Butterflying Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 OMG! What website are you finding these guys on because I would love to have a guy like you describe. So far, all the successful men I've found don't have time to date because the only thing they've wanted from me is sex. And they rarely have time to meet for lunch, or anything outside of a hotel room. And I hate that. I only WISH to meet a man like the ones you've described. I would not be intimidated. I would enjoy whatever conversation they had, boring or not. And if they offer me any aspect of sharing there life, beyond sex, that would be a dream come true. Please, get over whatever self-esteem issues you have because you have no idea how much worse it could be.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) FYI the CEO guy didn't call. I am not suprised because I said nothing through the whole date and couldn't wait to get out of there. I met a guy that works in IT today. He is a bit shy so I did about 80% of the talking. I don't mind that though - we talked about writing C++ code the whole time lol The thing is, physically he is not that great looking. I don't want to sound shallow as he seems really nice and intelligent. He also made me feel comfortable. He seems to really like me and wanted to set up another date on the spot (wants to take me to a Thai place for dinner on Monday night). I am not sure if I should see him again... I am supposed to meet another guy in a few hours, but I am feeling a bit tired of the whole thing Edited July 8, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 OMG! What website are you finding these guys on because I would love to have a guy like you describe. So far, all the successful men I've found don't have time to date because the only thing they've wanted from me is sex. And they rarely have time to meet for lunch, or anything outside of a hotel room. And I hate that. I only WISH to meet a man like the ones you've described. I would not be intimidated. I would enjoy whatever conversation they had, boring or not. And if they offer me any aspect of sharing there life, beyond sex, that would be a dream come true. Please, get over whatever self-esteem issues you have because you have no idea how much worse it could be. I am in Australia so I am on RSVP. My profile is also quite simple so I am not sure why I am getting so much attention. Picture is just a head shot. I had a body shot before but since I have a very large uhm chest, I was getting lots of sexual messages - changing the picture seems to solve that problem.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 I have also noticed a pattern: - the less good looking and less confident the guy is - the more confident and comfortable I become
PeterP82 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I don't mind that though - we talked about writing C++ code the whole time lol The thing is, physically he is not that great looking. I don't want to sound shallow as he seems really nice and intelligent. He also made me feel comfortable. He seems to really like me and wanted to set up another date on the spot (wants to take me to a Thai place for dinner on Monday night). I am not sure if I should see him again... Nice conversation..haha The last time I talked about C++ code on a date didn't went well...no second date Personality and intelligent are important but a person appearance still play a big part in finding the one. If you not physically attractive to a person chance it are it not going to work out, so find someone that will meet all your requirements. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, if you don't find him attractive someone else may.
USMCHokie Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I have also noticed a pattern: - the less good looking and less confident the guy is - the more confident and comfortable I become Because it puts you in the driver's seat and gives you more control of the course of the relationship. Simple ladder theory...
TaurusTerp Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I have also noticed a pattern: - the less good looking and less confident the guy is - the more confident and comfortable I become Sounds like you need to: 1. Become more confident to the point where you don't shut down around these successful guys, or 2. Date the more unattractive guys. Plenty of women I know do #2, and it works for them. There's no point trying to date the successful guys if you already know you can't deal with it, in my opinion. Perhaps down the road you'll become more comfortable with them.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 Sounds like you need to: 1. Become more confident to the point where you don't shut down around these successful guys, or 2. Date the more unattractive guys. Plenty of women I know do #2, and it works for them. There's no point trying to date the successful guys if you already know you can't deal with it, in my opinion. Perhaps down the road you'll become more comfortable with them. Yes, I am beginning to realize that. I can't just become more confident overnight, so my options are really either date guys that I am not that attracted to, or remain single. I also know plenty of women that date guys they are lukewarm about and go on to marry them and lead reasonably happy lives. I am depressed that I keep going back to the same problem I had 10 or so years ago.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 I had a cup of strong coffee and decided to press on with this. Meeting another guy in about 30 minutes
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 8, 2010 Author Posted July 8, 2010 I am back from my date. OMFG and not in the good way. This guy works in upper management in top 30 company which made me kind of nervous at first. However, since this was an evening date, he took me to an upscale bar (where the glass of champagne was $20 - and I had 3). Anyhow, the date lasted 3 hours. He ordered food as well (just some cheese platters but the final bill was around $200 ). Drinks relaxed me to the point where I was able to be myself. I found that this guy, despite his confident exterior - wasn't that smart at all. In fact, he steered away from any intellectual topics and the more drinks he had, the more swear words he used. He also asked me about every 20 minutes if I was truly enjoying the date or if I was just pretending to enjoy it (sidenote: the novelty of the cool bar with ice sculptures etc was nice but the actual date not so much). He talked a lot and I did too (thanks to alcohol) but I still wasn't connecting He was margianlly cuter than the guy I met earlier that day. He was just too arrogant and too supeficial. I dunno, but I wasn't feeling it. He could sense this though and he insisted on booking a date for Sunday and another one for Wednesday right there and then. I agreed as I didn't know how to get out of it at that point He called me a cab and asked me about 5 times in a really drinken voice "Do you really like me?" He kissed me briefly on the lips (and wasn't even pushing for much - thank God). I feel really bad that this guy payed so much and yet I don't want to see him again. I am so f-ed up guys. I am not able to even start liking someone. I seriously don't know what to do. As you can see in my posts, I am conflicted and can't even figure myself out.
tigressA Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 It's perfectly okay that you're not interested in that guy. I wouldn't be either, after all that. Try not to feel guilty about him paying, and feeling like you're obligated to see him again because he spent that amount of money on your first date. Since he shelled out that much in the first place it seems like money is something he can afford to throw around. And think of it this way: he'd really be wasting his money going out on more dates with you if you're not interested. So don't go out with him again. As for not being able to start liking someone, I think you're just meeting some real duds. The guys you've posted about meeting I very likely wouldn't be into either, from what you've said. Give it a bit more time; you never know what can happen.
TaurusTerp Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I am back from my date. OMFG and not in the good way. This guy works in upper management in top 30 company which made me kind of nervous at first. However, since this was an evening date, he took me to an upscale bar (where the glass of champagne was $20 - and I had 3). Anyhow, the date lasted 3 hours. He ordered food as well (just some cheese platters but the final bill was around $200 ). Drinks relaxed me to the point where I was able to be myself. I found that this guy, despite his confident exterior - wasn't that smart at all. In fact, he steered away from any intellectual topics and the more drinks he had, the more swear words he used. He also asked me about every 20 minutes if I was truly enjoying the date or if I was just pretending to enjoy it (sidenote: the novelty of the cool bar with ice sculptures etc was nice but the actual date not so much). He talked a lot and I did too (thanks to alcohol) but I still wasn't connecting He was margianlly cuter than the guy I met earlier that day. He was just too arrogant and too supeficial. I dunno, but I wasn't feeling it. He could sense this though and he insisted on booking a date for Sunday and another one for Wednesday right there and then. I agreed as I didn't know how to get out of it at that point He called me a cab and asked me about 5 times in a really drinken voice "Do you really like me?" He kissed me briefly on the lips (and wasn't even pushing for much - thank God). I feel really bad that this guy payed so much and yet I don't want to see him again. I am so f-ed up guys. I am not able to even start liking someone. I seriously don't know what to do. As you can see in my posts, I am conflicted and can't even figure myself out. Well, this wasn't a case of being intimidated and shutting down. You just didn't like him. Nothing wrong with that.
torranceshipman Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) I think that sometimes these guys can just be super focused on knowing what they want, hence focused questions, making you feel on the spot a little bit, etc. To be fair, it is a screening process both ways and the guys are probably working out pretty quick who they do and don't like, same as you... But edited to add...in the case of that last guy, he simply was devoid of class and charm so well done for dodging that bullet! Edited July 8, 2010 by torranceshipman
threebyfate Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I'm sincerely confused. Are you attracted to these types of guys or not? If you're not attracted, then why date them? It's almost like you feel you should be attracted to alphas, that you perceive them as the top of the heap and yet, your personality type isn't compatible to them.
norajane Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Have you considered that you're so tired of this because you're meeting these guys online and that's basically a lottery? Maybe if you were involved in something you enjoy outside of work, you could meet some like-minded people that you could develop a real relationship with. You'd have something in common, and, presumably, would go out on the date because you've already gotten to know each other and are attracted and want to know each other better. I find dating strangers difficult, because you didn't really have any reason to be out together other than you are both single.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 I'm sincerely confused. Are you attracted to these types of guys or not? If you're not attracted, then why date them? It's almost like you feel you should be attracted to alphas, that you perceive them as the top of the heap and yet, your personality type isn't compatible to them. Ha - that's exactly what I am trying to find out. I basically meet up with anyone who exchanges few e-mails with me, sounds reasonably normal in the e-mails (not sexual, not extremly bad grammar and sentence construction, have at least something in common) and a cute picture. With the picture, I am noticing that guys usually look worse in real life. My personality type is compatible with very few people, that's the problem.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Have you considered that you're so tired of this because you're meeting these guys online and that's basically a lottery? Maybe if you were involved in something you enjoy outside of work, you could meet some like-minded people that you could develop a real relationship with. You'd have something in common, and, presumably, would go out on the date because you've already gotten to know each other and are attracted and want to know each other better. I find dating strangers difficult, because you didn't really have any reason to be out together other than you are both single. I have tried exactly that and I haven't had a boyfriend in about 5 years (few dates here and there don't count). I am simply meeting no single men in my age group "the natural" way. I also hate dating strangers but I feel like if I don't change something, the next 5 years will pass me by and nothing will change. I am 31 now and not getting any younger. To be honest, I would gladly not push myself into dating those online guys. But I feel if I keep doing the same thing over and over again (like going to work, hanging out with friends, going to work functions) I will get the same result (staying single).
shadowplay Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Have you considered trying OKCupid? The guys on there tend to be more interesting and intellectual on average from what I've seen. Be forewarned that a number aren't physically attractive, but there are some hotties if you do a bit of sifting. Instead of just responding to guys who message you, try being more proactive and messaging guys you find desirable. I had a very brief stint on OKCupid, but never actually met up with anyone. I remember there was one guy I thought was really cute, who seemed interesting and smart. I messaged him and he responded positively -- suggested we hang out. But I was too chicken to follow up. Might be worth a shot. Btw, it seems like you keep going on dates with crass businessmen types. I really don't think that's the kind of guy for you. I see you meshing with somebody who is more reflective, cultured and intellectual, who works in a creative or academic profession.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Have you considered trying OKCupid? I just peeked in on OKCupid again after reading this, and I immediately found a guy in my city who's an astronomy and physics professor!!!!! I want him. He looks pretty nerdy and makes very corny jokes on his profile, but I have a MAJOR soft spot for physics and astro guys. :love: OK, I am going to have to rethink this whole online dating thing some more.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Have you considered trying OKCupid? The guys on there tend to be more interesting and intellectual on average from what I've seen. Be forewarned that a number aren't physically attractive, but there are some hotties if you do a bit of sifting. Instead of just responding to guys who message you, try being more proactive and messaging guys you find desirable. I had a very brief stint on OKCupid, but never actually met up with anyone. I remember there was one guy I thought was really cute, who seemed interesting and smart. I messaged him and he responded positively -- suggested we hang out. But I was too chicken to follow up. Might be worth a shot. Btw, it seems like you keep going on dates with crass businessmen types. I really don't think that's the kind of guy for you. I see you meshing with somebody who is more reflective, cultured and intellectual, who works in a creative or academic profession. I am in Australia so even though it looks like we have OKcupid, it doesn't seem like there are too many people on it. I think I will still make a profile. You are absolutely right. Crass business types are not for me. Imagine how would they react to me being depressed or emotional? Ugh. I think that on the site I am on, it costs about $10 for someone to e-mail me, so that's why it looks like crass business types with money are overly-represented on there. That is also why I am hesistant to pay to e-mail some guy. Interestingly enough, the guy I met earlier yesterday was closer to my type in personality. Even though he works in IT now, he did arts degree and plays a piano as a hobby. He also comes from a family of academics. Sadly, he looks a lot different than his picture and I don't think I can get past the lack of physical attraction. But for some reason, I really get along well with artsy people.
threebyfate Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 If you consider how quickly you judge men, it only makes sense at least to me, to find another way rather than online dating. Maybe it's time to take courses in subjects that you're interested in, giving you some time to get to know these guys before dating. And in all honesty, I've never trusted online dating. It appears to be full of guys who are cheating. What easier way to find someone on the side, than with a stranger who has no way of verifying who you really are? At least in real life, you can make your judgement call at the outset by gauging body language and facial expressions, as well as hopefully knowing someone who can vouch for his integrity.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 And in all honesty, I've never trusted online dating. It appears to be full of guys who are cheating. What easier way to find someone on the side, than with a stranger who has no way of verifying who you really are? At least in real life, you can make your judgement call at the outset by gauging body language and facial expressions, as well as hopefully knowing someone who can vouch for his integrity. Yes, I think you might be right. I'm browsing the Chicago fellas now, and it's full of cute guys who seem, at first glance, to be highly desirable. Something tells me I'm not getting the full picture here.
threebyfate Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Yes, I think you might be right. I'm browsing the Chicago fellas now, and it's full of cute guys who seem, at first glance, to be highly desirable. Something tells me I'm not getting the full picture here. The other thing that appears to happen, is that people get addicted to these dating sites, always looking for greener grass. If there's a guy who's been on the site for a long time, there's a reason(s) why. These appear to be some of the consistencies I've read on LS.
pandagirl Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 And in all honesty, I've never trusted online dating. It appears to be full of guys who are cheating. What easier way to find someone on the side, than with a stranger who has no way of verifying who you really are? At least in real life, you can make your judgement call at the outset by gauging body language and facial expressions, as well as hopefully knowing someone who can vouch for his integrity. I don't know about this. I live in a big city, and most EVERYONE I know is on match or okcupid or eharmony. I do believe, however, that dating sites are full of men who don't really want a relationship, and are just looking to date, have fun, or get laid. Next, next, next.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 It is getting me kind of excited, though, in a way I haven't been in a while, getting the suggestion that there are all these seemingly cool guys out there. Probably they are all lying, cheating, or screwed up, but hey, a girl can dream.
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