dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I'm a guy who needs help trying to reconcile my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years. Recently, I cheated on my girlfriend with a prostitute at a massage parlor. I was not aware that the place was a sex ring at the time. I confessed to her that I cheated and we eventually got back on track. A couple of days ago, I revealed to my gf that I was blackmailed to have sex by the parlor. They threatened to rob among other things me and a friend of mines if I refused paying for sex. I had the choice of protecting the financial, physical, and legal security of my friend or protecting my gf from emotional harm. To her, I essentially chose my friend over her. I have contacted the police already btw. It's been something I've been hiding from her because I was embarrassed and ashamed that I was taken advantage of. I also made the mistake of telling her that I don't feel responsible for my actions since I was put in a difficult position and that she was being unfair to me. Up until now, I have accepted full responsibility and the burden of being the betrayer, but it was becoming too overwhelming since I secretly felt that I didn't deserve it. I need advice on how to convince my gf that I have accepted responsibility again and how to regain her trust after revealing new information about what happened that night. She doesn't know what to believe now since there are two stories about what happened that night. I would prefer advice from people who have been betrayed before because so many people have told me that I didn't do anything wrong.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 The threat was before I received a "happy ending". I didn't want to have sex at all. I was pretty happy with my current sex life and I wouldn't frequent prostitutes even if I was single. And yes you can perform even under stressful conditions. All of the events happened in a short time span. I got aroused from the massage but I didn't know sex was involved until the masseuse ripped off my towel. She told me it was time for sex and I said no I have a gf. She left and locked me in the room. Once she came back, she said she could charge all my money off and do the same for my friend, who accompanied me to the place, if I didn't comply. I didn't want to cause any trouble, so I did. It was a bad decision in retrospect. As far as how many people I told, I told two of my friends and asked for advice. I shouldn't have said "so many", but I'm just kinda upset right now.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Also, I told those two friends the details after she demanded me to. Before two days ago, no one knew any of the details about my cheating experience, just that I've cheated.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I am not trying to justify my actions. I cheated, no matter how it happened. I need advice on how to restore my gfs trust in me. Things were going so well until I revealed the full story.
SarahRose Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Do you really expect anyone to believe your story? why not just try being honest and admit you and your friend went to a happy ending place, end of story.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I am being honest, no matter how unbelievable this story seems. That's part of the reason I kept it to myself, like who is actually gonna believe that. I went to a happy ending place, I didn't know it was one until it was too late. Why do I need to lie? I don't know you or anyone on the forum, I'm just trying to repair my relationship. R u suggesting I tell my gf that me and a friend went to a happy ending place to make her feel better? Otherwise, can you please respond to what I post instead of you think has happened? Thanks.
moxo Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Having known quite a few girls who have worked in those types of parlours and as prostitutes, there is no way they would force you into sex/happy ending. They may threaten you because they want extra money but they wouldn't make you perform the act! They would be happy to just get the money and not have to do anything with you! Time to own up to your mistake because the only chance you have of getting your girlfriend back is to be 100% honest.
SarahRose Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I am being honest, no matter how unbelievable this story seems. That's part of the reason I kept it to myself, like who is actually gonna believe that. I went to a happy ending place, I didn't know it was one until it was too late. Why do I need to lie? I don't know you or anyone on the forum, I'm just trying to repair my relationship. R u suggesting I tell my gf that me and a friend went to a happy ending place to make her feel better? Otherwise, can you please respond to what I post instead of you think has happened? Thanks. No, I think you made up this silly story to tell your girlfriend so your indiscretion isn't your fault. That is the only reason you don't want to tell her the truth is because you know it will hurt her even more when she knows you went there on purpose.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Thank you sadintexas for actually attempting to answer my question. It a really difficult situation to deal with. I wish this was more of a typical situation so that I'll better know how to deal with it. From the impression of the forum, I feel like I should have continued to let her believe that I did it because of the opportunity, but I want to be fully honest, no matter how unbelievable it may seem. We have plans to deal with the issue including individual counseling for me as well as group counseling.
moxo Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Ok, I'm going to try and give you the benefit of the doubt. Did you report this as a rape to the police? Because, if you are being honest, that is exactly what happened and yourgirlfriend should then support you. By the sounds of it, maybe she doesn't believe you? In which case, take it further with the police. You would risk jail time by lying which will show her you are telling the truth and are a victim, not a cheater.
Author dpierre23 Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 I just reported the case yesterday. I was scared to report it because my friend was also there and went thru with the sex with no problem. I was afraid that I would get him in legal trouble if I reported it. After talking to him yesterday, he said he can take care of himself, so I followed thru with it. Regardless of what happened, I had a choice to have sex or not. Maybe I totally misinterpreted the situation. There may have been a way to avoid having sex, but at the time, I couldn't think of anything. My gfs main issues are: 1. Believing this new story I've told her She thinks I made it up to cope with what I did 2. Drawing the support from her to me She is supposed to be the victim in this situation, not me. I am supposed to be supporting her, not the other way around. I am trying to take full responsibility for my actions again. I need tips on how to support her. As far as my issues, she said she can't help me, its unfair, seek counseling.
Woman In Blue Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I'm a guy who needs help trying to reconcile my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years. Recently, I cheated on my girlfriend with a prostitute at a massage parlor. I was not aware that the place was a sex ring at the time. Oh please. Who are you trying to kid? Guys don't go to massage parlors to work out those "kinks" in their hamstrings. Are you HONESTLY going to try to make anyone believe that you and your buddy were CLUELESS that massage parlors ONLY offer massages? What an insult to everyone's intelligence here. OK, I'll play along. You and your buddy were "poor innocent victims" who only wanted massages and NOTHING ELSE - and instead, had to endure the horror of forced, paid sex. Whether that part is true or not really doesn't even make a bean of difference. The real issue is that you knew damned WELL that "massage parlors" are more than just a massage parlor. I won't help you lie to your girlfriend. Why don't you tell her the TRUTH instead, and admit that you knew full WELL what massage parlors really are?
SarahRose Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Oh please. Who are you trying to kid? Guys don't go to massage parlors to work out those "kinks" in their hamstrings. Are you HONESTLY going to try to make anyone believe that you and your buddy were CLUELESS that massage parlors ONLY offer massages? What an insult to everyone's intelligence here. OK, I'll play along. You and your buddy were "poor innocent victims" who only wanted massages and NOTHING ELSE - and instead, had to endure the horror of forced, paid sex. Whether that part is true or not really doesn't even make a bean of difference. The real issue is that you knew damned WELL that "massage parlors" are more than just a massage parlor. I won't help you lie to your girlfriend. Why don't you tell her the TRUTH instead, and admit that you knew full WELL what massage parlors really are? i wonder what they were wearing when giving the 'massages'?
Pleco Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I can understand that the massage parlor wanted the MONEY for a potential sex act. THAT IS HOW THEY MAKE MONEY. However.......THEY DID NOT FORCE YOU TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. ALL YOU HAD TO TO WAS PAY THEM AND NOT HAVE SEX. EXACTLY. You were aroused by the massage, not thinking clearly, and somewhere in the back of your mind were able to justify cheating on your girlfriend (and you are STILL justifying it). I'm sure this woman just wanted her money, assumed you were planning on paying for sex, and didn't want her time spent messaging you to be wasted. So you could have just PAID HER and been done with it. I mean, you knew you were gonna have to pay her anyway, right? THAT is the flaw in your story. You are no more innocent than the guy who gets drunk and then gets seduced by a woman. It's still due to a serious lack of judgment/intelligence that you went through with the act. If I were your girlfriend I'd dump you just for being such an idiot, not even for the cheating.
flutterbykiss Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I'm afraid I'n going to have to add my voice to everyone elses here... I know quite a bit about that particular industry and yes, it is very plausible that you were bullied or blackmailed into paying extra money. I just CANNOT imagine you being forced to actually perform the act. I suppose that it IS possible that you were confused, afraid or whatever and thought that the best and safest course of action was to just have the 'suggested' service but it's a shame that you didn't offer to pay for the 'offered' service but not receive it. I say this because you have a VERY real problem..... you had sex with another woman. Regardless of the circumstances, you (excuse the vulgarity) 'got it up' with someone other than your gf and it will be haunting her and tearing her self esteem to shreds that you were aroused with anyone other than her. The fact that you were able to do so has shattered her belief that she is special and one-of-a-kind in your eyes. It's that belief that stops women from fearing that our partner will cheat on us or leave us. What happened took that away from her. The foundation she builds her emotional world on is gone and that will make it very, very, very hard for her to trust you enough to believe such an improbable story. I agree with an earlier post that suggested pursuing legal action and a police investigation because this made lead to information coming to light from a source other than you - which is sadly going to be much easier for your gf to believe at the moment. I truly hope that the truth of your situation comes out
spriggig Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 ...The foundation she builds her emotional world on is gone and that will make it very, very, very hard for her to trust you enough to believe such an improbable story. While it's unfortunate that so many women do this--build their emotional world on the actions of another--it's true. This IS the real problem you face, and ABSOLUTE truth is the only way through. You have to admit to yourself and to her that you desired sex with the whore and you did it of your own free will. You're flimsy excuses and attempts to shift blame aren't flying now and never will, with or without legal intervention. She already knows the truth, you just have to own up to it and see if she can forgive you.
Maggotface Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Why not just refuse the sex and sue them for robbing you? Jeez, I want to believe you but I just can't.
lordWilhelm Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 Clearly nobody around here is believing your story. It's so implausible -- and as was pointed out even if you were forced into paying for the service you didn't actually have to actually do the act. I'm sure she would have been quite happy to receive the money without doing anything. I think your girlfriend is upset with you because she doesn't believe your story, and it seems to her that you are NOT accepting responsibility for your actions. I'm not saying that what you say is not true, but you have to realize the way other people perceive this situation and the way you put it, it's just very hard to take it on face value.
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