zippy's login Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Sorry I have not posted in a while but like most I've been dealing with a lot. In a couple I will be single again. It's been a long 5 months since my STBX left me and the kids. Many ups and downs. The kids have been through a lot but they seem to be doing pretty well. I managed to retain primary custody of the kids as well keep the house and most of the $$$ (yes I know how lucky I am since most fathers get the opposite). I've lost 30 lbs and am in the best shape I've been in years. I've been doing very well at moving on from her until this week. I guess with the divorce about to be final I've taken an emotional drop. Steep drop. LIke I'm starting over. I guess it's the realization that it really is over even if I already knew it. I really feel lonely. Is this what usually happens?
Gunny376 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Sorry I have not posted in a while but like most I've been dealing with a lot. In a couple I will be single again. It's been a long 5 months since my STBX left me and the kids. Many ups and downs. The kids have been through a lot but they seem to be doing pretty well. I managed to retain primary custody of the kids as well keep the house and most of the $$$ (yes I know how lucky I am since most fathers get the opposite). I've lost 30 lbs and am in the best shape I've been in years. I've been doing very well at moving on from her until this week. I guess with the divorce about to be final I've taken an emotional drop. Steep drop. LIke I'm starting over. I guess it's the realization that it really is over even if I already knew it. I really feel lonely. Is this what usually happens? I don't know if you've ever been through a hurricane or typhoon but you go out and pick up and make the best of it?
worlybear Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I know how you feel . I've just reached the wonderful decree nisi stage (last week) and I wandered about in a state of low level depressed shock all week. I think ,personally its a massive reality check. Your head understands the need to finish the marriage but it is a real drawing of the line under all your shared dreams and ambitions with your partner, an acceptance that life will never be the same again- and it sucks big time. Like you, I too am re-building my life, losing weight, exercising and having positive times with my kids- its just different. Different to what we'd planned over our marriage. The dream was that we would live by the sea with just our youngest daughter.(Older kids grown up.) The reality is ex H is living our dream with ow and HER kid. I never thought and always hoped there would be a way back. But there isn't.
worlybear Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Forgot to add- Am going on a date though- so life will carry on!
imagine Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hi Zippy, you need time to grieve over the loss of your wife. Your kids will need your attention. Make sure that you be there for them. Be careful not to introduce any ladies to them, it will be unfair to the lady as well as the kids. I would not pursue the life of your xW, this would strain your heart. I gather that xWW will discover her error fairly soon. Take time to learn how to build a happy marriage that you will not fall into the same trap. Check the articles at marriage builders.com. I guess we are your companions for now.
Author zippy's login Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Hi Zippy, you need time to grieve over the loss of your wife. Your kids will need your attention. Make sure that you be there for them. Be careful not to introduce any ladies to them, it will be unfair to the lady as well as the kids. I would not pursue the life of your xW, this would strain your heart. I gather that xWW will discover her error fairly soon. Take time to learn how to build a happy marriage that you will not fall into the same trap. Check the articles at marriage builders.com. I guess we are your companions for now. Thanks. I understand that it's too soon for the kids (they are teens) to see me with someone else and I really don't want to get involved with anyone yet. Too bad that the STBX does not see it that was and has moved in with the OM.
imagine Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Zippy what your xW may have done was have an exit affair. She needed someone, anyone to break from you. This is a woman thing. Cheating can never be justified. Neglect, non communication: these are things that accelerate the breakdown of marriage. Take time to evaluate any part that you may have had a share.
alphamale Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I've lost 30 lbs and am in the best shape I've been in years. that should help you out with the chicks
cavedweller Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Zippy, Hang in there..There is life after divorce.
What_Next Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 I wish you nothing but the best. It sounds like you are beginning the road to recovery. It has already been mentioned but DO NOT rush into any new relationships and be sure the person you have chosen is right before introducing anyone to your children.
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