No oral

[DontWorryBHappy]

So my boyfriend is Jamaican. He told me that he's never given oral sex and may never try it because it is taboo in Jamaica... so that's just how he was raised. I did a little research and it appears he is telling it like it is.... Oral sex is indeed frowned upon by most in Jamaica, although people still do it (but they tend to not talk about it or hide it if they do). So he does not give and also never asks for it because he knows that wouldn't be fair to. He does like to please me in every other way he can and does make me feel good, but lately I'm starting to feel constricted when I think about how I may never have oral again? I suppose I need to decide how important it is for me.... but I guess it's a bad thing if I find myself longing to experience it again while I'm with him. There are so many things I really like about him... I'm not sure what I should do. What would you do?

[SilentVoice]

"no gyal can't sit down pon me head

if a gyal try dat she dead

she have to run me cocky red red red"

 

That is a real quote from a real song... :-)

 

Do you guys plan to go advertise the fact that he is going down on you?

Tell him he is no longer in Jamiaca.

Tell him about how it good it may feel for him to receive as well as yourself.

 

And if he still can't get over this taboo bull... Leave him

 

 

[DontWorryBHappy]

Lol I dont completely understand what the song is sayin... I'm still workin on understanding Jamaican.. haha. From what I read it does seem like there are Jamaican men who will do it, but they dont advertise. I'm just thinking since he has NEVER tried it and since Jamaica is all weird about it, he's obviously not jumping to do it. Do you think I should bring it up right away and let him know how I feel? Or wait until were together again? (but that might not be til the weekend... and I'm afraid I'll be acting weird until then because this is bothering me). He already has let me give him oral and he enjoys it. The thing is that he does not ASK for it because he knows he won't give it. I just chose to do it for him because I wanted to. Unfortunately, my own wanting for it has not subsided .

[norajane]

Has he ever tasted you? Like, maybe he was fingering you and then licked his fingers to add some natural lubrication?

 

Maybe you can suggest he do that...guys usually are really into how women taste...that might make him more curious about the whole oral thing.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Nope he never has. Pretty sure that is connected to him not wanting to give oral... probably.

[SilentVoice]

Lol I dont completely understand what the song is sayin... I'm still workin on understanding Jamaican.. haha. From what I read it does seem like there are Jamaican men who will do it, but they dont advertise. I'm just thinking since he has NEVER tried it and since Jamaica is all weird about it, he's obviously not jumping to do it. Do you think I should bring it up right away and let him know how I feel? Or wait until were together again? (but that might not be til the weekend... and I'm afraid I'll be acting weird until then because this is bothering me). He already has let me give him oral and he enjoys it. The thing is that he does not ASK for it because he knows he won't give it. I just chose to do it for him because I wanted to. Unfortunately, my own wanting for it has not subsided .

Haha I am sorry ... I was under the impression that you spoke fluent patois.

 

"no gyal can't sit down pon me head (No girl can sit down on my head)

if a gyal try dat she dead (if a girl try that she is dead)

she have to run me cocky red red red"(this last part I am not to sure .. but I know it is very unpleasant ... lol I am not Jamaican)

 

You should bring it up as soon as possible. No reason to wait.

Don't play no games " I won't do it to him , if he won't do it to me."

Just explain to him that you guys are sexual with each other you both have to do things for each other.

 

No reason for an ultimatum... If he says no and you can't deal with that it might as well be over.

Or you can just live with it.

 

But from my point of view it just a pride thing in Jamaica.

[norajane]

Nope he never has. Pretty sure that is connected to him not wanting to give oral... probably.

 

Ask him to try it, for you. Ask him to try it because he might really, really like it.

 

You do have to talk to him and find out how firm he is on this taboo thing. Lots of people actually like breaking taboos...they think it's naughty and that adds to the fun!

[DontWorryBHappy]

Sigh... I'm trying to decide if this should break us up if he is not willing to try...

[Ruby Slippers]

What would you do?

I would not be in a romantic relationship with no oral sex. If he's not interested in doing it, I would chalk it up to a cultural difference and move on.

[Corporate]

Are you black?

[Engadget]

Welcome to the guy's world, where many women will only give oral once in a great while or not at all.

[DontWorryBHappy]

No i'm not black.. but I'm with a black guy. oh, and I'm talking to him about this online as we speak. Sucks for me. : (

[Diezel]

Dear OP:

 

My current LTR has never done oral, never will.

But she's great in bed and is willing to try anything with toys/positions.

 

She's a great listener, very sweet, very honest. She has her head firmly planted on her shoulders and has a bright career ahead of her. Her mortgage is paid off and has no other forseeable debt.

 

She'll call me just to say that she misses me and if anything has happened to me, she'd be by my side in a heartbeat.

 

 

Do you really think I miss oral THAT much?

Yet, I always give it to her, with zero expectations, because I truly enjoy it. If there ever comes a day that she wants to try it, she is more than welcome... but as long as everything else in our relationship is in balance... why would I break up a relationship based on that alone?

 

He said it's cultural. No matter WHAT you try to convince him, he'll firmly hold onto that, and I'm sorry, but anyone that calls BS on ANYTHING cultural, really needs to open up their mind to the world a little more. What you think might be BS in your world, might be a taboo in his and you MUST respect his wishes.

 

If you cannot, then maybe he needs a better person to be with.

 

Weigh your priorities.

[SilentVoice]

Dear OP:

 

My current LTR has never done oral, never will.

But she's great in bed and is willing to try anything with toys/positions.

 

She's a great listener, very sweet, very honest. She has her head firmly planted on her shoulders and has a bright career ahead of her. Her mortgage is paid off and has no other foreseeable debt.

 

She'll call me just to say that she misses me and if anything has happened to me, she'd be by my side in a heartbeat.

 

 

Do you really think I miss oral THAT much?

Yet, I always give it to her, with zero expectations, because I truly enjoy it. If there ever comes a day that she wants to try it, she is more than welcome... but as long as everything else in our relationship is in balance... why would I break up a relationship based on that alone?

 

He said it's cultural. No matter WHAT you try to convince him, he'll firmly hold onto that, and I'm sorry, but anyone that calls BS on ANYTHING cultural, really needs to open up their mind to the world a little more. What you think might be BS in your world, might be a taboo in his and you MUST respect his wishes.

 

If you cannot, then maybe he needs a better person to be with.

 

Weigh your priorities.

I say it is B.S when it comes to this situation .The reason I say this is because manymen in my culture and many other West Indie countries have this same frame of mind when it comes to performing oral sex.

 

This is not like asking someone to worship a different God. You are asking someone to please someone that loves them. I am guessing the only reason he doesn't want to engage in the behavior because he doesn't want to seem like a punk to his friends. So when it comes down to it the "cultural" thing is Bull.

 

No offense to the O.P but it seems as he is already dating already outside of his culture -- he really can't be that caring about culture.

 

Best of luck with your conversation O.P.

 

Corporate not all Jamaicans are black....sigh

[Engadget]

I say it is B.S when it comes to this situation .The reason I say this is because manymen in my culture and many other West Indie countries have this same frame of mind when it comes to performing oral sex.

 

This is not like asking someone to worship a different God. You are asking someone to please someone that loves them. I am guessing the only reason he doesn't want to engage in the behavior because he doesn't want to seem like a punk to his friends. So when it comes down to it the "cultural" thing is Bull.

 

No offense to the O.P but it seems as he is already dating already outside of his culture -- he really can't be that caring about culture.

 

Best of luck with your conversation O.P.

 

Corporate not all Jamaicans are black....sigh

 

I have met people who have this mindset, and it seems to be believed that giving a woman oral sex somehow makes them less of a man. I've seen it in some people in the puerto rican community, although many don't seem to have a problem with it as well.

 

I think it's to do with being manly, and doing that seems to them to make them subservient to the woman, or they're her bitch or something. I don't get it but some people see it that way.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Well I told him how I felt about it... tried to be as gentle as possible by saying that I don't want to disrespect his culture in any way, but I also didn't want to keep this to myself. Told him that it had been getting to me lately and wished he would try it.. although I'm not trying to force anything. Told him that if he is very serious about not wanting to try it, I would have to decide how important it is to me.

 

He responded by saying that's something I'll need to decide, because he is very serious about it, and it's how he's been all his life.

 

In the end I told him I didnt need time to decide... that I wouldn't break this thing up for that because he makes me feel good in other ways... and said I wouldn't mention it anymore. The thing is.. him and I get along so well. I'm extremely attracted to him, he cares a lot about how I feel, is a gentleman, and has so many wonderful qualities. I don't want to give all that up for this one thing.

 

The reason I brought it up was because I thought *maybe* he'd be willing to try it if he knew that I'd really enjoy it... but nope. I'm thinking this is also the reason he's never tasted me at all by fingering then licking his finger.. I guess maybe because tasting me is also connected to the oral sex thing. But I'll probably ask about that once just to be sure. Oh well... at least I brought it up.

[norajane]

Can you have an orgasm without oral sex? Do you come from penetration alone? A LOT of women cannot.

 

Otherwise, it's not just the oral you will miss, but actual orgasms.

[alphamale]

... I'm not sure what I should do. What would you do?

no oral = no relationship

[SincereOnlineGuy]

So my boyfriend is Jamaican. He told me that he's never given oral sex and may never try it because it is taboo in Jamaica...

 

 

I'm not sure what I should do. What would you do?

 

 

This is simple, don't have sex with him in Jamaica.

 

 

Elsewhere, insist he go down on you or not-so-politely D.T.M.F.A. !!!

[Corporate]

No i'm not black.. but I'm with a black guy. oh, and I'm talking to him about this online as we speak. Sucks for me. : (

 

What is your ethnicity?

[DontWorryBHappy]

I'm white.

 

I believe him that it's a cultural thing because of the way he acts outside of the bedroom. I can see that he's a very kind person who wants to make every effort to make me happy, is very hard-working and responsible, and all of those things. It's just that he won't do that one thing because of how he was raised. I guess some people just have their hang-ups. I realize that by staying with him I am forgoing oral sex. But I'm willing to do so because he *does* make me orgasm in other ways (either with his hands or by rubbing himself against me... which he always takes time to do). I normally orgasm before he does, it's just that oral sex is a different kind of feeling (as I'm sure I dont have to explain) and I've been missing it lately. HOWEVER, I would miss him more if I were to break it off. If we do break up it will be for something else.... not this.

 

As a side note, penetration hurts for me and I'm trying to sort that out. Especially deep penetration. If anyone has any advice for that let me know.

[norajane]

Hurts how, exactly?

 

Like he's rubbing along your vaginal walls? Not enough lubrication.

 

Like he's hitting your cervix (located at the back end of your vagina)? Shallower strokes, or try different positions where he can't get so deep (try on your side with him coming in from behind, or you on top while he's lying or sitting so you can control the depth.

[DontWorryBHappy]

I always make sure it's well lubricated so that can't be it. The in and out motion can hurt though... and when he goes deep it feels like a jabbing in there. Unfortunately he likes it deep the bes and usually tries to have me do positions that make it deep. He says he can only finish from the back (doggie style) I guess because he can go in deeper and faster. I need to talk to him about this too but didn't bring it up the same time as the oral sex thing....

[norajane]

You HAVE to tell him when he's hurting you.

 

The jabbing is him hitting your cervix. Very painful, more so during certain times of the month. He needs to not go so deep!

 

And the in and out is lack of lubrication. It can dry up during sex, so you have to add more. Try a silicone based lube instead of water based - it won't dry out or get sticky.

[DontWorryBHappy]

I do... but it's hard to do it at all without it hurting me. So he knows i'm uncomfortable a lot of the time... I've been guilty of gritting my teeth and bearing the pain.