hesapirate Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So I have been in an LDR for the last 10 months. She lives in Japan I live in Canada, not exactly a weekend jaunt away. We have been together for 2 yrs 7 months and our relationship started in Toronto, continued in Japan and now is in LDR status. We talk on skype almost every day for about an hour, and things had been going well, but I feel like Ive hit a wall. We broke up before in the past when we were living together in Japan and our relationship even had some problems when we lived together in Toronto. There were times in Japan where she said she wanted to go to Australia to study English, and I thought it would be a chance for us to experience differnt things, but it never happened. We have grown a lot in our relationship and gotten much better about talking out our problems instead of just getting upset at each other and not speaking. In general terms I think we have a fairly healthy relationship. The trust level is great and the jealousy is basically nonexistant. Shes completely commited to this relationship and is willing to wait the 4 years until we can be togethr again (im in University at the moment). Recently (last few days) I have been feeling a lot of anxiety about the relationship and about my feelings towards her. I love and care for her very much, but my problem is Im a "maybe the grass is greener" type. When we broke up the last time I had a few flings as did she, which we talked about after getting back together, so no harm no foul. Neither of us has cheated on the other. But now being away from her for so long I lust after evry pretty woman I see. I just dont know if my feelings for her are really waning or if its just the lonliness. I mean I SAW the grass before, I know what its like, but I dunno, maybe Im cursed? Im sorry this is so jumbled, Im usually a better writer. Im just anxiousand writing down whats in my head. If anyone has some advice it would be great to hear it.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So on skype, do you guys use webcams? Because that will probably help a little bit, being able to see her. And I also want to ask, did you want to have flings when you were in person with her ever? If not, then just try to endure it. Yes, I know it's hard, but LDRs are hard by nature. We only do them because we really, really love the person. If you're not tempted while she's in person with you then you're just missing being physically intimate with her and having someone to hold. It's hard. I struggle in this area as well, but remember what she's like in person and just keep telling yourself that it's worth all the struggle. If you do feel tempted while in person with her, then I'd suggest analyzing yourself and your relationship with her and trying to get to the bottom of why you feel that way and trying to figure out if it's something you can live with or something that you can't (or something you can fix) and take action according. If you want to stay with her, just try to stay away from temptation as much as you can, keep reminding yourself about why you are in this relationship, try to be honest with her about this (it's better never to lie in a relationship, even if you two will fight), and keep yourself distracted in as many ways as you possible can.
carvidep Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 When you say "4 years until we can be togethr again" does that mean 4 years until you even get to pay a visit? or does it mean 4 years until you actually live together again? If it's until you get to visit one another, I'd say don't let that be the case. Put a week or two aside and one of you go visit the other, maybe every 6 months. Less time in between is even better. I understand that you two might be very busy, but in my opinion, if you really want it to happen, you can make it happen.
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