jackie4455 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Just for a little background, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years and have lived together for two. We've had our ups and downs like everyone, but for the most part we get along great and rarely fight. I've never suspected him of sneaking around until now, and it's not the kind of sneaking around you might assume. We were both on his computer today looking a few things up and I accidentally closed a tab, so I went to his history to re-open it and saw a gay dating website had been open earlier. I didn't say anything to him, I just clicked on what I had been looking for. I'm certain he must have seen the same thing I did because for the next few hours he became extremely affectionate. When I had some time alone, I typed in the website I had seen him on... this is the part I'm really embarrassed about, I'm not a jealous or sneaky person, but I created an account to be able to search for members and found his profile. He has nude pictures of himself excluding his face and a bio stating that he's interested in webcam chat and what his preferences in males are. If he is gay/bisexual, or just curious, this is a side of him I have never known. He shows no signs of being gay and we have no problems intimately or emotionally with each other as far as I know. On the one hand, I don't want to keep it to myself and never know what he's feeling about the situation. On the other hand, I don't want him to feel like I'm violating his privacy and spying on him. Should I confront him about this or assume he's just curious and let it go?
norajane Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 The man you live with, your bf of 5 years, has naked pictures of himself on a a gay dating site and is asking for webcam action with specific preferences in men. YES, you should discuss this with him and find out directly from him what this means.
Enchanted Girl Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 The snooping accusation is how most people try to get out of being in trouble and turn the tables on the other person like everything is their fault. If he starts accusing you of being a snoop, then say,"Maybe I am a snoop and we can work on that as well if you think we need to, but that doesn't negate the fact that you joined a gay dating site and have been doing sexual things online with other men. We still have to deal with that issue and talk about it, too." Because they try to put the focus on you to get it off themselves. Even if you are a snoop though, that just means you have two problems instead of one. Although I, by no means, think you are a snoop. I think it's natural what you did. Only someone who willing wanted to be stupid about their relationship wouldn't check up on it after having that kind of information thrown into their lap.
Maggotface Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I think snooping is a strong word in this case, you stumbled on the site by accident, your boyfriend was there to witness this. I know this is troubling but you must realize that what he is doing is cheating even though it is with other men. How would you feel if this was a straight sex website? You absolutely need to confront him, he will be embarassed but don't let him guilt trip you or make you feel like you need to be understanding, he's posting naked pictures of himself online for someone other than his partner. If you want to work through this tell him the websites need to go no questions asked, find out if he has cheated on you already with another man and look into couples counciling or maybe just personal counciling for him.
Daniel89 Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Quite an unusual story. Confronting him is something that should be done. You need to know why he is doing this. It's not a usual cheating story, and you need answers. Good luck.
kiss_andmakeup Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Of COURSE you have to talk to him about this! Not only does he have an active profile on a dating website with naked pictures of himself on it, it's a gay dating website. I wouldn't even know where to start. Could you really live with this relationship without talking to him about this? For all you know he could just be a repressed gay man trying to have a relationship with you for the sake of "saving face" (especially if his family or group of friends are conservative or religious).
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