ALombard Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Hello once again LS! Once again I am sitting at work (it's 6:11 AM here by the way) and I am a good day (been in a slump for the last week, maybe because of the holiday weekend, who knows). Anyway, I have been noticing A LOT of threads on here dealing with "hope", so I am here to knock a few heads and clear some things up. So, here we go! For those who have followed my progress through my posts in the last 2 monhts you will know that I am not new to the heartbreak regalia. In fact I unfortunately let myself be taken through that "gauntlet" many times, with the same girl. If I hadn't actually FOLLOWED the advice given to me numerous times on this website I would probably still be sitting in my bed, not eating, not doing much of anything but thinking about my ex and how "great" life was with her, etc. Now back to the subject. For all of you who keep asking about "hope" I have to wonder why? Most of the posts I read when it comes to this subject involve the poster being dumped and not only that it seems like the dumper usually moves on. So why can't you? You see, the question being asked is always "Is there hope?". The simple answer is, "of course there is hope." Plain and simple, there it is, the answer you have all been wanting! But before you jump the gun and get your hopes up understand this...there's hope everywhere you look in life. Is there hope that someone can survive cancer? Of course. Is there hope that you can win the lottery? Of course. Is there hope that you will live to be 100? Of course!!! See what I am trying to point out here is that asking a question like, "is there hope?" has too much of a grey area even if it is dealing with your current relationship status. The one thing I am going to ask is, if you are going to ask a silly question such as, "is there hope?" why not gear that question to something more beneficial to you like, "is there hope that I will get over my ex and meet someone 100x better than they ever were and I will be super happy for a long time?" Because honestly if you do that you won't be in so much pain anymore. To end this I am going to say this once again. I KNOW BEING SINGLE SUCKS RIGHT NOW! Holy sh*t do I know! I went through such a crazy 3 weeks after my ex left me I never thought I'd get out of it but when people here tell you that in time you will feel better WE ARE NOT LYING! SO STOP! STOP PINING, STOP CRYING, STOP SITTING AROUND WAITING! And most of all stop contacting your ex, or meeting up with them hoping things will all of a sudden snap back to your version of "normal" because what you have to realize people is that they are gone. Maybe not for good, but for the time being they are. Think about it, say they do come back ONE DAY. That could be months or even years down the road and they will have so much experience under their belt and believe me they are NOT going to want to come back to you if you are still the same person they broke up with, example; controlling, needy, emotional, cheater, etc. SO TAKE THIS F*CKING OPPORTUNITY YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN AND GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE? FINE GO DO SOME FUN THING, TRAVEL, GO BACK TO SCHOOL, DO SOMETHING! AND PLEASE DON'T HOLD ONTO HOPE OF THEM COMING BACK BECAUSE YOU WILL MOST LIKELY MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MEET ANOTHER GREAT PERSON! sorry about the caps, this stuff gets me a little heated sometimes. Peace and Love. A.L.
feelinggood Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I love your thread, A.L.! I've been doing my own things and having fun but I'm still staying in contact with him. And he's back now. Well he didn't exactly say that he wants me back, but he told his friend that he has the intention of getting me back, and he has always been telling me how regretful he is for doing stupid things and he has this nostalgic period. I don't know what does he mean actually. Should I continue talking to him? Or is he just talking to me cause he's lonely?
BiAxident Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I admire your enthusiasm for expressing hope. However, bear in mind that to those of us who aren't so fortunate to have a job to go to in the morning, your advice doesn't work so well. Do something fun? Travel? Go back to school? These things require $$$. Hell, even romantic relationships require money, I can barely afford the gas to go see the woman I'm pining over. Again, I appreciate you spreading the positivity, just please bear in mind that some of us cannot follow these suggestions, and it really sucks, especially after a year of looking for work.
DustySaltus Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Good post Al. Hope- the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. We often equate hope with our relationships but what we all should be hoping for is clarity and peace within ourselves. When that is a achieved everything else will fall into place.
HopeLove Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I know what asking if there's hope is a silly question because noone can really tell, but there's a reason for such a question. When you find in such a situation you can't think clear, you want that somehow someone tells you yes, there's hope and what you should do. Is like crying for help and comprehension. Even though my life goes on and I try to keep myself as busy as I can, I still think every single day of him and is not easy to ignore your feelings.
Author ALombard Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 So here are responses to my post. Feelinggood. I don't really know your situation but it seems like you are in a great place right now. As far as taking your ex back based on what you told me I wouldn't do it. I say this only because if he hasn't come out and told you himself than he might just being having a lonely period in life and when you're lonely it always seems to be your most recent ex that you think of. Also, after all the crap I went through with my ex I really don't suggest getting back with an ex. It will be good a for a short while but eventually if enough time hasn't passed for you two to both work your issues that led to the break up it will end in just another split. BiAxident I think you have me all wrong here. I was just stating that holding onto hope that your ex will one day come back is the BIGGEST waste of energy. You say you have no job and no money? Well stop using the money you have to see your ex!! Also take all the energy you put into missing her and trying to get her back and use it to really go out and look for a job. Once you focus on yourself and bettering yourself you will be fine. Hopelove. Not much to say, you're doing the right thing by keeping busy. You will get over him one day and the great thing is after you do a whole new world of possibility and potential will be open to you. To everyone. I understand that being dumped feels like you have just been gutted alive. It's not fun, no one ever said it was. But the one thing all of you must understand is that the more you think about them and the more you grieve the loss the more it will wear on you. Understand that there is a huge world out there. Money or not make your life into what you want it to be. If you want to be miserable and lonely go for it, but for those of you who actually want to be happy understand that it's really up to you on how long it takes for you to move on. Peace and love. A.L.
BiAxident Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 BiAxident I think you have me all wrong here. I was just stating that holding onto hope that your ex will one day come back is the BIGGEST waste of energy. You say you have no job and no money? Well stop using the money you have to see your ex!! Also take all the energy you put into missing her and trying to get her back and use it to really go out and look for a job. Once you focus on yourself and bettering yourself you will be fine. But, you see, my ex DID come back! Not only that, but she stated that the reason she left me in the first place was eliminated by the experience she had gained from dating other men! She wanted me for me! I've really gone out and looked for a job, believe me. Informational interviews, job fairs, trade groups, you name it I've tried it. In a way, I'm not sure which is worse, the pain from twisting in the wind over my ex, or the pain of not finding a job. If I HAD a job, I could go out and socialize, buy some new clothes, etc, etc. I admit there is always hope, but after I've sent out hundreds of resumes, had a few interviews, and a year has gone by, hope begins to fade, you know? Thank god/goodness for this website, that is for sure, I dont know where I would be without it. And again, let me reiterate, thanks for bringing the positivity. I guess for now I just need to vent.
feelinggood Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 So here are responses to my post. Feelinggood. I don't really know your situation but it seems like you are in a great place right now. As far as taking your ex back based on what you told me I wouldn't do it. I say this only because if he hasn't come out and told you himself than he might just being having a lonely period in life and when you're lonely it always seems to be your most recent ex that you think of. Also, after all the crap I went through with my ex I really don't suggest getting back with an ex. It will be good a for a short while but eventually if enough time hasn't passed for you two to both work your issues that led to the break up it will end in just another split. A.L. He's actually in another country now. We were on LDR for 1 year and he mixed with the wrong group of friends and wanted a wild life before uni ends. I broke up with him and he went out with the hottest girl in uni after few days. Now they have broken up cause the girl is a trouble maker and made the whole group of friends to go against him. So he's regretting all the stupid things he has done now. I'm heartbroken to see him so depressed, so I supported him through his exams and upset days. He hinted that whenever I'm there he feels calm. And he's willing to do everything I asked him to do, like shouting something stupid in the middle of the city. Anyway, I won't rush into things so quickly. And I agree that getting back together too soon will only lead to another split. So I'm taking my time to try something new, enjoy my single life and do whatever I've always wanted to do. So I will just see what happens when he comes back, which is end of this year. He promised to buy me gifts
HeavenOrHell Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Great post A.L! I fell apart for 6 months after my ex left after 18 years a year ago, hoped he would come back, long story short, I finally went NC and I started to move on and accept it was 100% over, I got my life back together, and I have met someone new and feel happier than I have for a long time. You have to let go of that hope and live your life.
Shakz Posted July 8, 2010 Posted July 8, 2010 Good post Al. Hope- the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. We often equate hope with our relationships but what we all should be hoping for is clarity and peace within ourselves. When that is a achieved everything else will fall into place. Well said, DS. Actually, in the final analysis, hope is all we really have. We can survive for a few weeks without food, a few days without water, a few minutes without air, but not even a few seconds without hope. It is in what we place our hope that makes all the difference.
Shakz Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I really like your post Shakz! I'm glad, HL. I wish I could take credit for it, but this is ancient wisdom.
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Movie quote from Shawshank Redemption "Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well."
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