situation and solitude is KILLING me.

[my body is a cage]

hi. im back again. i dont use this website that often, and have been on it with a lot of issues in the past before... for a while ive been addressing a lot of my own psychological issues (extreme anxiety, etc) and ive been doing pretty well. however, right now i am alone and living in a foreign country doing an internship (im 21) and killing myself over this situation that may or may not be a problem at all. i feel like the solitude is driving me crazy, and reversing any of the progress ive started making in the last 6 months, and would appreciate any advice anyone had.

 

so heres the situation: a couple of weeks before leaving, i met a guy at school. although i was skeptical at first because i knew of his own emotional issues (had a mental breakdown a couple of months ago, dropped out of college, cant seem to get his act together and do anything...), as bad as he is on paper he was WONDERFUL in person, and is friends with all of my friends and very well liked. he treated me with the utmost respect, and we got along extremley well. everyone commented that the connection seemed real, that he seemed to think i was really special, etc..

 

after school ended, he sold his camera to come visit me in my hometown. we had a really nice couple of days with him, in which i grew more attached to him. he had to leave the day before my birthday even though he had really wanted to stay because he didnt have enough money left. i cried when he left, in front of him. he had even got his passport (hes never left the country before) and said he was going to come visit me in the country im in.

 

now, im alone here and ive never felt more alone in my life. after the guy left, we texted and talked on the phone a lot, but i left the country and my phone doesnt work. we emailed back and forth a little initially, and he always responded warmly to my facebook things, but the last real email i got from he said he had gotten the passport but didnt know if he was going to be able to make it because his parents were forcing him to get his act together. i doubted that he was going to come visit, because he had to sell his camera to come visit me, and doesnt have a job...

 

i called him about a week and a half ago to say hi because i hadnt really heard from him in a while. he was watching a 9 hour tennis match with his friends but we still talked for a while. he still hasnt gotten a job, and seems to just hang out with his friends and watch sports all the time... he seemed happy to hear from me, was really nice on the phone, said he still really wanted to come visit (to my surprise). he also said that if i hadnt heard from him in a while, to call him when i knew when i was coming back or something like that, which was a little strange.

 

now i emailed him a almost a week ago saying it was nice to talk to him, asking him a little about what he had been doing , and letting him know when i was coming back and asking if he thinks he'll make it over before then. i havent gotten a response.

 

why do you think he hasnt responded to the email? does it even mean anything? i know hes going though a lot emotionally right now (trying to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life, trying to move away from home, frustration at himself for not getting his act together) and i dont know how realistic it is that he could come here.... every time i talk to him it seems like nothing new is going on in his life, at all, and maybe hes embarrassed? or doesnt know what his plan is at all?

 

either way, im just so lonely and the solitude is getting to me. while towards the end of the semester i was finally starting to feel confident and as if i was worthy of a relationship with someone, all of this has been reversed now that im out of my comfort zone. i feel miserable, worthless, etc... i cant shake the feeling that maybe hes met someone new, never cared about me, has forgotten about me, etc...

 

also, i feel stupid for sending him the email now that he didnt respond. i just desperately want to hear from him because im so lonely, but maybe he doesnt want to do the hi how are you emails because he does the same thing all the time. however, he was way more receptive before... something mustve changed, and i cant tell whether its the reality that he probably wont be able to come visit or something about his feelings towards me...

 

i know this guy sounds really bad on paper, and ive had friends tell me that hes "lucky" that i chose him. but now im worried, that as always, ive been dropped by yet another guy. i thought maybe i would finally have the loving relationship ive wanted... im just so tired of being perpetually single and on my own!

 

i guess my question is: what do you think this guys deal is? should i be worried about anything? how should i proceed? call him again in a while if i dont hear from him? just wait and see what happens when i get back? i iwsh i could put it out of my head, and i wish i could feel fine on my own...

[Amber24]

Cheer up girl! It sounds like he is probably depressed about his situation and not feeling up to talking to you... I would forget about him for awhile in general because your bigger issue you need to work on is your own loneliness! Its never a good idea to get involved in a romantic relationship out of loneliness. First work on building friendships and support with people you have around you right now and then you will be in a much better place to begin a dating relationship (with this guy, or another). If you don't know many people around you right now to build relationships with try getting involved in some volunteer activities serving others and then you will be in a great place to meet other generous people. or at least you can temporarily forget about the loneliness. I hope that helps a little, good luck!

[my body is a cage]

thanks for your advice! i am trying to keep busy and keep my mind off of it, and im slowly getting better at it. its just hard being in a foreign country when all of my friends are in a different country... i am only here for about a month more, and i wish i could see the posetive and make the best out of it. i just went for a bike ride, i think i am going to go lay in the park, etc...

 

im just bummed regarding this guy because we really did have a connection. he was really bummed when he had to leave my house earlier as well. i hope that it really is that hes just busy trying to sort his own life out, but it feels rude that he couldnt even respond to an email, after the time we had together. i really hope its not a reflection on his feelings for me, and i wonder what he thinks of the sitaution.

 

if he said if i dont hear from him in a while, i should just call him when i get back or when i know when i get back... what does that mean? does that mean that even though he likes me hes not serious enough about me to want to keep in touch? or is just bad at it?

 

do you think he will respond to the email, and would it be needy of me to call him in a bit if he doesnt? i dont want to be the one constantly reaching out to him, when hes stopped reaching out to me... i just wish i knew why he has, and that i could shake this feeling that im unworthy of his affection. i dont know.

[my body is a cage]

also, frankly, i feel stupid for contacting him so much without a response now. am i being needy?

[my body is a cage]

any more insight? this scenario sucks, i really miss the guy, i feel like hes forgotten all about me. do you think thats why he hasnt answered? i dont know what to do now, i feel like so much time has passed that things would be awkward if i contacted him, but maybe he expects me to? im clueless.