caseyisrok Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Well guys everythng was a perfect relationship and i was in love with this girl who loved me back for a whole year. I guess it seemed so much longer to me but there ofcourse has been ups and downs likeany other relationship... a month and a half ago i finnaly wasnt able to take it i was so confused and so lost that i broke up with her.. for about 2 weeks she chased after me and i denied her like the dick i consider myself right now. Eventually it led to an argument where i was mistaken and accused her of something and cussed at her and apperently broke her heart even more. And for the past 3 weeks ive been trying to get her back ,trying to say im sorry and i love her and i realized i really cant live without her i let her know this alot.. and for a day she got back with me.. but the next morning she thaught about it and ended it. I dont know what to do now she has been saying to my friend that she dsnt want anything to do with me and she dsnt want me to txt her or call her. Im so broken i feel like an idiot and i regret ever breaking up with her first or i should have just taken her back..Now her birthday is this saturday and its a special party and i doubt she'll invite me. My birthday came up after we broke up and she stayed up till 12 to say happy birthday to me first. Idk what to do but i feel like i have to repay the favor even though i think she dsnt want to talk to m anymore i know she still loves me but im wondering if i should give my friend whos going to her party a happy birthday card for me. Im so angry at myself and i love her to death idk if i should give he card and even after what to do if anyone can help out right now id appreciate it so muchand it would make me feel a bit happier..
graywolf Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Hang in there my friend. You know what this possibly is? She lost that power when you broke up with her, and you kinda sorta rubbed it in her face by being mean to her even though you broke up with her. But, then now she is just doing the same thing to you I believe. She wants you to feel the pain she felt. Yeah, if I were you, NC wouldn't really work in this case. Now I think you actually have to show her that you truly love her somehow, since she managed to turn the tides around after you were the one to break up with her. I'm going to say that you're in a better position than most of us on this forum, because you weren't the initial breakee. So, at least you know she still has the feelings for you. She's just a bit scared and doesn't really trust you anymore. That's fixable, but you gotta really try and not quit. That's personally what I think. Hang in there, and be really nice for the next month or so. IF that doesn't go well, you're going to have to play the NC card suddenly, so that she can come back to you again. And if that happens, don't refuse her this time. Good luck!
Ilovecake Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) You don't know what to do? Start by getting over it, she's gone. You let her go and broke her heart of course she wants nothing to do with you. She's obviously moved on and realized that you are not worth her time or effort. Of course now that she doesn't want you your ego is crushed and all of a sudden she's the love of your life. When you fist break up with someone there is the initial shock and you try to hold on to the person out of fear. This is why she chased you. When you have a little time away from them your mind starts to relax and get out of shock mode. This is where you realize that the person hurt you terribly and you start losing feeling for them. I would guess she’s in that stage of healing right now. This is why after being with you for that one night she realized she really doesn’t want to be with you. Good for her for having self respect. This is a great lesson for you that you can not treat people like disposable objects which you use when it suits you. Not once did you indicate that you have ever taken her feelings into consideration it’s all about how you feel and what you need or want at the moment. I bet you a thousand dollars if you two get back together you will break her heart again because she’s going to come off as weak and you’ll lose all respect for her for taking you back. That’s how it works. This is why you have 100s of threads saying the second time around did not work. Edited July 7, 2010 by Ilovecake
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Agree completely. Your emotions and feelings seem fickle. My ex did this to me. You cannot tell someone you don't want them anymore then suddenly want them again...respect her choice to not get back with you, because she's respecting herself. You have to understand that you hurt her terribly, who wants to walk right back into that? Move on, and hopefully you've learned a lesson.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) And actually, I have a question for you, caseyisrok. I'm curious...how are you so fickle? (Definition of fickle - Characterized by erratic changeableness or instability, especially with regard to affections or attachments). Honestly...I can't understand how you can like someone and then not, then like them again. How's that even possible? What brought that around? I'm curious, and maybe these are questions you need to ask yourself anyway... PS: This reminds me of that Jesus and Mary Chain song, called Sometimes Always. You probably won't know who they are, or like them, but look up the lyrics! tehe. Very fitting to you. Edited July 7, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
Author caseyisrok Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Well to graywolf: I guess this whole month ive tried to trully show i love her and idk where its going you know? and iv missed a couple events i should have been to with her and her birthday is on this saturday if i dont go idk how like i can live withmyself i would have missed smthing really important :/ And to heartbrake im not fickle i guess you and the guy who posted above you didnt understand what i said. Mainly cause it was my fault i gave u guys the impression thatoh i just didnt like her all of a sudden .. no. It was because she kept telling me all kinds of things that would make me angry or make me feel bad and she kept some lies from me that she just let out and also arguments with her mom who im pretty sure hates my life and i just pretty much lost it and i broke up with her BUT i did NOT lose any feelings for her at all which is why we kept some contact after we broke up. because for about 2 weeks my birthday came around and she was still tryin to talk to me and me with her. I just needed some space you kno..but it hit me even harder that i just couldnt be apart from her
Author caseyisrok Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 And exactly i dont understand how u can just NOT love someone after a year of loving them the way she said she loved me.. its like now she does but she dosnt want me . i mean if you love me then you should know that mayb u should come back to me even though i begged and chased after her for weeks you know mayb that should show a sign that i REALLY care andlove her and im sorry
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) Alright. You broke up with her, but you said you still had feelings for her when you did it. Then, you just told me that she still loves you, so why won't she go out with you? You said you needed time to think, well, maybe she does too. Pot calling the kettle black, much? I'm just trying to help you dudeSorry, but, when you break up with someone, that's not something to play around with. It's a deal breaker. You don't quit a job only to think about it and then go back. Sorry, but no. That's from her point of view, at least. edit - I thought a bit more, and that if my ex was truly sorry, then maybe I'd accept him back..so I'm trying to see if from your point of view. Sorry if I sounded a little harsh above. Just know, everyone does things they regret. Ya? We all make mistakes. But here's the kicker: we don't all have it in us to apologize. But you did. That's great. But she doesn't have it in her to accept or trust you. You've done what you can. Just sit back and see how things go. She may come back, may not. You'll just have to see. Good luck...if you get another chance, don't blow it this time, and try to let her know that you're always here to listen to her, it's just some of the things she says hurt you. Communication in a relationship is really important...can't hold things in and let it bother you, then break up over it...sounds like you need a good long talk with her. Edited July 7, 2010 by ahashakeheartbreak
Author caseyisrok Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Yeah i mean thats the thing she does love me but she dosnt want me its so retartedO.o im going insane. She hurt me alot b4 i hurt her you know so thats why like i had reason to break up with her i didnt just treat her like a toy i really loved her and i was confused. And trust me im really sorry i went through hell and back to try and get her back and apologize. i went to her house when she couldnt even come outside and i ran to the gym she goes to just to see her you know it was hard on me.If i got another chance TRUST ME i wouldnt blow it because im trying everything to get one but now i ask you... Should i just keep NC? or what i mean i havnt talked to her in i guess a full week and a little more, but her birthday is coming up you know so idk if i should send her a card and what to say inside you know?
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Well, in this type of thing, you need to SHOW you care. A card is a lovely idea! I think you should keep NC, but send the card. It'll have more of an impact then, you know? As for the inside of it...I'd go with what you feel. Then, wait a day or so, and if she doesn't get a hold of you about it, text her and ask her, in a really friendly way, if she got your card. She's obv wanting you to feel the pain that she did, and you have! You have, and know you understand what it's like, and that you were wrong. You've learned, and you've got more going for you than what most people on here do, simply because you are the intial dumper, and you both still care for each other. Most people on here will tell you to move on, but I don't see this as a lost case AT ALL...and I know what it's like to really like someone and just want them back. It'll all work out, I can tell you really do care about her.
Author caseyisrok Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) (: <3 thanks so far you have made me feel better and yeah i guess i will send the card i mean my friend is invited for sure soo ill give it to him and he will give it to her. It just sucks im not invited you know :/ it was smthing weve talked about for a while. I feel very happy that you know i trully care and yes it was 100%my fault and i take responsibility for it. I get kind of sad when i see other guys are hitting on her on fb. but i guess after i havethe card given to her on her party saturday of july10 her ACTUAL birthday is on the 14 so you think if i get no reply from her after sending the card that mayb i should call or txt on the 14 and ask if she got it? and until then NC? -EDIT. also my last 2 questions 1. because there is 3 days left i doubt i can get invited so should i feel bad and think that she dsnt care abt me if i dont go?or is she just doing this to get back at me and 2. What do you think i should write in the card that wont push nothing but at the same time show i really care? Edited July 7, 2010 by caseyisrok forgot something
whatadeer26 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 If you do send the card, I wouldn't follow up with a text asking if they got it if they don't send you a thank you. You should make about 20 drafts of your card so you know what you said is exactly what you want and mean.
Author caseyisrok Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 ah yeah thats a good idea so ill think abt it. because my feelings are really strong and its hard you know? So for now i am for sure just going to send the card but not follow up with a text for a good couple days if she dsnt respond to the card.
Author caseyisrok Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 sorry im just used to writing it like that you dont have to be a god dam smart ass about it atleast
whatadeer26 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 If you want think of what you want to say and post the drafts on this message board. We will help you out the best we can. You don't want to sound stupid, needy, etc.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I agree with whatadeer, just type a little something up that you may want to write and we can help you...sometimes you can sound needy/pushy without knowing it when you're in the throws of emotion, so to speak, haha. As for your other question, I don't think you should feel bad if you're not invited...it's a confusing choice for her too, ya know?
Author caseyisrok Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 yeah my point exactly i wud need help in writing something because i wouldnt want to be too pushy. But i guess the only thing i can think of writing would be like Happy birthday i hope you have a wonderful day today and have alot of fun and i wish you the best always will theres no doubt about it. And i guess thats all i can come up with because the card itself has some good writing its a hallmark special for you card.
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