What can i do now ?

[Noctum]

What should i do? This is a complicated story..But ill try to resume best i can.. Been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years..lived with her for one year.. our relation was always under alot of pressure from external problems..but we always managed to solve and i always was there for her...In November 2009, we had to return to our parents home..cos well my mother didn't want her to stay at house.She was out of job and my company wasn't paying salaries and i already had 4 salaries on delay and a ton of debts..

In January i decided to go out and sue a process on court which would grant me unemployment.By that time.. my mother was getting softer and let her stay for weekends and holidays and in end of February a huge storm did alot of damage in my city and my gf stayed with me for some weeks.. and then finally my mom let her stay there living with us.. by then she already had a gotten a job and i was still waiting for the unemployment..

As time passes i couldn't get a job and with no unemployment i went down for the first time in our relationship.. i spend my days alone and didn't paid her attention cos i couldn't stop thinking on where and how i would get money ...In April she asked for a time and for 2 weeks she said she was going to stay with her mom..after that time i grew suspicious and started to pressure her to tell me whats was happening and she said she was seeing someone new that she met in work and for a time she didn't want anything with him but since i hadn't been paying any attention to her she decided to give him a chance and that she started to like him.. and that she been staying at that guys place with his parents .. i couldn't believe what was going on specially cos guy barely know her..same for her ,,and he was already letting her in into his places and his parents didn't even said anything.. she was 22 and the guy 32.. Still i tried to talk her to comeback and she did for a week cos the guy said he was going to see a concert with his friends and would be a week away and that she would stay with his parents.. After that week when he comeback she said she couldn't stop thinking about him and that she wanted to leave me and so she did.. BTW reason she had to go live with him is cos her and her parents don't get along well and her parents home is too far away from her work..

We had a fight in that day and in the next days she didn't stop bugging me asking how i was saying she was concerned about me.. i asked her to let me alone..and she answer she wont never do that cos she only would be happy when i become happy..

After 2 months barely talking we went for a coffee.. we talked for a while and among other stuff she said guys wasn't much as she expected and that he was kind boring cos was always talking and among other stuff she didn't liked much in him.. in next day she agreed to come to my place ( mom on holidays in other country)and we end up having sex.. and she said she missed me alot and was wanting to do that for a long time.. few days after we met again and spend some time together... then she told me her bf decided to go see some other concert in France and would be away for 2 weeks.. she was pissed of and she start spending nights with me and end up spending most of the 2 weeks sleeping with me..during that time..we had very confusing conversations about our relationship..sometimes she would say she regret what she did and if she could go back in time she would stay with me.. other she almost asked to me and her go to other country and start over, other was the opposite and she said she like the guy even if she loves me and since she already knows me she was going to make an effort to be with him and with time learn to love him.. or that i deserved better and maybe in future we could get back..during this 2 weeks things were kind of ok.. first week was great but as more time passed and the closer the day to other guy comeback the more she start chatting with him on the phone and worse things got for us.. last day we were together she said she was feeling bad about what she did with him and with me and same time and wanted to remain faithfully and try to fix things up with him.. she off course didn't told him what happen , simply told him she was staying at her parents place..she stills calls or texts me everyday..and whenever she has a time off.. since rarely matches her bf she wants to go out with me ..but she avoids at all cost coming to my place.. now she keeps saying it him thats she wants as bf and me she wants as her best friend since i listen to her and understand her and she trusts me and she says she don't want to talk with her bf cos she is afraid he discover bad stuff about her and that she knows if she ever falls hard ill be there to help her pick her ..i already told her i wouldn't be her friend , that i would accept being second and that above all a bf or gf must be always your best friend and the person she most can rely on. ..

 

She seems confused..and divided.. and the other guy is "wining" cos well he works with her, she lives with him and like i said she cant go to her parents house..and cos she knows if we ever get back together will be hard and she will have to live with her parents and will have to see her current bf everyday at work..

 

I dunno what to do.. i just know i don't wanna be her friend.. sometime i think in just quiting talking with her in any way ..other to try to be with her since she already admitted she prefers my company than his..

 

any advices..

 

Also she always was a bit fragile psicologically and really stuborn, and also emotinally unstable ,also her childhood wasnt easy specially her relation with her father that even being kiind of a good person has the sensibility of peble rock..

[Owl]

First off...paragraphs and punctuation are your friend.

 

I skimmed through this and got a headache. It's really difficult to read without being broken down into manageable parts.

 

From what I've read, I'd suggest that you make a decision about what you will and won't accept in your life.

 

If you want her as a friend...then keep her as a friend only.

 

If you want her as more than a friend, and expect that to be a monogamous relationship...tell her so, and make it clear to her that you're NOT willing to waste your life while she tries to decide what to do.

 

The bottom line is...decide what YOU want out of this, and make it happen. Don't waste a ton of effort trying to get something that you won't be happy with in the end.

[Iconoclast]

What should i do? . and that she been staying at that guys place with his parents ..

 

Well, my friend. That was the end. You'll always be number two.

Find a job and a new girlfriend.

[Daniel89]

Theres not much point bringing your past into the future. Just look forward to the exciting things soon to beckon, it'll happen if you believe in yourself.

[LSNoob]

LOL:laugh:. I mean man don't you have any morals, dignity, or at least any self respect? Why you hanging out there sniffing like a homeless street dog sniffing around the backstreet rubbish bins?? Why you getting involved in sexual activities with a woman you know she got a bf? Don't you show respect towards others? Do you want others to respect you?. Why cant you get a new gf? You don't do so well with girls, am I right?

 

i already told her i wouldn't be her friend , that i would accept being second

Are you serious?:laugh: The reason why your woman left you, wasn't because of lack of attention. Nope it was not. I will explain.

 

See the thing is, women want men that are confident and can lead the way. They want to feel safe and secure. And we all know 2nd boy doesn't get the trophy wife, its golden boy, and with your personality no woman will settle with you.

 

Obviously those kinda personality (being the 2nd) don't show up in a person over night. They been there since you were a kid and I bet you all people in your life knows that you are a silverboy.

 

So given in your case; you were jobless:(, homeless:(, hopeless:(, fighting for benefits:(, your missus and mommy are the bread winners:(. and your 2nd-boy personality:(. Now who the hell on earth want to be with a messed up man like this???????????????:eek::confused:

 

Look this 2nd boy personality is really bad and it could be a much bigger issue than you might think. I mean, were you bullied in high school? Football players made fun of you in showers or something? Abusive parents? Bad college experience? Abused in past relationships by women? I mean why you aim for 2nd place? I mean if you are setting goals then might as well set them up to the max. Why leave it only one step away from being a winner?

 

So my advice to your question, "what should I do?". I really suggest you getting therapy help to boost your self esteem and confidence up.

 

After that, when you become a real man, go to that guy she works with and tell him what you did and apologize so he find someone that he deserves. Then for you, do you really want to be with a cheater? Try to get that girl help as well, after that you two go on your own separate ways. You both learned enough.

 

New man, new job, new woman and a fresh new life. You will love it. I promise you silverboy. Just messing with ya, wish you best of luck.

Edited July 7, 2010 by LSNoob

[Noctum]

sorry that was misspelling..i wanted to say wont be second..

 

I knwo what you mean.. being number 1 as been always my way.. but this time got difernt cos amount of feelings involved..

 

 

also i just got tired..

she says she likes my presence best, the sex with me is best ..

 

since 4 days ago i vbeen ignoring her calls..and if she starst txt asking why i just will say that we already say that we already talked all that was to be talked..

 

i got tired...tried of being down, tired of waiting.. tired of being put on hold..i never had a problem getting chicks and im workign hard to be back in shape..but let me tell ya is hard when u get humilated like this ..but eventually it will only get me stronger.. but good thing in being in the bottom of the pit is u can only go up..

[Noctum]

sorry that was misspelling..i wanted to say wont be second..

 

I knwo what you mean.. being number 1 as been always my way.. but this time got difernt cos amount of feelings involved..

 

 

also i just got tired..

she says she likes my presence best, the sex with me is best ..

 

since 4 days ago i vbeen ignoring her calls..and if she starst txt asking why i just will say that we already say that we already talked all that was to be talked..

 

i got tired...tried of being down, tired of waiting.. tired of being put on hold..i never had a problem getting chicks and im workign hard to be back in shape..but let me tell ya is hard when u get humilated like this ..but eventually it will only get me stronger.. but good thing in being in the bottom of the pit is u can only go up..

[LSNoob]

Oh, misspelling mistakes, gotta hate em.

 

but good thing in being in the bottom of the pit is u can only go up.

 

For the love of god, why you feeling at bottom of pit. Shouldn't be the poor bf. You were screwing other man's girl. That's not cool man.

 

So tell me, why the hell you in bottom of pit? Please don't tell me she raped you.

[Noctum]

Oh, misspelling mistakes, gotta hate em.

 

 

 

For the love of god, why you feeling at bottom of pit. Shouldn't be the poor bf. You were screwing other man's girl. That's not cool man.

 

So tell me, why the hell you in bottom of pit? Please don't tell me she raped you.

 

 

Well no job and lose gf..

 

Well he screwed my gf first ..so .. just giving a lil payback..

hard to get up when ur ego been hurt..when person u loved turned out to be such a bit**..

 

She been txt everydya in last weeks.. bene ignoring her..i wont be her back up.. just told her she made her chocie now she should deal with it..

I wont be her friends...so she migth as well move on and cos thast what im doing.. also ask her to not botehr to call me or txt cos i would just ignore..

I know if i keep talking she will end up having sex with me.. but for god sake.. why woudl i share a girl with some idiot when i cna get other and have a perfect(well none are perfect but u know what i mean) and stable relation with a girl.. isntea dof be waiting for otehr guy to mess up so my ex can come asking me for some sex..

[Binster]

Your doing the right thing, stay N/C . She's a slapper and your well rid of her. Let the other guy deal with the problems she's going to bring him. Let's be honest as soon as things dont go the way she want's she starts looking for a new bloke.

[jnj express]

Hey N. You don't have a relationship---all you were doing was shackin-up

 

Neither of you have any responsibility for the activites of the other

 

That responsibility only comes when you take sacred vows

 

So just go your merry way and stop beating yourself up

[U2RockZz]

you must be nuts for wanting to have a R with this lady...what is that you are smoking anyways