robdrm32 Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Ok i'll be blunt, I'm 24 shes 17. I've only been with 2 girls and loved them both so i'm not that kind of guy, we met through work. I have known her about a year 1/2. She's friends with my ex. Problem is i can't read her at all. At points she's a little flirty, she asks me to visit her at work every time she is there and wont let me leave when i do. She texts me every few days i'd say. I'm a good looking guy, we get along great, she's always happy to see me. Part of me thinks she likes me, part of me thinks she just likes the attention. Today I asked her to come to one of my soccer games, she says "Who am I going to bring? I don't have any friends (she has many). Don't you think it will be weird just me being there?" That tells me either shes not interested in me, or just not the soccer game itself. She mentions today a new guy she just started working with calls her/texts her alot (he's 22) and he asked her to the movies etc. I took it as sort of her trying to make me jealous, which it did. Normally i'd have asked a girl out at this point but she's young and I don't want to look like a creeper, even though she's gorgeous, and i'm thinking maybe she is just nervous around me sometimes because she likes me. Part of me says "just stay friends for now" is this the right approach? Will she think I have no confidence if I don't ask her out now? kind of lost
Author robdrm32 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Oh thought it worth mentioning, when i visited her about a week ago one of her friends showed up, we introduced and he said that "She talks about you all the time" so that was kind of flattering and confusing.
Krytie TV Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 You're an older guy. To a 17 year old high school student it's the best thing to have an "older guy" that you can talk about... a status thing. I personally cannot even fathom what a 24 year old could see in a 17 year old apart from a sex thing, but that's your thing. It's kinda creepy to me. Based on all that, I would say that leaving it alone is the best thing. Besides, aren't there statuatory laws in your state? If so, you would be breaking them.
that girl Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I'm not sure she is interested. She's a high school student and you're a grown man, there is a good chance she's just play flirting with you. Like she wants to hang out and teases you a little but doesn't see you as date material. And would it even be legal for you to date her?
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Can't you find someone your age, rather than dating someone who is still, essentially a child?
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 (edited) Australia age of consent = 16 (most states) Im 28 and I could date that 17 year old. I think it's stupid to assume that she is a "child". He didn't say he likes a 14-15 giggling schoolgirl and is concerned on legalities and her maturity. Canada age of consent = 16 most U.S states = 18 / *some* = 16 So anyway, to answer the point of the thread, as opposed to trying to jump on the "lets lecture this dynamic" bandwagon... I'd say she is using you for "practice" in luring older attractive males. She probably wants to know if her flirting is powerful to lure a guy to date her who is much older. She does likely only want the status and likes the attention of the potential dating. Totally up to you, but bottom line if it is illegal and someone concerned around her finds out (parents) thats a valid reason to consider the future on. Edited July 6, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Australia age of consent = 16 (most states) Im 28 and I could date that 17 year old. I think it's stupid to assume that she is a "child". He didn't say he likes a 14-15 giggling schoolgirl and is concerned on legalities and her maturity. It's not stupid to assume that at 28 you're maturity level is far beyond hers. She's essentially a CHILD. Mentally at 17, she is NOT on the same level that he is. I'm sorry, people can say that there are mature 17 years old, but at that point, they don't have the experience in life or relationships that most people have had at 24, yet alone 28. Age of consent doesn't equal age of adult maturity. Now THAT assumption is stupid.
Krytie TV Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Age of consent doesn't equal age of adult maturity. Now THAT assumption is stupid. Even at best, very mature for her age = 17.5-18 years old.
alyssatranswarrior Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 (edited) The age of consent examples is to make it clear to the extremist lecturing that not ALL countries and not all states in the US view 17 as legally offending. There is no breaking of any law if she is 17 in a country with 16+ consent. Development varies, I remember when in high school this girl from the UK came to the school, and it was like she was 30 years of age in her demeaner attitude and general perception of maturity. She was still flirtacious with guys but she seemed well above taking them seriously (was well above other girls) and hence no surprise this 17 year old was dating a guy in his mid 20's. There is no way you can prove this particular girl isn't like my example, or that my example is stupid. Edited July 6, 2010 by alyssatranswarrior
Diezel Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 My argument isn't the legality of the situation. That has NOTHING to do with what I am saying. Stop looking into that, because that's not where I am coming from. MENTALLY speaking a GIRL at 17... is nothing more than just that. It is VERY, VERY rare to find a CHILD at 17 who can compare with the maturity of a man in his mid 20's. They will not be on the same wavelength regardless of whether it is legal or not. At 17, she has hardly seen the REAL WORLD, which is something a 24 year old male (or in your case 28) has seen and endured. You can't honestly believe a girl that's 17 years old is just as mature as a 24 year old woman.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Normally i'd have asked a girl out at this point but she's young and I don't want to look like a creeper, even though she's gorgeous, and i'm thinking maybe she is just nervous around me sometimes because she likes me. Part of me says "just stay friends for now" is this the right approach? Will she think I have no confidence if I don't ask her out now? kind of lost Who cares what she thinks? She's a teenager, and you don't want to tie yourself to her in any way. Not only that, but she's connected to your work as well. The common sensical vibe in you that is saying "just stay friends" is the grounded one. IF by chance you're in the U.S., you would most likely be breaking the law when having sex with her, particularly IF (by chance) you are in a supervisory position over her. The risks and rewards don't make any pursuit of her worth it at this time.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Good responses all around, just a few things i'd like to retort with. 1. I no longer work with her. 2. She's in the National Honor society, and doing a bridge program to college in her senior year. 3. She has a great personality, good sense of humor, and no she isn't a ditzy high-school type girl, immaturity AT ANY AGE is a huge turn off for me don't care how cute a girl is if she comes across as immature or childish its a huge turn-off. 4. Why all the legal consent issues? That's assuming i want our relationship to be based on sex. If i just wanted sex i have other options... and i don't mind waiting the 4 months until she's 18. Yet with all that said, I know i need to let it go, while my intentions are good I am getting the impression she's just toying with me for the attention. Not to mention she needs to grow up, 17 is young. I think I just see how she is now and can picture how great she will be in just a few years and I don't want to miss out on that but I have to take the long-term approach.
vestigalvirgin Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 rob, young girls are extremely fickle. I think it's unrealistic for you to view this as more than perhaps a very temporary infatuation/dating relationship if it gets that far. There's no problem with you dating her if that's legal, but it would be a mistake for you to do so exclusively. Keep your other options wide open.
that girl Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Good responses all around, just a few things i'd like to retort with. 1. I no longer work with her. 2. She's in the National Honor society, and doing a bridge program to college in her senior year. 3. She has a great personality, good sense of humor, and no she isn't a ditzy high-school type girl, immaturity AT ANY AGE is a huge turn off for me don't care how cute a girl is if she comes across as immature or childish its a huge turn-off. 4. Why all the legal consent issues? That's assuming i want our relationship to be based on sex. If i just wanted sex i have other options... and i don't mind waiting the 4 months until she's 18. Yet with all that said, I know i need to let it go, while my intentions are good I am getting the impression she's just toying with me for the attention. Not to mention she needs to grow up, 17 is young. I think I just see how she is now and can picture how great she will be in just a few years and I don't want to miss out on that but I have to take the long-term approach. Pause for a second and think about this. What would you think about a 24 year old who was bragging how their significant other is currently in the National Honor Society? Doesn't it sound skeevy to you? Then we've got "I'll wait 4 months to **** her." I have no idea if this girl is a virgin or not, but just because someone turns 18 doesn't mean they are open for business. It isn't uncommon for 17-19 year old girls to date a guy for months and months without sex. Next we have "obviously she needs to grow up but I want to scout her for later." Seriously, dude? You're like half an inch away from To Catch a Predator.
Author robdrm32 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Pause for a second and think about this. What would you think about a 24 year old who was bragging how their significant other is currently in the National Honor Society? Doesn't it sound skeevy to you? Then we've got "I'll wait 4 months to **** her." I have no idea if this girl is a virgin or not, but just because someone turns 18 doesn't mean they are open for business. It isn't uncommon for 17-19 year old girls to date a guy for months and months without sex. Next we have "obviously she needs to grow up but I want to scout her for later." Seriously, dude? You're like half an inch away from To Catch a Predator. Umm mentioning someones accomplishments is now skeevy? Especially when those accomplishments might reflect a level of maturity? I see how you got the impression "i'll wait 4 months to **** her". My point was, my motivation for being with her wouldn't be the sex. Predator huh? So someone who works 2 jobs and went to school 2 nights a week, and happens to work with a younger girl is a predator? I'm sorry, after being in close contact with someone for an extended period of time, feelings tend to develop especially when i was single and a little lonely considering I had no free time. Yes i could have met girls through school but i'm not very outgoing, and its hard for me. Predators don't struggle with these situations, they don't care. I've been struggling with it for a while, so yeah i don't appreciate being alluded to as a predator when i'm the farthest thing from it.
that girl Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Umm mentioning someones accomplishments is now skeevy? Especially when those accomplishments might reflect a level of maturity? I see how you got the impression "i'll wait 4 months to **** her". My point was, my motivation for being with her wouldn't be the sex. Predator huh? So someone who works 2 jobs and went to school 2 nights a week, and happens to work with a younger girl is a predator? I'm sorry, after being in close contact with someone for an extended period of time, feelings tend to develop especially when i was single and a little lonely considering I had no free time. Yes i could have met girls through school but i'm not very outgoing, and its hard for me. Predators don't struggle with these situations, they don't care. I've been struggling with it for a while, so yeah i don't appreciate being alluded to as a predator when i'm the farthest thing from it. Being an emancipated minor raising a younger sibling would be an accomplishment that signifies wisdom beyond her age. National Honor Society means she is a smart high school student, not that a grown man should be trying to date her. Your motivation is sexually, which would be fine except for the fact that she is a high school student. Your expectations of waiting four months do not match her age. I think you hit the nail on the head though, you're lonely and shy so you're checking out the 17 year old who is friendly and nearby. Doesn't mean it is okay to go after her.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 2. She's in the National Honor society, and doing a bridge program to college in her senior year. 4. Why all the legal consent issues? That's assuming i want our relationship to be based on sex. If i just wanted sex i have other options... and i don't mind waiting the 4 months until she's 18. she needs to grow up, 17 is young. Dude, you very clearly just want to bang the living b'jeezus out of her. All we are telling you is that, at this time, it would be ILLEGAL to do so, regardless of "consent".
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