beatingheartbaby Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Was dumped by gf of 6 years in may. Have been NC for 2 months. She has broken it twice with text messages. One random "hey" andthe other on my birthday just wishing me a happy birthday. Well. I have to drive down to where she lives. Which is about 120 miles away from where I live. I have a wedding I have to attend. I thinking about calling her and asking if she wants to get some coffee and catch up. Would honestly just love to see how she is doing....yeah I might still have feelings for her. But I think my pride can drown out those feelings. Let me know what you think.
sandiego Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Hmm, tough call. I was dumped 9 months ago....and haven't gone two weeks without some form of contact with my ex. We've tried to be friends, but it always turns to more heartache when I've brought up the possiblity of getting back together. She's been way over it, but still wants contact.....I want contact, but only because I want her back. If your feelings are still strong (which I would imagine they would be after 6 years), it's probably not a good idea, for your sake. However, I definitely understand the desire. You may think your cool with just seeing her as friends.....easier said than done. Had I gone NC 9 months ago, I can guarantee I'd be well over it by now.....or at least much further along. But you know, she was an important person in my life....seems like a waste to wash your hands totally clean of an ex you still care about and can be civil with. It's just a lot harder for the dumpee. Good luck with whatever you decide! SD
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 To be honest, this all translates into I want to see her and see if we can hook up and if we can get back together. I am saying this because I have been there before. If you want to hurt yourself and take 20 steps back, then go see her. You never know. The person that you once knew may not be the same person that you will see now, so it's all about what are you really expecting out of this "catching up coffee outting". Don't set yourself up for disappointment. The possibilities are endless but don't build any hopes just in case... Sometimes is less painful to never look back.
vivrantflo Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I agree with Mimolicious. Deep down, I'm sure you probably want your ex girlfriend back. I don't think it would be a good idea. Do you really want to know what she's up to? Do you think you can handle it if she tells you that she has a man? Cause trust me, she wouldn't think twice about letting you know.. Texts saying "hey" and "Happy Birthday" are meaningless. They are feeble attempts just to get a reaction out of you. You two did share 6 years, so she's curious as to how you're doing. But by her dumping you, she's given up her rights to know anything about you. Stay NC, if you end up talking to her, it will sting, and set you back. Good luck
Author beatingheartbaby Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Yeah. But to me there is nothing more painful than regret. And although it will for sure hurt a lot if she says she has a new man. It would help my recovery. Because I wouldn't be as delusional as I am now. And trust me. Anything she tells me can't be worse than what I have already imagined. I believe that we learn best from our mistakes. And although you can learn from others mistakes...sometimes u just gotta make your own. I want to protect myself and keep my pride intact and play this "game" we all play during break ups and I have this false hope that if I leave her alone she will miss me and come back. But it's been 2 and a half months. She isnt coming back. And even I'm aware that if she did...things wouldn't be the same. I want to see her so a. I can see what she's up to b. I have some things I wanted to say when we broke up that I didn't because I thought it was all a game when she dumped me...just your regualr closing statements. C. I want to extinguish my imagination. Inwant the truth. No katterhow bad it hurts. Somedays I imagine her with another dude. And somedays iimagine she's playing the same game I am. "NC" see who budges first.
Author beatingheartbaby Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 ...I want to end the delusions. I just want a dose of reality. I appreciate your guys' replies.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Just know that she may not care to hear your "closing statements" after this long...I know my ex would be pissed if I did that. Or, at least, annoyed. I'm not trying to make you feel badly...just trying to prepare you for what MAY come. You are going to do as you wish, I know that. No matter what we say. Just be smart about it. Good luck
chooch Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 ...I want to end the delusions. I just want a dose of reality. I appreciate your guys' replies. I haven't accepted my relationship was over properly until recently. I went with my heart and text too much... and met up in person. Different scenario but still I've learned the hard way that breaking NC can hurt a lot. I think the only reason I did was until it sunk in that it was over. I kept telling myself she might just fall back in love. So I have no regrets in the respect that I told her where I stood and clung on to the Titanic for dear life. Not that I even expected it to change anything. As the others have said don't build your hopes up if you do decide to break it. Only you know what's best for you. Good luck and take care of yourself
Mimolicious Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Yeah. But to me there is nothing more painful than regret. And although it will for sure hurt a lot if she says she has a new man. It would help my recovery. Because I wouldn't be as delusional as I am now. And trust me. Anything she tells me can't be worse than what I have already imagined. I believe that we learn best from our mistakes. And although you can learn from others mistakes...sometimes u just gotta make your own. I want to protect myself and keep my pride intact and play this "game" we all play during break ups and I have this false hope that if I leave her alone she will miss me and come back. But it's been 2 and a half months. She isnt coming back. And even I'm aware that if she did...things wouldn't be the same. I want to see her so a. I can see what she's up to b. I have some things I wanted to say when we broke up that I didn't because I thought it was all a game when she dumped me...just your regualr closing statements. C. I want to extinguish my imagination. Inwant the truth. No katterhow bad it hurts. Somedays I imagine her with another dude. And somedays iimagine she's playing the same game I am. "NC" see who budges first. What I think is delusional is that you actually want to put yourself throught it. People are nuts, then they complaint. "Closure" is just a fallible excuse to have the last word. In any event... Good luck at shattering your heart!
sandiego Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I'd support whatever you decide.....I've been through the same and have felt the same way you do now (still do to a certain extent). If you feel if/when you see her that it puts you back emotionally (which it has me over the past 9 months)...well, lesson learned. At least you'll know.....and if that's what you need to move on for good, hey you learned something that will help you make even better decisions about it going forward. Good luck, and know you're not alone! SD
indiana33 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I am probably the last person on earth that should give advice...but from what I have read here, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt... Your reasons sound convincing, but wont change reality. Hang on friend.
Gallaxia Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 I agree with Mimolicious. Deep down, I'm sure you probably want your ex girlfriend back. I don't think it would be a good idea. Do you really want to know what she's up to? Do you think you can handle it if she tells you that she has a man? Cause trust me, she wouldn't think twice about letting you know.. Texts saying "hey" and "Happy Birthday" are meaningless. They are feeble attempts just to get a reaction out of you. You two did share 6 years, so she's curious as to how you're doing. But by her dumping you, she's given up her rights to know anything about you. Stay NC, if you end up talking to her, it will sting, and set you back. Good luck It might be hard to see at the moment, but- THIS.
graywolf Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 just do it if it will help you move forward completely. SOmetimes to move forward 10 more steps, you gotta move back 20 steps first. When I found out that my old ex a long time ago was seeing another guy, it help me move forward dramatically. Yeah, it hurt for like a week, really really horribly. But after that, My heart was content. I preferred it that way rather than thinking about her for a long time into the future because I never really knew. I'd rather take all the pain in a short amount of time than let it remain in me for the rest of my life. SO yeah, I support you and say go for it, as long as you expect the worst.
cavedweller Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 baby, Continue with the NC.. You need to let her go and move on..
Author beatingheartbaby Posted July 9, 2010 Author Posted July 9, 2010 Maybe you are right about letting go and moving on. Just a quick update. Called her twice this week. No answer...no returned calls. It's just funny to me. She breaks up with me. She breaks my heart. And whenever she has contacted me I contacted her back. I think this pretty much sums up our relationship and puts things into perspective for me. I was always trying while she did nothing. What makes this super confusing is that she talks to my mom and asks about me and tells her stuff like. "I love him and he will always be the love of my life" "I will eventually call him" WTF? I just hate that I still care so much.
Binster Posted July 9, 2010 Posted July 9, 2010 Read a thread by Always conflicted. It might be of intrest.
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