dr tobias funke Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago. We dated and lived together for 3.5 years. It was both our first time living with a SO. The breakup was kind of mutual, she initially left, tried to come back and I said no. We were just arguing about bills and things like that and it reached a boiling point one day. Now we were in LC for the first few weeks and after a little less than a month of NC she showed up at my house because she lost her phone and had no way of getting a hold of me since I blocked her on FB. She told me that she loves/ misses me but is unsure of starting the relationship again because she does not want to go back to where we were in the first place before the break up. I agree, but now I want her back. I feel as though this break up was what we both needed to get our lives back together. I have been taking care of my self, have a better job, seeing friends more but I'm not sure if she has been working on her issues though. She is in between jobs and having a hard time with it. She has been over my house a few times since the break and she lets me hug her and touch her on the arm while we talk, so that's not bad. The thing I am unsure of is that I do not want to be put into the friend zone and I don't really know how to go about avoiding it. I am happy to be speaking to her a few times a week again, but in order to get her back should I just go NC again or continue to be her friend and see how it plays out? We both have kind of seen other people since the split, but apparently that has not put a damper on her wanting to see me on the weekends. I dont want her to start seeing other people full time and think of me as only a friend. So I am thinking of just dropping back out of the picture again and hope for the best. Good idea or bad idea? I have been told to just be there for her but dont initiate any contact, just let her come to me. I feel as though our feelings are still there, we are just scared of going down the road we have already been down before. Any advice will help. I have been told so many things and I am just confused now. To recap: me and the ex are on speaking terms again and hangout every now and then. She has not expressed that she wants to start a new relationship yet. I want another chance. Do I go NC or just stay her friend?
spyyder Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You need to watch out. If your just there for her when she needs you, then your fast-tracking your way to the friend zone. As you said, your doing fine now but she isn't, not because of the breakup but because of her work, etc. This might mean that she's trying to find comfort, and find it in you, but once she's doing ok (with work and all) then she'll probably no longer be interested in you that way. If she was having a hard time coping with the breakup then I'd say different. Ask her on a date only if your really interested in her. If not then move on. Don't go NC (there is no point at this stage) and only be her friend if you intend to be just her friend forever. Don't try to be romantically close with her so that she doesn't she other guys...thats just your jealousy talking and its totally natural to be jealous even after you've broken up. If you ask her on a date, phone her up and have a nice chat and then ask her if she'd like to go on a date with you and nothing more. Don't mention time & place until she gives an answer if she'd go on a date with you.
spyyder Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Also I wanted to say to remember the problems you had in the past. You said that you two fought over bills. Thats really bad, and arguing over money/bills is a real relationship killer. Money doesn't buy happiness, but it's something that makes it much easier to be happy.... perhaps it's something that is needed to be able to be happy these days. Try to make sure that if you two got back together, you wouldn't have money issues.
HopeLove Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Hi, it seams to me that you both still love eachother. Since you was the dumper and she is the one going into your place I think she wants to get back to you but is waiting for you to make the right move. I would talk to her, tell her how you feel and ask her what she feels and if you both want I'm sure you can make things work out. Go and fight for your life, for me it sounds like there is a very good posibility you both will get back together.
Recommended Posts