GFORCE Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 We are separated. But she does come to my hse alot cause we are sharing a car. I used to have a female roomate that i kicked out 5 weeks ago cause she wasnt pulling her weight with bills and the night i kicked her out she was lying how i told her i love her an dhow id made moves on her etc. My guy roomate was like thats a lie. Even the female roomates female friend said it was a lie. She called the cops on me but they ended up kicking her out after checking her criminal record where she has done this before. Anyway my wife ( we are trying to work on our marriage and its going good) left without eating dinner. Next day she was still upset and calls my guy roomate. He takes her out for a movie and then she invited him back to her house and they had sex. She felt very guilty and dirty about it. I have forgiven her, but i dont know what kind of man would do this? I blame both of them. But why didnt he tell me he was going to meet my wife? And i asked her if they used protection she said yes. So im wondering did he got for the movie ready armed with condoms? She felt and still feels guilty about it. She says it was a big mistake, she was vulnerable and upset from the previous evening and needed to talk to someone and he was the only person she really knew in this new town we moved to. How do you deal with this? And im working on my marriage, so divorce advice is not an option for me . Thank you.
tornandmarried Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 yeah thats how these things happen....forgive, forget, and get rid of the roomate
hopesndreams Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Why isn't divorce an option? Are you "guilty" of cheating too?
Author GFORCE Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Have i cheated? No. Why isnt divorce an option? Most marriages would survive the turbulence if a little work was out it during the rough rough times. I believe there are cases where divorce is the only solution. But in some cases its not. No one said marriage was going to be easy an dim not one to give up before ive tried. If i had listened to everyone id be divorced now. I have stuck through and im winning her over. Its a process. She is showing acts of kindness to me daily. We have spoken about getting back together in the future after we both work on somethings. If i took the worlds advice id be a divorcee and dating someone else who makes me feel better but it would be short term. I dont want a quick fix. I took a vow. if she ends it , well and good. But im not going to be the one to initiate it.
cavedweller Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 GFORCE, Stop the 'seperation' and get back together now.. Maybe you both can make it work.. I don't believe you will ever work out your problems by being seperated..
What_Next Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 First that is REALLY rough. The roomate, throw his sorry a$$ out if at all possible. If not, beat him to a bloody pulp... (of course I am not advocating violence, only venting). IMHO if your marriage has any chance at all, and I admire your dedication to your vows, stop the seperation and begin the process or working it out. I have to say, if I were in your shoes I would not be nearly as accepting as you are, they BOTH would be out of my life, no question about it.
lkjh Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Dude throw him out but don't forget the fact that your "wife" purposely banged your roommate
JustJoe Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 OP, exactly what is SHE doing to show that she can be trusted in the future? She is the one who cheated and YOU are doing all of the relationaship work. What's wrong with this picture?
Doing it Since '78 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Not too mention she fecked your room mate for chirssakes- Grow a pair, man up and be done with her. You are only playing yourself at this point, she has already shown you she is a stone cold, remorseless, pig of a whore-No offense
Steadfast Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 With all due respect, you didn't come here looking for advice. You made a post looking for validation. I'll be honest, you're not going to get much of that here, mostly because the combined experience of the respondents tells them your path is a dead end. Cheating is the result of a decision, and 99.9% of the time it's something the cheater has been looking to do. Unless you're in a singles bar, even the most beautiful woman is going to find a little bit of resistance. Your roommate? That's coldhearted. That said, there is nothing wrong with honoring your vows. She didn't, which gives you the right to end the marriage with no dishonor to yourself. Yes, some (not many, percentage wise) marriages have recovered from infidelity but it is the responsibility of the WAYWARD spouse to lead the charge, not the betrayed. If she loved you, REALLY loved you she would be begging and pleading for a chance to make it right; to prove to you that she really does love you, that she can be trusted and that she really did make the biggest mistake of her life. If she isn't doing this, you're done. Don't come in here swinging the bat of self-righteousness. This crowd will chew you up and spit you out. Tough love is what you need, and tough love is the only thing that's going to get you to a truly healthy place. Think it over. Take care and good luck-
wrencn Posted July 10, 2010 Posted July 10, 2010 I don't have any advice, but I want to wish you the best of luck. I think it takes a strong man to be willing to work past infidelity. I hope she appreciates what a great man you are and works to make you marriage stronger. Good luck!
phineas Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I thought I could work past my wife's infidelity. But then I learned she was still having the affair. I pulled the plug. I signed d-papers 3 weeks ago. I am happier & healthier than i've been in a good long while. I got 2 kids so i'm still stuck with her, but she's the OM's problem now & I mean that. To the OP, you are seperated & trying to work on the marriage, ok. What is she doing? it takes two people. sleeping with your roomate is not working on the marriage. How long are you going to let her continue to treat you this way?
YellowShark Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Wow. So sorry to hear this GFORCE. What a sad turn of events. And i asked her if they used protection she said yes. So im wondering did he got for the movie ready armed with condoms? I never take condoms to movies. I have no use for them at a movie. If I did it would be premeditated KNOWING that sex was on the agenda that evening. If she had condoms at her house than she is having sex with other men. She says it was a big mistake, she was vulnerable and upset from the previous evening and needed to talk to someone and he was the only person she really knew in this new town we moved to. "Needed to talk to someone" and somehow sexual intercourse occurred? Errrrr.... Ahhhhh... OK. How do you deal with this? And im working on my marriage, so divorce advice is not an option for me . Thank you. I would recommend counselling immediately to try to figure out how needing to talk to someone leads to sexual intercourse with your boarder. Because I would have a really hard time trusting her the next time she "needs to talk" to someone.
linwood Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 And im working on my marriage, so divorce advice is not an option for me . Thank you. If your wife is going to use something so trivial and obviously false to sleep with your room mate I think divorce is the only option. I can forgive an affair but such a quick vicious affair over nothing is unforgivable. You really think she has the backbone to work through this when she didn`t have the backbone to work through what was an obvious lie concerning your behavior?
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