djrim247 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 While at the beach with my family i discovered a photo on facebook of my girlfriend smoking a hookah and blowing it into another guys mouth (a little too close for comfort: about an inch or less). when i confronted her about it I basically stated my opinion by saying that it was a disrespectful thing to do no matter the circumstances and that i didnt deserve to be treated in that manner. I got a little sad(emotional) while on the phone so i quickly told her i didnt feel like talking and hung up before she had the chance for a full blown explanation ( i didnt wanna hear it).. morning comes and she calls me and we talk and she says that everyone she was with that night was doing it, everyone at the table was blowing smoke into eachothers mouths. she questions my trust for her, as do i. what should i do? tell me your sincere thought about the situation.. She says im over reacting, am i? she said that because everyone was doing it that it was okay for her to do it. P.S. everytime i look at the picture my heart seems to shatter into a billion pieces with the thought that she might of kissed this guy. Thank you very much for taking the time to help me.
Author djrim247 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Forgot to mention it was just two days before
Choboto Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 well you could ask her if all her friends were having sex without BFs, would she? peer pressure isnt an excuse to cheat. but people deserver one mistake. only the right thing to do since we arnt perfect.
that girl Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I get why you would be upset. But I also get how she could have done it and thought nothing of it. Unless you have some other reason to distrust her, I would chalk this up to lesson learned as long as she agrees not to do something like that again. It sounds like a good chance for a boundries talk too. People have different feelings when it comes to things like strippers, dancing closely with someone else, etc.
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 morning comes and she calls me and we talk and she says that everyone she was with that night was doing it, everyone at the table was blowing smoke into eachothers mouths. Laughable. I love how people put themselves in precarious positions when a camera is around, not fully thinking about the SO that isn't with them at the time. Facebook has been the death knell for many a relationship in the last few years and it's because it's finally revealing to us what people do when we aren't seeing them at the time. Next time someone uses the "Everyone's doing it"... you remove the word smoke out of that sentence and see how she responds. Apparently your girlfriend likes to be one of the sheep that's herded into a bad situation. Although personally, the fact that she even smokes makes her dumpable for me.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I agree, the smoking in peer pressure party atmosphere is what I'd be outraged against from my SO. I wouldn't care about the "wether he kissed her" idea. Likely didn't. All aboard the relationship train smoking queen. Abide by boundaries or GTFO
Author djrim247 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Sorry to have to ask, but you keep mentioning boundaries, does anybody mind ellaborating on what exactly Boundaries are?.. for example the last post they commented "abide by boundaries"what does that mean?
TaurusTerp Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Sorry to have to ask, but you keep mentioning boundaries, does anybody mind ellaborating on what exactly Boundaries are?.. for example the last post they commented "abide by boundaries"what does that mean? Boundaries are the lines that define what you can or cannot do in a relationship, and you should have that talk with her about what is cool and what isn't. FWIW, I've shotgunned (blowing smoke) with girls while I was/they were in relationships. I didn't even think anything of it at the time, but looking back yeah that probably wouldn't be cool with most people.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Wow, what your gf did sounds very unsanitary. Blecccch. Letting strange guys blow dirty smoke into her mouth or vice versa? OP maybe you should just get an ashtray and kiss that. At least it won't cheat on you.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 IMO, that's a very hot and INTIMATE thing to do. You are giving someone else your breath, and they are inhaling it. While in a relationship, I would never do it with anyone but my man (preferably with weed, during a kiss), and outside of a relationship, it would feel very flirtatious to me.
Shakz Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 I must be weird because as described I see nothing wrong in what she did.
marsle85 Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 (edited) I think the problem stems from your hyper-vigilance (as you were checking up on your GF via facebook... while you were on the BEACH) and her indifference to your jealousy. I, too- consider her actions rather quotidian, and only leaning towards flirtation. Never having been the jealous type, I enjoy a relative amount of freedom between my hypothetical partner and I... IMO, it gives the couple a chance to communicate and play with others- and mainly, learn about themselves and what they want in a relationship. As long as she didn't cheat emotionally or physically- I reckon she was simply INTERACTING with others, which I believe reflects apon your relationship amiably. If you can count on a partner being socially open, aware and benevolent-- and still remain faithful and honest... you have a great gal. It's important she's allowed/encouraged to ENJOY other men and women. For me, it's mainly drawn me closer to my guy... I notice what I have, and I love that he trusts me and has faith in our connection. Plus, I don't feel pressured or guilty for being a person with friends. Secondly, hanging up because "I didn't want to hear it" isn't good enough. A smart girl won't give you another chance. You don't have to like what she says, or agree with it... but you listen. Edited July 8, 2010 by marsle85
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