Jethedo Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (Eventhough my gf and I are in a LDR, this question isn't about that, so I figured I'd post it here in this section) Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship. We both love each other very much, and I'm positive we both have the strength and willpower to survive this LDR. My girlfriend recently started running a therapy center together with her mom and a friend. She's been really, really busy with work lately, and barely has any free time for herself. She is extremely stressed, she feels down, she's on the edge of going into a depression. And the whole problem is, because of the distance, there isn't a thing I can do to comfort her. Of course I try to be there for her as much as I can, but from this distance, the only thing I can do is call her or tell her on MSN how things will be OK, etc. Of course, it isn't really helping. Now the whole thing is, she's dealing with this situation a really weird way (from my point of view). She hides herself away from me. She's distant towards me. We don't talk much lately, and when we do, the conversation is slow and she brings no input to keep the conversation going (if I don't say anything, the convo dies), and she doesn't show any affection towards me. This all changed since she's gotten so busy. I asked her about this a few times (of course at first I thought it had something to do with me), but I noticed that whenever I do, I make her feel even sadder and she feels worse, so I try to avoid talking about this. But she always used to respond that she's just feeling stressed, depressed and that's she's just extremely busy, and that it has nothing to do with me, and that her feelings for me are the same. The reason I'm asking this, is that, whenever I feel down or depressed, the only thing I would want is to spend time with my girl. That would make me feel soooo much better. To talk with her, to see her on the webcam, to hear her voice. Yet, she does the exact opposite, and it's something I can't understand. Is it normal for people in this situation to "hide" away from their boy/girlfriend? Does everyone handle a situation like this differently? Should I just give her time and space, or is there something I could do? Thanks a lot for your time.
Template Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Have you considered that maybe she's bi-polar? The thing I've found is that there is depression, and at times, people don't want to be bothered. However, they are well aware that their actions could be affecting other people. Bi-polar on the other hand, could display signs of depression, and act in manners in which they are completely oblivious of the effect it had on people. Me, personally am going through a bout of depression, and I know when I go through thes bouts, am a very uncomfortable person to be around. However, as much as I personally try to hide away from people, I am fully aware that's not the answer, so it takes effort to want to be better. I don't know if this helps you out at all as I know how difficult it is to deal with a depressed person over long distance, but I'll be honest, if a person wants or chooses to be depressed, there is nothing you can really do about it.
Eve Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 It could be that your girlfriend is picking up too much negativity from client contact. I hope that she and her Mum have factored individual time to receive therapy/supervision for themselves. What with being the owners and all, this as a priority could have been overlooked because of their status. Overall, I would source suggestions for ways to ensure that she keeps herself emotionally safe during work hours, even if it only be that you find out how she off loads and guide her towards sourcing a therapist/supervisor. It is usual for people in such a field to have at least two periods in their career where they get 'burned out'. If there is stress between you both also she may be opting to cut out that stress rather than face it to minimise her overall stress levels. Especially if you work in a different field and she does not think that you would be able to fully listen to any concerns she may have about clients through lack of intuition/academic knowledge. Be careful that she is not stuck within trying to figure something out about herself via her clients. It is usual that those who follow a therapy route often have key unanswered questions about their own life experiences and they can burn out quicker if not monitored via regular supervisions etc. All the best with things, Take care, Eve xx
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