kiss_andmakeup Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So, I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. It's a really great relationship and we love and respect each other completely. We took things slow at first but around 8 - 10 months in he did start mentioning marriage (not necessarily that he wanted to right then, but speaking of the future). And especially that summer (this would have been last summer), we had this slew of weddings to attend in his family, and family members would say, "hey you guys are next!" Well he would smile and say something like "maybe!" or "yep!" while I handled it kind of poorly (being only 21 at the time) and acted a little freaked out every time someone said something like that. Eventually he confronted me and explained that it kind of hurt his feelings when I reacted negatively to marriage comments. I felt crappy. I said something along the lines of, "look, I only react that way because I feel like I'm still so young (he was 32 at the time) and the idea of marriage freaks me out a little bit. It doesn't mean I don't want to marry you eventually or that I don't love you. I'm sorry for reacting immaturely." He accepted and understood and said the last thing he wanted to do was freak me out or scare me away. So, after that he kind of stopped mentioning it because I think he was worried about smothering me or scaring me off. Over the past year or so our relationship has gotten stronger and we've been through more things together. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the idea of marriage wouldn't freak me out anymore. Not necessarily that I want to get married right now, but I want him to know that that door has opened for me. I've realized that I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone but him. So, obviously I don't want to be really direct about this because I've always sworn that I will NEVER be one of those women who hounds her boyfriend to propose to her. And that's just the thing...I really wouldn't have to. I just want to know how to indicate to him that I'm ready, whenever he is, whether that's in three months or three years from now, and that he doesn't have to worry about freaking me out anymore. Suggestions?
Crazy Magnet Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 In my experience hinting doesn't work too well. You guys have been together long enough that saying "Hey, marriage doesn't freak me out anymore. I can't imagine life without you. The door is open whenever you are ready, be it 3 months or 3 years." and leave it at that. He may want to talk about it some more, he may not. If he was gung ho on marriage before most likely that hasn't changed and he will welcome the conversation. I don't think saying "Ok, I'm ready now!" is acting like one of those girls at all. I told my BF when I get ready for him to pop the question I'll give him a "sign" and he won't be able to miss it and then he can ask whenever he gets good and ready to ask. He loves my butt so I got a pair of super cute panties that say "HINT HINT" in silver sparkles on the rear with a sparklie ring. I won't have to say anything at all. I'll just prance around the house in them one day and that will be that. No hounding from me! I think it would also be cute to tell your BF that you wanted to give him some type of "sign" that you were thinking about marriage and then have "I'm ready when you are!" stuck on a yard sign out in the front yard. lol It's a way to make the conversation light-hearted and fun.
make me believe Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Just tell him! I would pick some really happy, lovey moment, give him a big smile and a kiss and say "you know, I really feel like our relationship has grown a lot in the past year. You make me so happy. I know that I wasn't ready to talk about marriage before, but the idea of being married doesn't freak me out anymore when I imagine myself married to you." And of course you can clarify that you don't need to be married RIGHT NOW. I'm sure your bf will be thrilled! Or, you could just say "I love you! I can really see myself marrying you someday" and if he questions your change of heart, just explain that the past year has made you even more certain that you'll be ready whenever he is.
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 As a guy in an LTR, I can tell you that I could PROBABLY pick up on hints, but that's after years of relationship experience. But I'd rather she avoid the frustration of dropping hints and not picking up on them by her simply telling me. If he wasn't adverse to the idea of marriage BEFORE, then he definitely wouldn't be adverse to it now after the relationship is stronger.
Mutant Debutante Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So, obviously I don't want to be really direct about this because I've always sworn that I will NEVER be one of those women who hounds her boyfriend to propose to her. And that's just the thing...I really wouldn't have to. I just want to know how to indicate to him that I'm ready, whenever he is, whether that's in three months or three years from now, and that he doesn't have to worry about freaking me out anymore. Suggestions? Maybe I'm slow, but, I don't get why having a couple glasses of wine and then telling him almost word-for-word the above paragraph is a bad idea. It's direct, okay, but a lot of guys just. don't. get. it. even when we feel like we're beating them over the head with a clue. And it's definitely not the same thing as hounding him to propose, it's a conversation. I'm a little bit older than you I think and I'm no way ready to get married, no how. But kudos to you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 When you're relatively young, and with a guy that much older, the delay of which you're complaining is probably the best thing that could happen to you. Just stay the course, and say nothing. (the next twelve years are not going to flash by within the next 24 months, no matter what you might fear)
Green Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You kinda have to be one of those women especialy if he was bringing it up and you acted scared. Just tell him what you are telling us.
gamma1 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You should tell him. Just don't keep telling him 10 times a day.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Maybe I'm slow, but, I don't get why having a couple glasses of wine and then telling him almost word-for-word the above paragraph is a bad idea. It's direct, okay, but a lot of guys just. don't. get. it. even when we feel like we're beating them over the head with a clue. And it's definitely not the same thing as hounding him to propose, it's a conversation. I'm a little bit older than you I think and I'm no way ready to get married, no how. But kudos to you. You're probably right. I'm just bad at the whole being direct thing. Thanks for the responses everyone. :]
Mutant Debutante Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 You're probably right. I'm just bad at the whole being direct thing. Thanks for the responses everyone. :] Well, directness is my policy, but it doesn't come easy to me either. That's why I threw a couple glasses of wine in there, I know I'd need 'em to start up that conversation.
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