marsbars Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Just wondering if it is normal, to feel complete hatred and undying love towards the STBX all at the same time. It has been 2 months since we split and are just waiting for the paperwork to be final in another 3 months. Today she came to pick up or daughter and when I answered the door those two emotions swept over me at the same time. Usually it is one or the other. Does this mean that I am getting to a point in the grieving process? That I am getting closer to being able to move on more easily.
Butterflair Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 It's normal, it happens to me though I wouldn't say undying love but I do feel love and hate (anger). I've been separated for 8 months now, can't divorce for another 4. (stupid state law) So I sit in limbo thinking too much about how someone who claimed to love me hurt me so badly. I love the man he was but hate the man he IS. Every day is one step closer to healing and moving on.
spriggig Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Gee, just two emotions? Try anger, sadness, confusion, love, mistrust, apathy, nostalgia... Yes, all at once and in varying degrees whenever I have to see her (to transfer the kid). I'm seven months from D-Day and about three weeks from filing for divorce. It's much better now than it was four months ago, just after she moved out. Then, I could count on 30 minutes of raging/crying/laughing at the absurdity after every contact (always alone, never in front of her or our son). I actually dug one of our framed wedding pictures out of a box and put it back on the wall "where it belonged" while calling her the "c-word". Oy! Normal? Almost cliche, I think. But, it does get better as time goes by.
Author marsbars Posted July 7, 2010 Author Posted July 7, 2010 Well all those emotions are there, usually not all at once. But it seems that she is doing a good job of pissing me off more and more so it is getting easier to deal with it.
spriggig Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Well all those emotions are there, usually not all at once. But it seems that she is doing a good job of pissing me off more and more so it is getting easier to deal with it. My google-fu fails me, but not too long ago there was a news story about how anger can fight off depression during a breakup. My concern when reading it was that while that would seem to work, you run the risk of becoming bitter after too much anger and while you're angry, you can't learn anything from the experience. But, yeah, it's good to get angry once in a while.
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