Desparo Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) My story - I had been with an amazing girl for 4 years when she decided to call it quits. The first 2/3 years were bliss and she seemed incedibly happy. I was coming close to finishing my university degree and hoping to start earning some good money and she was climbing the ladder in her respective career path. Our sex life was also incredible, and we generally had that feeling. The one when you can't wait to read their next text, or see their smile again. It began to go abit off when we moved in together. I hadn't been able to pick up a related job after graduating so she was basically funding a large majority of our spending. I became lazy in my attitude to her. The flat was owned by her mother, who tended to be really controlling (She'd phone 3 times per day and use the place as a stop off whenever she felt neccessary, regardless of my plans - She lived out of town). Anyway, because i never felt the place was mine i tended to be quite complacent. As the relationship moved into the middle of its last year things began falling apart. She started going back to her mums and going out with friends nearly every weekend and i'd stay at ours and go out with my friends. We started constantly argueing over everything. Anyway, she's just recently dumped me and i feel terrible. I've let her down so much in the past with my lazy attitude. Some examples are : Not going to see her family because i can't be bothered with the journey( and she'd constantly ask me to go home with her), Not inviting her out when i went out with friends because i didnt think they'd get along (and all she wanted was to meet them and do things with me), Denying an interest in having children (even though we'd made plans/names etc) out of spite. She was so so good to me. She'd do anything for me. She showered me with gifts and did everything to make me happy. The thing that eats me up is the way she used to love me, worship me, the ay she'd look at me and smile ( and how happy it made me feel), and how i constantly threw it back in her face. I love her so much and feel i can't live without her. I've made so many mistakes. I'm dead inside, moving from A to B without pruprose or care. Everything i see is her, everything i smell is her. Everything i see and touch is her. I ruined everything and she no longer believes i can change. She thinks we've "grown apart" but i know that the reason for this is purely down to my lack of commitment and effort. I'd give her everything. I'd give everything for her. I'm an empty soul without her. I know she's moved on already (a week and 4 days), and is seeing a guy (whom she was ofriends with before we split but has said nothing went on until after as she respected me too much - and i believe her) and despite having days where i'm up and positive, when i've been out and pulled - it jsut felt so empty can't agree more with "It takes more than ****ing someone to keep yourself warm". i just cant cope on days like this. I love her so much and although i'm perhaps being selfish in believing that i could again make her happier than anyone in the world, all i want is for her to have the best life possible. She is my star. This pain is not worth it. The NC isnt really working as all my stuff is at the place where as im at my parents atm. I've tried filling my days -with so much. It jsut doesnt help. I realise shes already moved on and that i need to do the same. I'm really trying to get myself on track. I've been accepted for postgraduate course and its to be funded and i'm starting to hit the gym regularly. But it all seems so pointless and empty when all i want is to hold her and keep her safe. My head is a mess at the moment. I wish she knew how much hurt i'm feeling right now. She seems to be breezing through it. It's hurting so much because i now realise how special she is. I'm struggling so much. Edited July 5, 2010 by Desparo
Confused728 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I feel that in my relationship i was in the position of your GF. I adored my ex loved him, i think he had a drug problem.. you will have to read my other post for that long story lol.. but he took me for granted..I always tried to look out for him, loved being with him, gave him so much affection.. he was very affectionate when we first started dating but then i was always the giver.. I hope he is going threw the same thing as u and not to sound cruel but if she was there and good to you why did u treat her so bad? I hated when my ex didn't include me in things and made me feel left out.... My ex wanted to stay friends but i cut that off.. I want him to feel the pain and let him see what his poor choices caused. When i spoke with him months ago he said he was sorry for everything he did and that he compared everyone he met to me.. But i dont know where that got me but I cut him off... Im still bothered.. but i really hope he now knows what he lost... sometimes we think the grass is greener on the other side.. and people think they can do better.. only to see how it really is when its to late..
Author Desparo Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 My only explanation is that i've been spoilt as a child. I was well looked after in house and never expected to do any housework etc. Please dont think that i completely neglected her. I was an excellent BF for a long time, but just ended up in a rut in life in general in our last year together, which rubbed off in my attitude. I appreciate that i made many mistakes but it's highly unlikely that a relationship claspes purely on the basis of 1 persons actions. This is the hardest lesson i have ever learnt. I want to/ and will show her i can change. I'm going to a make a success of myself, get some personal drive. I love her, i will give her space, the space that will undoubtedly result in me losing her forever. A thought that brings pain and tears everytime.
nihilanth100 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 It takes two to tango in a relationship, so she might have done her share of things too. What matters is the fact that you have to accept is that the relationship is over. This is the hardest lesson i have ever learnt. I want to/ and will show her i can change. I'm going to a make a success of myself, get some personal drive. I love her, i will give her space, the space that will undoubtedly result in me losing her forever. A thought that brings pain and tears everytime."Don't try to show HER you will change, show YOURSELF. You're on the right track with wanting to make a success of yourself. This will help the moving on process. This lesson learned can be applied to future relationships whether its with a new girl or a reconciliation with your ex. It will only make them better.
Recommended Posts