JaneInVegas Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I'm at my wits end, and would love some input from everyone. I left my ex-husband around 5 years ago. Due to financial problems and his never ending procrastination we are still legally married. Currently we are both in stable, co-habitating, long-term relationships. My boyfriend knows everything there is to know about my situation with my ex, however, my ex has repeatedly requested for me to not say anything to his girlfriend. They have been living together for almost a year, and I think it's grossly unfair that she has no clue she's living with someone who is still legally married! Anyway, I have been really pestering him since January to get the divorce going. He was really picky how he wanted to do the divorce (he didn't want lawyers involved at all) but he always had excuses why he wasn't getting the wheels into motion. Once his excuse was that his car got broken into, and his "extra cash" got stolen, so he was broke for another 2 weeks. I wasn't about to pay for the divorce since he refused to give me a dime for child support, and he agreed to pay for the divorce himself. But after trying to get him to take care of it from January until June with no results, I went ahead and paid for it myself. It was an online service he strongly wanted to use, and to try to make things simple (Lord only knows how many more months/years he would have bulked if I had tried to do it a different way than he wanted!) but the address change didn't take online, and the company mailed the papers to HIS place, not mine. So now he has had the papers for 3 weeks, all we have to do is sign, notorize, and mail them back, and we're suppose to be divorced a few weeks after that. As you have probably figured out by now, he STILL refuses to sign them, will not return phone calls or texts, and is totally blowing me off. I have no idea why he is behaving like this! We've been separated for 5 years for gawds sakes! I'm thinking of a couple of things: Get a lawyer and just rip the band-aid off very quickly and let him get pissed off. Only thing is, that's expensive and a lot more than I'm willing to pay. I don't even know if I have enough for a lawyer. Second thing: show up on his doorstep and if his girlfriend is home, just talk openly about it (without being mean or spiteful) but just as a tactic to get a firecracker under his butt. Enough is enough! Thoughts?
SarahRose Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You still have to show up to court even with a do it yourself divorce dont you? You didn't say what country or state you are in but I am assuming you're in USA? Just request a set of papers for yourself and go file them at your local courts office. They will set up a court date and the ball will be rolling and he will be forced to show up to court and if he doesn't he will lose by default and you'll have your divorce. It really is simple. I filed my own divorce and the paperwork was a bear but the divorce part was very easy once I filed the papers with the court.
Author JaneInVegas Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 I'm in Nevada, home of the quickie marriages and quickie divorces. A court appearance is not required, I just need to get him to sign the papers and get them mailed back to the people who prepared them, and we're divorced a few weeks later. Easy peasy. I'm thinking maybe I should check into filing them myself downtown. But first I have to get a copy of them, which will be impossible if the company will not send out another set of them.
SarahRose Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I'm in Nevada, home of the quickie marriages and quickie divorces. A court appearance is not required, I just need to get him to sign the papers and get them mailed back to the people who prepared them, and we're divorced a few weeks later. Easy peasy. I'm thinking maybe I should check into filing them myself downtown. But first I have to get a copy of them, which will be impossible if the company will not send out another set of them. You have tried to get him to sign them and he won't so just get copies of the paperwork. They have to give both parties a set you know. File it in the courts and it will be rolling. Good luck.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Jane, it sounds like your husband (not "ex" husband, as you're still legally married) doesn't want to get divorced because then he would have no excuse not to marry his current gf.
Author JaneInVegas Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Jane, it sounds like your husband (not "ex" husband, as you're still legally married) doesn't want to get divorced because then he would have no excuse not to marry his current gf. The "ex" makes me feel more comfortable talking about my boyfriend in the same breath I'm thinking you're prolly right about the reason for his excuses, but I don't understand the logic of his reasoning because she doesn't have any idea about it.
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Well, the bottomline here is NO SIGNATURE-NO DIVORCE. Are you driving distance from each other? Stop by his house and tell him face to face, hopefully his GF is there to hear what you have to say.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 The "ex" makes me feel more comfortable talking about my boyfriend in the same breath I'm thinking you're prolly right about the reason for his excuses, but I don't understand the logic of his reasoning because she doesn't have any idea about it. Perhaps the "reasoning" is simply somewhere in his own head. Even if his current gf doesn't know (and actually maybe she does or suspects?), as long as he knows he's still married, he has a personal justification for not marrying the gf, even if she hasn't figured out why he won't commit to her that way.
Iconoclast Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Wait..what's the problem here? Some deadbeat won't sign the papers so you can move on with your life. He is not your problem anymore, his girlfriend is not your problem. Just tell him to sign by X date, or you're proceeding (Just to be squeeky clean polite). Then follow through, and that's all there is to it. His drama is not your concern.
Author JaneInVegas Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Wait..what's the problem here? Some deadbeat won't sign the papers so you can move on with your life. He is not your problem anymore, his girlfriend is not your problem. Just tell him to sign by X date, or you're proceeding (Just to be squeeky clean polite). Then follow through, and that's all there is to it. His drama is not your concern. Nope, not concerned about his drama or his girlfriend in the absolute least. The only drama I'm concerned with is forcing a pen into his hand to sign the flippin' papers! I don't think I have enough money to hire a lawyer to divorce him without his signature. Signature = simple, easy divorce No Signature = financial nightmare That's my only issues.
Heathy Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I say threaten him that you will stop by through a voice mail or text if he doesn't answer his phone. And if you get no response than go to his house and be sure to tell his girlfriend. Maybe she will get him to sign the papers, who knows? You are in no way obligated to keep the secret especially with the way he's treating you.
Iconoclast Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I say threaten him that you will stop by through a voice mail or text if he doesn't answer his phone. And if you get no response than go to his house and be sure to tell his girlfriend. Maybe she will get him to sign the papers, who knows? You are in no way obligated to keep the secret especially with the way he's treating you. Sorry Jane, that's what I meant by preceeding. Just forgot to include it. Ultimatum. If that don't work, it sux, but I suppose a lawyer is the only choice left.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Nope, not concerned about his drama or his girlfriend in the absolute least. The only drama I'm concerned with is forcing a pen into his hand to sign the flippin' papers! I don't think I have enough money to hire a lawyer to divorce him without his signature. Signature = simple, easy divorce No Signature = financial nightmare That's my only issues. The following suggestion might strike you as crass but may be worth a try. Send him a letter with the divorce papers and tell him once you get them back with his signature you will send him a certified check for $500.00. Explain the $500.00 represents the initial retainer for the divorce lawyer that you will be hiring if you don't get the signed paperwork back in 10 days, and that it really makes no difference to you who gets the money. Also explain that if he forces you to retain a divorce lawyer, which will cost you more than $500.00 for the whole shebang, you will ask the court to have HIM reimburse you for ALL of your attorney's fees and costs due to his frivolous lack of cooperation. He may or may not sign the papers, but there's at least a chance he will do it for the $500.00. Sorry if this seems kind of crass but sometimes one just has to be practical.
Art_Critic Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 You do know that the power is really in letting the GF know ? Nobody will want him divorced faster than the girl who he lives with.. after she finds out that is.. Maybe that is your bargaining chip. Personally to me he sounds like he just doesn't want to be legally bound to pay child support.. many men don't want that court order.. as it affects their lives. While he may be paying it right now he still feels he has a choice right now.. after he divorces you he will have no choice ever...
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