dyelawn Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 So me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 8 months now and it has been a very serious relationship, no fights, no problems. She has always told me how much she loves me and how much she would never hurt me or cheat because she absolutly is against cheaters like i am. I hate cheating worth a passion. So the other night she told me she was going to sleep at like 12 am and all like usual which is all cool. So the next day i met up with her and all and she was all fine and everything. So that night she was at a party and later on we were texting and i found out she admited, instead of going to sleep that night she went out to a party at her exs house. She lied to me about sleepin and all. Then i found out that while there her ex admited to wanting her back and all and she was alone with him in his room away from the party. Turns out she ended up refusing him tryin to kiss her but then eventually gave in and kissed him back quite a few times. Then she says he wouldnt let her leave and had her keys and all and so she ended up spending the entire night sleeping next to him in his bed. I know she didnt go further or anything but to lie, then kiss him, then spend the entire night with him still is cheating to me at least. It hurts me alot because i really can't trust her now, i have forgivin her because i dont wanna be without her because i know we can be together forever and she tells me for sure she will never hurt me or let anything happen like that again and has eliminated all communication with him. Am i wrong to take her back so easily? i dont trust her and wont for a long time at all, but should i have just forced her away to see if she truly comes back? Im so confused i have never been cheated on and i didnt think she would. I absolutly hate cheaters but i cant be without her.
tanbark813 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Am i wrong to take her back so easily? Yes, but most people have to learn this the hard way.
Shyguy6 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Ok you have forgiven her. Fine. But taking her back so quickly. Bad move. They put us out and away.Why not do the same to them and make them pay for it. And its a bit of a test to see if she is really sorry and cares for you. Yes you forgive but you will never forget. You'll basically be skeptical about anything she tells you beit an outing or a party or to hang out with friends. You will be suspcious. Its like a neverending cycle until the one who is hurt truly forgives her and heals from the betrayal. I feel for you man. Been there myself. Good luck:cool:
Author dyelawn Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 but what if there is no hard way what if she truly has realized what has happened? like i am skeptical about everything she says and all still and i know i will be for a long time for sure, but like what if there is some or a fair amount of truth to her words sure i can't trust there to be but what if she is honestly being sincere? before all this we talked about gettin engaged and moving in with each other but just talk but now she wants to do it she wants to get married move in, she has broken down in my arms and cried and hurt. Maybe she is sincere? maybe she is telling the truth? its a hard act to put on if she isnt. Thanks for the responses it helps.
Diezel Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 but what if there is no hard way what if she truly has realized what has happened? like i am skeptical about everything she says and all still and i know i will be for a long time for sure, but like what if there is some or a fair amount of truth to her words sure i can't trust there to be but what if she is honestly being sincere? before all this we talked about gettin engaged and moving in with each other but just talk but now she wants to do it she wants to get married move in, she has broken down in my arms and cried and hurt. Maybe she is sincere? maybe she is telling the truth? its a hard act to put on if she isnt. Thanks for the responses it helps. DUMP THIS GIRL. Are you kidding me? He took her keys and her reaction is to stay in the same bed with him??? YEAH RIGHT. Look, I know you like this girl a LOT, but she LIED to you once, she'll LIE again. Of course she wants to get married and move in... she is saying that because she is afraid to lose you and be left with nothing. Please, for your own sanity, do NOT stay with this girl. If she did it once, she WILL do it again. She lied a many lies in ONE NIGHT. Get back with her and in the future you'll be left with the mental agony of: Is she out doing it again? You don't need this in your life. Just think for a second, if it were YOU who lied and then went to your ex's house and you said to your girlfriend: Well my ex took my keys, so I had no choice but to sleep next to you... Do you think she'd take you back that easily? Your ass would have been kicked to the curb. Do yourself a HUGE favor, end this relationship, NOW.
TouchedByViolet Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 This chick will cheat again. Not a doubt in a mind.
Author dyelawn Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 she admitted to having feelings for him still even before that night like she just was left not knowing because he went away and the relationship just ended and then she met me and ours began, so in a way she wanted to be there but admits to it now that she for a fact knows that her feelings for him are non existant now espesh because of that night she regrets it incredibly and realizes she saw nothing in him she doesnt know why she still felt feelings. Am i just being to nice?
Diezel Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 she admitted to having feelings for him still even before that night like she just was left not knowing because he went away and the relationship just ended and then she met me and ours began, so in a way she wanted to be there but admits to it now that she for a fact knows that her feelings for him are non existant now espesh because of that night she regrets it incredibly and realizes she saw nothing in him she doesnt know why she still felt feelings. Am i just being to nice? Re-read my post. Can I not be any clearer?
Bryanp Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 You have got to be kidding me: You have been dating her and she is your girlfriend for 8 months and: 1. She lies to you about going to bed at midnight because she is tired. 2. She drives over to her ex boyfriend's house who is trying to kiss her all evening she says. Does she leave? NO 3. He tells her he wants to sleep with her she says. Does she leave or call a cab? NO. Does she call you to pick her up? NO 4. He takes her keys. Does she call a cab or friend or you to pick her up? NO 5. She kisses him and sleeps in the bed with him all night but of course no sex happens? How can you possibly believe this? She has played you for a complete fool. How can you be in such a fog. I feel very sorry for you. I guess being totally disrespected and humiliated in a relationship is not a big deal to you. It is bad enough she has shown that she has no problem lying to you and showing you complete disrespect. If you do not respect yourself then who will? You are a fool my friend if you believe her story and stay with her because you would have to be a masochist to stay with her.
Author dyelawn Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 she admits to not callin me and all that a cab a friend tho because she thought maybe she does have feelings for him, but now she realized she doesnt she realized it was stupid obv she will but like what if by chance it was a thing testing her feelings like closure to that relationship that just ended because he went away? what if as she says she doesnt have feelings for him it took that night to realize that and realize she has hurt me what if she really is honest and telling the truth. Whats to guarentee it would happen again? like people can go by experience right but she has never done it in her life before i know that not jsut by her word others and what i know, whats to say she isnt for the rest of my life completely committed to me?
D-Lish Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Am i wrong to take her back so easily? Yes..............
Diezel Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 You obviously don't want advice. You just want people to tell you that you should try it again and that she really is telling the truth. Sorry, you're not getting that from me. Can't wait to see your next thread asking WHY she lied and cheated on you again.
tanbark813 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Count how many times you've already used the phrase "what if". Don't date a person for whom you have to make excuses. What if I had a million dollars? What if the world were made of puppy dogs and ice cream? Who cares about what if? Focus on what is.
Daniel89 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I hate how she made herself look so innocent to you. I'd personally leave her, but if you are deciding to stay with her, make sure you don't show weakness.
mark982 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 buddy, if you take this gf back she WILL cheat on you again, she'll see that whatever line of b.s. she feeds you, that you'll just roll over and except it.she has no respect for you. and you can't seriously believe she slept next to him all night with nothing happening. run like your azz is on fire.
seibert253 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Dude, there are no guarentees in life. Will she cheat on you again? Don't know. A couple of good indicators that give some indication are: A. Her level of remorse and guilt for what she did B. Her level of committment to do "whatever it takes" to repair what she broke C. Her level of transparency and honesty to you. I nor anyone else can answer these. Only you can. I can only tell you from my experience. If you don't have 100% on the above three, then you're fooling yourself, and she's fooling you. Unless she's 100% on A, B, and C, then get out now. BTW, IMO your not getting the whole truth from her. Kissed, messed around with this dude, then slept in his bed but nothing else happens. I really hope you're not buying this. Also, you did jump the gun in taking her back. She should have earned that, you should not have given it back.
lkjh Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 dump her! She planned this out and even lied about going, she did more than kiss him, and she stayed in his bed because she wanted to not because he took her keys She is lying to you
ComputerJock Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 And they didn't have sex because she told you so? Dumbass, she screwed him and is feeding you a story and your dumb enough to believe it.
reservoirdog1 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I echo what the others said. She has told you everything she figures could eventually get leaked to you through other channels (e.g. "your GF spent the night in a room with her XBF behind closed doors", "your GF made out with her XBF"). She knows that the only way you'll find out if she actually fycked him is if HE blabs. And if he does, then it's his word against hers, and she can simply deny it because there will have been no other witnesses to it. Simply put, she's in damage control mode right now. Keep in mind that cheaters NEVER admit to the full extent of what they did. The fact that she made out with him is bad enough (especially since you know she still has feelings for him). And that "I couldn't leave because he'd taken my keys so I decided to spend the night in a bed with him"? Please don't tell us you're fool enough to fall for that one. You're going to do what you're going to do... but at least try to see through her bullshyt, and accept the fact that she probably fycked him.
JustJoe Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Dyelawn, I have to agree with the other posters. This was a pre-planned act, and she has only told you what you would have found out from other people. Everything else is just evasion. She f**ked him, but isn't honest enough to admit it. Contrary to popular belief, people don't kidnap ex-Gf's and then sleep in the same bed together. You are being lied to and betrayed. Dump her as soon as possible.
Citizen Erased Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Guaranteed that she had sex with him. Only people that maybe share a bed without screwing are those that have only just met. And even then it's rare. Someone you were at one point intimate with, you aren't going to be laying there sleeping next to them. Get STD tests. She actively lied to you in order to cheat on you. And then she has continued to lie after the fact to save her own skin. That is the kind of person you want to spend your life with? You may love her but your relationship won't be the same. And she doesn't love you in the same way or none of this would have happened.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 but if you are deciding to stay with her, make sure you don't show weakness. weakness in what wayyy? Way too late, you have been very weak, understandably because you're heart is involved but still it's time to "kick her ass to the curb." Listen to the women responders, "she had sex with him." If he is willing to lock her in his room, steal her keys, pressure her until she kisses him back, persuade her to sleep in his bed, do you really think he didn't try to have sex with her? Or, do you believe that while she went along with everything else he wanted to do that night, she said "NO" when it came to the sex? Come on! You seem to be a very decent and good person. I know this hurts like hell, but she has lied to you. She doesn't deserve another chance. At the very least, try to live without her for a few months and if you can't then reconcile. You deserve better - only you can insist upon it!
dispatch3d Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Why did she chose to go to an exboyfriends party when she knows stuff like this WILL come up? Why did she chose not to tell you where she was going? Not only did she do the above, she actually said she was DOING SOMETHING ELSE. Ie. straightup lie. She admits to kissing. Which is probably the absolute minimum she feels she HAS to admit to. What isn't she admitting to. Was she topless in the bed? etc. I'd start small and go big. Would not believe her definitely should dump her.
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