself but I just sent her a text saying "I decided to let you go as I want you to be happy even if your happy without me", I don't think I meant it. I realized that I'm having too many of these 'cant help myself' moments to contact her so I deleted her number from my phone, and the number of her family/friends from my phone (I only actually kept them in case of emergencies).

 

I am going to ask if she wants to go on a date with me a month from now. If she says no then I'll just say that its just a date and we'll just hang out. If she says ok I'll then I'll take for for a really quick lunch at a mall and have a good time but keep it really short to make her want more. After a day I'll ask if she'd like to meet up again and if she says yes I say that I'd like to meet up in the morning and make sure that she's free for the rest of the day. I'll surprise her by taking her to an amusement park....I have a strange idea that if I take her on a few thrilling roller coasters (the world-class type) while holding her hand, she'll fall in love with me again???? I know there is a natural phenomenon that people can bond together when they experience something exciting/thrilling together??

Edited July 11, 2010 by spyyder

[GrayClouds]

D

I couldn't help myself but I just sent her a text saying "I decided to let you go as I want you to be happy even if your happy without me", I don't think I meant it.

 

I am going to ask if she wants to go on a date with me a month from now. If she says no then I'll just say that its just a date and we'll just hang out. If she says ok I'll then I'll take for for a really quick lunch at a mall and have a good time but keep it really short to make her want more. After a day I'll ask if she'd like to meet up again and if she says yes I say that I'd like to meet up in the morning and make sure that she's free for the rest of the day. I'll surprise her by taking her to an amusement park....I have a strange idea that if I take her on a few thrilling roller coasters (the world-class type) while holding her hand, she'll fall in love with me again???? I know there is a natural phenomenon that people can bond together when they experience something exciting/thrilling together??

Your being extremely foolish. YOU decided to let her go, dude she is already gone. your talking like like your in control fact is you can not even control yourself.

 

And your going to make her want more??????????? Make her fall in love??????????? No wonder she did not want to be around while you pick up your crap. If you behaved anything close to this behavior in this relationship you have not learn your mistakes, then your still making them. Can you see how controlling your attitude seems?

 

Instead of think how you can make her feel, act, think it is really time for you to start focus on you and your alone. This does not mean finding someone new to distract you, it does not mean wearing cool sunglasses at night for attention, or driving some car. It about you start understand and liking yourself without all those distractions. Your starting to communicate no so much love for your EX but a fear of being alone.

 

Time to make some real changes in your thinking. How are you going to start? I would re-read monkeymaid post it would be a good start.

 

 

 

.

Edited July 11, 2010 by GrayClouds

[AlwaysConflicted]

Everytime you contact her you're pushing her away.

 

Letting her go for now is not the same thing as letting her go forever.

[spyyder]

Your being extremely foolish. YOU decided to let her go, dude she is already gone. your talking like like your in control fact is you can not even control yourself.

 

And your going to make her want more??????????? Make her fall in love??????????? No wonder she did not want to be around while you pick up your crap. If you behaved anything close to this behavior in this relationship you have not learn your mistakes, then your still making them. Can you see how controlling your attitude seems?

 

Instead of think how you can make her feel, act, think it is really time for you to start focus on you and your alone. This does not mean finding someone new to distract you, it does not mean wearing cool sunglasses at night for attention, or driving some car. It about you start understand and liking yourself without all those distractions. Your starting to communicate no so much love for your EX but a fear of being alone.

.

 

No grayclouds no lol.

 

I'm not being controlling. It's just that at one point during the break up period I told her that I loved her so much that I decided to let her go. She then said "now I feel bad...you didn't cheat on me or anything and we have no much history...I'm not sure what to do". It was as if what I said made her on the verge of coming back to me! But then I called again and cried which ruined my window of opportunity Thats why I wrote that text....to perhaps make her slowly go back to the 'verge' she was in. I REALLY HOPE she doesn't see it as controlling. **** I wish I didn't send that text now!!!

 

As for the 'making her want more' and 'falling in love', etc its based on a popular e-book. In it it says to arrange a date after a month of so, and keep it short so that she still is interested and wants more (as in wants to see you again). Later it says to engage her in something exciting/exhilarating (e.g. roller coaster) as it is a proven phenomenon that people get close to each other when they share that kind of experience. I know this is true because I remember instantly bonding with people I just met when I went white river rafting once when I was in college.

 

I'm not trying to be controlling in ANY way. I just wanted to use something that seemed to work in the past, and stuff that I read from this e-book I got. I just was willing to try anything to get her back.

 

As for the sunglasses...well I said that I only wear them to hide my eyes when I burst out crying when I'm outside. I just said that downside is that I attract attention at night & indoors as it looks weird as if I'm a blind person. However I would rather walk around like a blind person than have people see me cry.

 

To AlwaysConflicted: Yep I got that. I always have these urges to contact her so I deleted her number from my phone, and all messages to her, in the hope that it'll discourage me from contacting her.

 

Right now I really wanted to go to her house to tell her that I'm a different person and everything and ask her for a date. I took a shower, got ready (new look, new hairstyle, new aftershave, etc to seem like a new person) and was ready to go see her. I got my car keys but then I decided to take a quick look at this thread and then I realized it was a bad idea. I shouldn't contact/see her anytime soon and just give her time, and I realized that she isn't going to think I'm a new person after such a short time - I took your advice AlwaysConflicted (about not contacting her, etc) and I think it was a good idea to not go. This is actually the first time I took advice from LS and I feel good about it. If I didn't come on LS right before I wanted to go see her I'm sure I'd be driving home right now crying because she didn't want to see me or something.

Edited July 12, 2010 by spyyder

[GrayClouds]

F#CK e-books there just BS to get your hopes up and spend you dollars on them. They give crap advice telling you if you do this or that you can manipulate someone into wanting to be with you. Manipulation = Controlling. Would you rather have some genuinely want to be with you?

 

It's just that at one point during the break up period I told her that I loved her so much that I decided to let her go.

Do you see how that reads?

 

I just was willing to try anything to get her back.

Are you really willing to try anything to get her back?

 

(new look, new hairstyle, new aftershave, etc to seem like a new person)

Would you be willing to stop all this and simple focus on yourself, figuring how to be happy on your own, to not just SEEM like a new person but to work hard on becoming a better you?

 

I realized that she isn't going to think I'm a new person after such a short time

Because deep profound change take time and a great deal of effort for it to be permanent otherwise it is just temporary. Your kidding yourself if you true believe you have changed but you do have the real capability to do so, if you have the desire and courage.

 

That is what this break up is about, it is not about her, it id about life telling it is about you. Are you ready to listen? You are a very external driven person, now it is time to work internally.

 

 

.

Edited July 12, 2010 by GrayClouds

[spyyder]

Just got a call from my ex!

 

She said that she accidentally called me. This is possible because many times in our relationship she accidentally called me as she calls people from her 'recent calls' list so its easy to accidentally call me when I take up most of that list.

 

I just said hi, and she then said that maybe we should hang out after she comes back from her cousins wedding in Europe (I know that she'll be back towards the end of the month). I said that its ok and I'm fine and I was very nice and calm during the conversation. I also said that I'm really strained right now because of the gym (just to clue her in that I'm going again) and work is going great (to clue her that my professional life isn't taking a beating from the breakup).

 

I realize that she might see or even sleep with other guys when she's in Europe. Thats why I've decided that I WILL sleep with at least 1 other woman so that if we ever get back together I won't go crazy if she tells me that she did sleep with someone else during our time apart. However I know she started to have a yeast infection in her 'area' so perhaps that might turn her off from sleeping with other guys.

 

I still do want her back. Perhaps a tiny bit less now, but I still think she's the one. I'm going full NC, but obviously I'll pickup if she calls again and only politely answer questions but not ask any.

 

I'm in a great mood today after the gym, and even better that she called and wants to hang out after her trip. I'm still trying to avoid going to therapy as I actually scared of going (I never thought I would be one of those people!!!).

[GrayClouds]

What is your age?

[spyyder]

What is your age?

I am 22 NOW grayclouds. Are you asking because I seem so wise and experienced? LOL. Your probably asking because I seem a tad too persistent and naive...we'll you wouldn't be the first to think that.

 

She called me again today. Initially I ignored it to just make her think that I'm not desperate anymore. She called again and I ignored it again. She called a third time later on and I was going to ignore it but realized that it might be the last time she'll call for the day so I picked up.

 

She called saying that she just got a call from her bank and landlord, and talked about her money problems and that if she didn't have her last 3 months rent ready by tomorrow morning her landlord was going to throw her out as he already filed for eviction, etc some time ago. I know she's not lying as I was aware of the problem before but she told me that she'll figure it out....I guess she didn't. Well, she said that she wouldn't be asking me for a loan if she had anybody else to ask the money from and blah blah. I said ok I'll loan it to her as I couldn't say no and at that moment I didn't care too much about money as I was too sad. When we were together she never asked me for anything (everything I did was my choice & idea) so loaning her 3 months rent isn't so bad. She said that she should be able to pay me back in a month but even if she never pays back I'm probably not going to chase her for it.

 

However, I told her that because she's my ex, I can't just give it to her without a written agreement (my dad always told me to have written agreements for everything lol). I have a pretty decent family/friends interest-free loan agreement template that my dad uses all the time when he loans money out, so I used that with her. I came over to her house and I said hi. She offered my drinks, etc but I said no thanks (I didn't want her to think I was expecting any favors for the loan) and then I handed her the agreement which she signed and everything. I then wired her the money she needed with my phone. I told her that I did just merely because I didn't want her to get into trouble, and that I'm not expecting any favors or anything from it. She then said that she was really thankful and stressed that she'll pay me back in a month.

 

THEN she asked me to go to her room to take the things I still have at her place (recent love letters, a few lost paintings I did of her, etc). These were things that she could have just thrown out, but she said that she just couldn't as if her hands were telling her no. When I was at her room we engaged in a 2 hour conversation. She said lots of reasons why she broke up with me (many small things). I DIDN'T defend myself and just agreed with what she said (I did good right????!?!?). When I subtly mentioned my date she started asking lots of questions and I could see that she became quite jealous. She then said that her cousin (NOT the one that's getting married) cried because we broke up and said that she told her that she was stupid for breaking up with me and will realize it one day. I met her cousin many times and she was very impressed with me. My ex said that her cousin told her that she once went out with a guy just like me, and broke up because she got tired and she then regretted it a few years later but it was too late to get him back...she still regrets it all the time. THAT'S why she was impressed with me before, and thats why she cried...because she can see that my ex is making the same mistake she did.

 

My ex then said that she knows that she'll regret it one day, but right now she just doesn't care about the future. I was actually very happy hearing that as it is validation that she is making a mistake and she is aware of it. I'm now on good terms with her (we'll see if thats still true in a months time LOL) and I feel less depressed and desperate to get her back. Right now I'm thinking that we're both so young, and I've got such a long time to get her back, so why be so desperate & sad.

Edited July 13, 2010 by spyyder

[spyyder]

I was wrong, I still want her back. Last night I really thought I was getting over her, but as soon as I woke up all my sadness and desire came straight back. Dammit!

 

Because we're on good terms now I'm not going NC (or????). Plus if I still keep in touch with her I have the opportunity to ignore her calls and end the call myself to make it seem like I've moved on, but still get to talk to her which keeps me sane.

 

I just talked to her on the phone for half an hour. I asked her if I look better shaved or with stubble, she asked why, and I said that I was wondering for my date on Friday. Yep she got jealous and didn't answer. You know what... I might not even go on the date, but the fact that I have it seems to be pulling me some strings with her.

 

I asked if she wanted to hang out tomorrow and she said that she's busy the whole day as she needs to leave tomorrow midnight as her flight is on thursday before sunrise. I said ok, and if she changes her mind she can call me. She then said that she wants to see me after she comes back.

 

End of call (I ended it).

 

Opinions? See any problems that I don't see that's happening?

[AlwaysConflicted]

You've tried to sell yourself, you've tried to make her jealous, you lent her money, her family member told her she was making a mistake and yet she still doesn't want you back.

 

I think you have your answer for now. Maybe things will change in time, but right now you have an answer.

 

I know you love her and think about her nonstop. I think you should tell her that you love her very much and can no longer keep in contact with her.

 

Then Go NC.

[chooch]

Spyyder mate - I know it's a massive head**** but you gotta try your hardest to go NC. I know it feels completely counter-intuitive but let it breathe. As people on here always say she can only miss you when you've let it breathe. Give her the space. If she's going to come back it will be better if she does it under her own steam. If you chase her you will be here time and time again if you guys patch it up... you're giving her the upper hand. It's not even about you having 'control' but if she really wants you then she'll make the effort. But she needs to be left alone to realize she wants you of her own accord first.

 

And this is coming from me! A week in NC. I would say I'm healing but that'll change by the morning. But seriously mate NC is the best way. It's not even a game to make her come back. It's the best thing. Let it breathe...

 

You've tried to sell yourself, you've tried to make her jealous, you lent her money, her family member told her she was making a mistake and yet she still doesn't want you back.

 

I think you have your answer for now. Maybe things will change in time, but right now you have an answer.

 

I know you love her and think about her nonstop. I think you should tell her that you love her very much and can no longer keep in contact with her.

 

Then Go NC.

[spyyder]

Thanks for the advice Chooch and AlwaysConflicted. Your advice was the tipping point that's made me choose to go NC at least till the end of the month...if I can handle going longer I will. If she calls I'll still pickup, but I will only let her initiate anything. Chooch your right...if I don't give her space then how can she think about me.

 

She's leaving for her trip at midnight today for a week, so I guess even if I wanted to contact her I couldn't, which is good. I'm REALLY hoping that when she goes to her cousins wedding she'll think about me, and that some of her family in the trip will remind her of me (while my ex and I were together I made sure her family liked me). I changed the day of my date to Monday rather than coming friday to give me more time to shape up - the girl I have a date with actually said it's good because she was actually really busy on friday already.

 

I went to my mom and told her that we broke up. I cried and she gave me comfort which really has made me feel much better as I haven't been able to get that comfort from anyone until now. I didn't tell my parents before as I thought I'd get her back soon, but it was time I told them. I didn't try to get comfort from friends as it could actually affect my future & business so right now I act as if I'm fine.

 

My parents were surprised (just like my ex's parents/family) as I'm the one that has so much going for him while my ex wasn't really going anywhere. Anyway, hopefully time will tell her what she's missing out.

[chooch]

No matter what she WILL miss you in some capacity eventually. It may take her years but one day she will think about what you had. On the other hand she'll hate you if you pester her. Chin up and stay strong *hugs*

 

Thanks for the advice Chooch and AlwaysConflicted. Your advice was the tipping point that's made me choose to go NC at least till the end of the month...if I can handle going longer I will. If she calls I'll still pickup, but I will only let her initiate anything. Chooch your right...if I don't give her space then how can she think about me.

 

She's leaving for her trip at midnight today for a week, so I guess even if I wanted to contact her I couldn't, which is good. I'm REALLY hoping that when she goes to her cousins wedding she'll think about me, and that some of her family in the trip will remind her of me (while my ex and I were together I made sure her family liked me). I changed the day of my date to Monday rather than coming friday to give me more time to shape up - the girl I have a date with actually said it's good because she was actually really busy on friday already.

 

I went to my mom and told her that we broke up. I cried and she gave me comfort which really has made me feel much better as I haven't been able to get that comfort from anyone until now. I didn't tell my parents before as I thought I'd get her back soon, but it was time I told them. I didn't try to get comfort from friends as it could actually affect my future & business so right now I act as if I'm fine.

 

My parents were surprised (just like my ex's parents/family) as I'm the one that has so much going for him while my ex wasn't really going anywhere. Anyway, hopefully time will tell her what she's missing out.

[spyyder]

My ex called before her flight (I didn't call her). I thought she wouldn't call & wasn't thinking of me anymore so I went to bed. When she called she woke me up, she said sorry for calling but she thought she'd just call me before she left, I said it was ok, thanked her for calling and said to have a great trip.

 

During the call I asked what the time was (I was so sleepy) and what time her flight was, and asked how she is checking in as she's pretty late. She said she's using the express check-in thing THEN I said 'oh like how we did when we went to paris' and she said 'yeah'. So I guess I just reminded her of when we went to paris as she hasn't been on a plane since then.

 

Nice to see that she still thinks about me.

Edited July 15, 2010 by spyyder

[Maverick1983]

Hi spydder,eventhough our situations aren't entirely the same I think we have the same objective to get the girl we love back.As much as it pains me to go no contact as she is quite upset still and enjoying my company I would prefer to be there for her in a boyfriend capacity rather than a friend but she doesn't think she's ready.I really hope things work out between you 2 as you seem like you actually want to make the both of you happy and not just yourself.Good luck.

[spyyder]

Hi spydder,eventhough our situations aren't entirely the same I think we have the same objective to get the girl we love back.As much as it pains me to go no contact as she is quite upset still and enjoying my company I would prefer to be there for her in a boyfriend capacity rather than a friend but she doesn't think she's ready.I really hope things work out between you 2 as you seem like you actually want to make the both of you happy and not just yourself.Good luck.

 

So do you think its a good idea to still be friends, or??? I don't really want to be caring, kind, do favors, etc for my ex because then she won't miss us being together. And I don't think you, Maverick, should do the nice things you did when you were going out with your ex or else she'll never be able to MISS those things. Don't act with her in a 'boyfriend capacity' as she will probably not see the point of being in a relationship if she gets all the pros from you for nothing.

 

Oh yeah and MY EX JUST called me 1 minute ago (hence why I came now on LS) and said she's on a train (in Europe). I didn't ask her to call me (haven't for weeks) yet she's starting to call me more and more. I make SURE that I end the call and not her which I think is working good. I'm still going NC but like I said I obviously will still pickup her calls.

 

Before, I was hoping she'll think of me on the plane as the last time she went overseas she was with me and we had a magical time in Paris & EuroDisney. When we went to the airport/planes, transportation, restaurants, bookings and etc I took care of everything so that she felt cared for and carefree (like a child). I think this time when she went on her trip she misses that 'not a worry in the world' feeling that she had when she was with me, which is why she called me now.

 

F YEAH! I think if I follow the NC rule and date other girls I'll get her back, but this time on my terms.

Edited July 15, 2010 by spyyder

[Maverick1983]

So do you think its a good idea to still be friends, or??? I don't really want to be caring, kind, do favors, etc for my ex because then she won't miss us being together. And I don't think you, Maverick, should do the nice things you did when you were going out with your ex or else she'll never be able to MISS those things. Don't act with her in a 'boyfriend capacity' as she will probably not see the point of being in a relationship if she gets all the pros from you for nothing.

 

Oh yeah and MY EX JUST called me 1 minute ago (hence why I came now on LS) and said she's on a train (in Europe). I didn't ask her to call me (haven't for weeks) yet she's starting to call me more and more. I make SURE that I end the call and not her which I think is working good. I'm still going NC but like I said I obviously will still pickup her calls.

 

Before, I was hoping she'll think of me on the plane as the last time she went overseas she was with me and we had a magical time in Paris & EuroDisney. When we went to the airport/planes, transportation, restaurants, bookings and etc I took care of everything so that she felt cared for and carefree (like a child). I think this time when she went on her trip she misses that 'not a worry in the world' feeling that she had when she was with me, which is why she called me now.

 

F YEAH! I think if I follow the NC rule and date other girls I'll get her back, but this time on my terms.

 

Ya I must admit that at the moment she has me where she wants me in some respects and maybe that she has the best of both worlds now but I needed to give her a reminder that i'm sorry and that I still love her and that we are great together.I think I'll gradually make myself less available but I'll always be there for her but not as much.With your advice I think I will probably ease off how I'm acting now for awhile because as you say she needs to miss those things about me.I thinks it's ok to be friends but as you said,not close friends.

[spyyder]

Ya I must admit that at the moment she has me where she wants me in some respects and maybe that she has the best of both worlds now but I needed to give her a reminder that i'm sorry and that I still love her and that we are great together.I think I'll gradually make myself less available but I'll always be there for her but not as much.With your advice I think I will probably ease off how I'm acting now for awhile because as you say she needs to miss those things about me.I thinks it's ok to be friends but as you said,not close friends.

 

I know this is my thread (LOL) but no bro don't do that! Trust me I've begged, cried, said how much I love her, want to get back together, will change, will do anything for her, etc. Your ex doesn't care, just like how mine (and millions...heck billions) doesn't either. You need to make sure the she doesn't have you where she wants you. Being there for her, letting her play all the cards, having everything on her terms is NOT going to get you back together and even if it did (definitely due to pity) everything will be on her terms so she'll probably break up with you if you didn't get her a coffee or something. I was in your shoes months ago and I did actually get a 2nd chance (out of pity) and guess what...she broke up with me because I visited her too late in the day (it was a surprise). Like I said, she'll break up with you over anything..literally anything...you breathe too loudly, yep she'll say its over! You leave the toilet seat up, she'll say its over! Do you want that??

 

For me, I really feel like I'm on track to getting her back now. What I did is just went NC and setup a date which she found out about. When she calls now I pick up, let her initiate everything (as if I don't really want talk) and I make sure that I end the call. When she calls I'm always a bit busy and doing something great. Because of this she is now starting to call me more and more, even from overseas on her cell - so she must really want to call me even if it costs like $1000000/second lol. This is a stark contrast from when I use to call her 20x a day and her only picking up once and never actually calling me and never actually interested what I'm doing.

 

I really wish I knew what I know now a few months ago. You know what come to think of it there are many times when she calls and I just don't pick up, she then calls later asks why I didn't pick up before and I just said I was busy..if she asks what I was doing I just say that its not really her business. I strongly believe that in a few months time she'll be begging me to come back and that she made a mistake.

Edited July 15, 2010 by spyyder

[Maverick1983]

I know this is my thread (LOL) but no bro don't do that! Trust me I've begged, cried, said how much I love her, want to get back together, will change, will do anything for her, etc. Your ex doesn't care, just like how mine (and millions...heck billions) doesn't either. You need to make sure the she doesn't have you where she wants you. Being there for her, letting her play all the cards, having everything on her terms is NOT going to get you back together and even if it did (definitely due to pity) everything will be on her terms so she'll probably break up with you if you didn't get her a coffee or something. I was in your shoes months ago and I did actually get a 2nd chance (out of pity) and guess what...she broke up with me because I visited her too late in the day (it was a surprise). Like I said, she'll break up with you over anything..literally anything...you breathe too loudly, yep she'll say its over! You leave the toilet seat up, she'll say its over! Do you want that??

 

For me, I really feel like I'm on track to getting her back now. What I did is just went NC and setup a date which she found out about. When she calls now I pick up, let her initiate everything (as if I don't really want talk) and I make sure that I end the call. When she calls I'm always a bit busy and doing something great. Because of this she is now starting to call me more and more, even from overseas on her cell - so she must really want to call me even if it costs like $1000000/second lol. This is a stark contrast from when I use to call her 20x a day and her only picking up once and never actually calling me and never actually interested what I'm doing.

 

I really wish I knew what I know now a few months ago. You know what come to think of it there are many times when she calls and I just don't pick up, she then calls later asks why I didn't pick up before and I just said I was busy..if she asks what I was doing I just say that its not really her business. I strongly believe that in a few months time she'll be begging me to come back and that she made a mistake.

 

Sorry I just realised I was kind of hijacking you're thread ha : ) but I really do appreciate the advice mate.I think you are dead right in what you say though and I will do it to some degree.It's good that you have developed a positive outlook also.I hope we will be trading success stories in the future : )

[GrayClouds]

Spyyder your talking about game playing and what happen when the game ends? Even if you get what your want. If she responds to the challenge of it, she soon get bored when she gets you. She already decided twice she did not want you, she will again.

 

You deserve to be with someone who knows they want to be with you, not some who has to be manipulated into it. (same holds true for you Maverick)

 

Put down the e-book do NC right for the the right reason.

[spyyder]

Spyyder your talking about game playing and what happen when the game ends? Even if you get what your want. If she responds to the challenge of it, she soon get bored when she gets you. She already decided twice she did not want you, she will again.

 

You deserve to be with someone who knows they want to be with you, not some who has to be manipulated into it. (same holds true for you Maverick)

 

Put down the e-book do NC right for the the right reason.

 

What sucks is that your right. She called me twice today from her Europe trip (I missed both calls as I was having fun!), but I THINK the only reason is she found out somehow that I'm REALLY into the girl I'm dating. I met another girl and the 1st wasn't what I'm looking for but this 1 girl I'm dating is perfect, just like how my ex use to be. She doesn't have every quality my ex had, but she has many other qualities that my ex didn't have - she's smarter, prettier, has a slightly better sense of MY humor, more talkative and is 24 (2 years older than me and seems ready for true love).

 

What I also like about the girl I'm dating is that she's pretty in the "wow I wish she was my girlfriend" kinda way and not in the "wow... If I boned her just once, my life would so change" kinda way (my ex), which really seems to make me less jealous as not every guy looks at her the way they did with my ex (as if she was a piece of meat).

 

I've bought 2 ebooks, both very well known (I think you mentioned you read the 'magic of...' greyclouds) and I agree that they will get her back but not for long. I think thats how the 60-day guarantee works....you will/can get your ex back but it doesn't cover losing her when she finishes the challenge.

 

So what should I do now when she calls? Is it rude to not return them if I miss them? I was thinking of texting her 'what do you want?' but I'm not sure as it would technically break my NC. She's abroad now so I'm guessing she really wants to talk to me if she's calling as we already finished any unfinished business before she left. What should I do now? Also when she calls and I actually hear my phone ring should I pickup? If so then what should I NOT say? I really am finding it hard to stay NC, but I'm still sticking with it like superglue.

Edited July 19, 2010 by spyyder